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Do other people try and put you off your name choice ?

(26 Posts)
jaykay34 Tue 17-Jun-14 11:25:49

I'm asking this because I have never critiqued other people's name choices and think it's a very personal thing...however...

When I told my family I was pregnant, they asked if I had thought of any names. At the time my partner and I had come up with Jake, Jack and Joe - with Jake being the strongest contender but neither of us felt it would be "the" name - we were still open to suggestion. So my family latched on to Jake.

Not long after, my partner suggested Joel and I loved it ! So I told my family and they were horrified - my mum said she would have to call him Joe because it sounds like a "horrible made up name that would have the same connotations as wayne or Brian in 20 years time" !! My sister said its plain and the "same way as Joe is awful"...and my auntie told me its a naughty kids name.

A couple of weeks later...because I was so annoyed by the negativity...I pretended I was going to call him Acer ....just to see the reactions grin which my mum replied "well I am used to Joel now".

Gosh...why are people so bloody opinionated when it comes to names ?

ruby1234 Tue 17-Jun-14 11:28:45

Don't tell em.......

tryingtocatchthewind Tue 17-Jun-14 11:37:13

Seriously don't tell anyone, I made the mistake of mentioning a possible girls name and my mums reaction was 'well I'll get used to it' although she said it with a look on her face liked she'd stepped in shit.

Never told anyone acne and don't plan to until he/she is born

squoosh Tue 17-Jun-14 11:37:59

Well played in shocking them into accepting Joel! wink

Honestly, never ever tell people until the baby has arrived.

squoosh Tue 17-Jun-14 11:38:38

'Never told anyone acne and don't plan to until he/she is born'

Poor little baby Acne! grin

Xcountry Tue 17-Jun-14 11:40:59

Yes they did. Did I listen??!!

Provencalroseparadox Tue 17-Jun-14 11:48:26

I didn't want to tell anyone our names when pregnant as I knew they would put us off. DH told one of his brother's our main contender for DS, Felix, and his comment completely turned DH off it.

Lesson learnt for DD. We kept it very private.

mrsnec Tue 17-Jun-14 11:50:34

We have made this mistake. We actually got a good reaction but they all still felt the need to offer other (hideous or very dull) suggestions. Wish I'd kept quiet.

StormyBrid Tue 17-Jun-14 11:52:53

This is why we kept DD's name a secret. Only knobheads make disparaging remarks about a name already in use by a baby who's arrived.

LJHH Tue 17-Jun-14 12:03:34

My mum is a TA at a primary school, every name we liked and happened to mention we got told something along the lines of "oohhh there's 2 of those in yr3 and they're both naughty" etc

This became annoying quite quickly so once we had decided on a name for our DS that both DP and I loved, we kept it quiet for a couple of months just so we were 100% on it.
Then we told them (and happily, it's the ONLY name that my mum hadn't already encountered so she had nothing bad to say!) it's not a weird name either, in the top 20 so thought that was a bit odd that she hadn't had one at the school.

Ridiculous that we care so much that other people think!

jaykay34 Tue 17-Jun-14 12:24:50

LJHH - my mum, sister and Auntie all work in schools too !
My Auntie sent me a list of "naughty kids names" when I had my twins 11 years ago !! I didn't get a list this time round - just assured that in 20 years of teaching she had only taught 2 Joels and both were horrors. grin

LJHH Tue 17-Jun-14 13:02:49

@jaykay34 Oh bugger, you had it x3! Just my mum on her own made me want to temporarily disown my family smile
After I told my dad that no, we won't be using your name as a middle name, he has now started calling baby mini Paul (that's my dad's name)
Baby doesn't even arrive for 10 weeks, poor little thing....

mandbaby Tue 17-Jun-14 13:06:33

Don't EVER tell people the names that you're considering. We did this with DS2 and I still regret it now: We narrowed it down to two names when he was born, but couldn't decide. Everybody who asked what his name was had a strong, negative opinion about one or other of the names and in the end, when DS2 was 4 weeks old, we picked a completely different name.

I still regret not choosing one of our original choices now. But now I'm pregnant with DC3 and if it turns out to be a boy, one of the names we originally chose for DS2 will be used.

mandbaby Tue 17-Jun-14 13:07:26

Oh, and I work in a school and there are DEFINITELY naughty boy/girl names. Some names I used to love but have never come across a well behaved or intelligent one, so it puts you right off!

deepbluetr Tue 17-Jun-14 13:18:07

No-one puts me off my possible name choices because OH and i keep our lips sealed.

It's no-one's business but the parents of that child.


No matter what name you consider or choose will have mixed reactions, so don't let that come into things.

dilys4trevor Tue 17-Jun-14 13:25:00

It always strikes me as weird when someone asks you what names you are thinking of and then make a face or just give you a stony silence when you tell them. If you aren't prepared to say you like it, don't ask. Or do you really think your opinion is so valued that it might sway me?

jaykay34 Tue 17-Jun-14 13:31:22

I feel reassured that this is relatively common...and not just my family that do it.

When I had the twins nobody really commented like they have this time round - apart from to say the names didn't really sound like twins names.

You are all right in saying don't tell anyone though !! smile

scarletoconnor Tue 17-Jun-14 13:45:54

One thing I have learned since having my dc is that if you don't want people thinking they have a right to over rule your parenting decisions don't put them in a position of where they think they have the 'right' to.
I learned this the difficult way lol.

My mil told me she hated the name I'd chosen for my dd when I was pregnant and spent most of my pregnancy trying to convince me to call her something else. It really annoyed me as it spoiled the name for me. But I was mostly mad with myself. I know if I'd presented dd to her with that name i hope she wouldn't have been rude enough to insult the name as the decision was made and no input was necessary.
Luckily I found another name that I loved and decided on that but didn't tell anyone.

Totally unrelated but when I mentioned to mil I was debating whether to put dd in nursery or with a child minder when I returned to work she tried to insist I let my 17 year old clueless sister in law care for her for the money I would pay a qualified childminder or nursery. I refused as I was not comfortable with it. Mil then started trying to bully us into this decision, she wanted me to ask fil permission to send ds to nursery angry she stopped speaking to us for weeks in hope we would back down ... I was so mad because once again I'd put myself in that position.
If I'd said 'oh dd is starting x nursery in September' She wouldn't have even thought to question this it was purely because no firm decision was in plave.

Lots of people will think you are asking them for advice when you are toying over a decision that is not fully made yet regarding your children or anything in your life they think they get a say in

With my mil I only tend to tell her any developments with dc now when a firm decision has been made.

Joel is an awesome name btw.

TittyBojangles Tue 17-Jun-14 14:06:25

Is it bad that I'm now loving the name acer?

mrsnec Tue 17-Jun-14 14:09:04

What annoyed me was that I've been doing hours of research into names as the history and meanings are important to me and the helpful suggestions were things they'd seen on credits on the telly or that are easy to spell!

Good to know I'm not the only one getting interference though!

RAFWife12 Tue 17-Jun-14 20:21:21

We haven't told my parents our top names for either gender - they don't want to know anyway. We have had several name conversations - mostly jokey names come up.
We also weren't going to tell the in laws, but out of the blue were told not to use the name Connor by MIL, because apparently all Connor's are little shits. Incidentally that was our top boys name. When she realised what she'd done - she defended her opinion.
It still is...
Basically - don't let anyone put you off. Apart from deciding to even have a child, the name is the first big parenting decision you make. No one else has a right to make that decision for you, unless you ask for advice.
I would NEVER say anything negative about other people's name choices, even if I didn't like them. Mostly I don't ask while the person is pregnant, just wait till baby is here.

NellyNoodle1 Tue 17-Jun-14 22:12:49

I have learnt my lesson and I am telling no one what I am calling my son - I told someone on Sunday only because I don't see them that often and they don't really know any of my other friends and they pulled a face and then said yes but then you'll get….I wasn't asking her opinion I was answering a question. I can't believe people are really that rude. I have heard some shockers in my time and I always manage to smile and murmur something along the lines of 'how lovely'. Wouldn't occur to me to do different - it's not always about being honest - I would rather not hurt someones feelings. I'm going to a family party on Saturday and it's all I'll be asked all day but I'm just going to say 'yes we have chosen but we're not telling you'. Should annoy them sufficiently.

jerin Wed 18-Jun-14 22:27:16

We kept our top names secret. We talked names with people but didn't reveal our favourites. I find people will always have an opinion. Whilst talking about one of the favourite names for ds2, my mum commented ' you can't call a child that! It's a dogs name!' She then suggested Max - the name of her dog!! I went ahead and used my 'dog' name anyway!!

Burren Thu 19-Jun-14 15:22:01

I do find the 'that's a naughty boy's name' response completely bizarre. It seems to come from a combination of class prejudice and gross over-generalisation from tiny stats. I mean, surely if you've happened to have, say, three naughty Joels or Andrews in your classes, you don't actually think that this means (a) all children with those names are naughty and (b) your friend/sibling/some Mn poster should see your opinion as a reason not to call her child Joel/Andrew?

ViviPru Thu 19-Jun-14 22:59:17

I think you're asking for it if you tell people. There's no way on earth I'm telling a soul before it's here. I'm struggling to even share my choices with DH!!!

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