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Help me compromise on girls names.

(43 Posts)
mrsnec Thu 12-Jun-14 08:02:23

I have started a couple of names threads and still have lots of time but circumstances have changed a bit.

I have found out I'm having a girl. Dh reviewed my shortlist and only liked one name on it. Which I wasn't that keen on at the time but it's really growing on me. This is going to sound really silly but I was happy to wait but I had to have a private scan and I got a 4d one without asking for it so now I feel she needs a name because I've seen her face. Anyway the entire family agreed on criteria for a name. A bit retro, not religious, nice meaning and works in greek and English or vague greek connection. That's how I got Melissa.

The inlaws think they have a say and with dh they came up with the following list none of them fit the criteria at all:

I hate them all! Then we discussed middle names. I want to use my grandmother's name either Yvonne or bonnie. He hates Yvonne and it was suggested we use his grandmothers name too which is Patricia and which is also truly hideous.

Can we use 3 names and make versions of Yvonne and Patricia work with Melissa?

If you consider my taste and theirs are there any other first names we all might like.the vetoed names on my list were things like Jasmine and felicity.

The inlaws have managed to upset me with this every time I've seen them lately and its driving me insane I have tried to nip it in the bud but it's not working so I think dh and I coming to an agreement soon as is the answer. I'm also a bit annoyed as they are backtracking everyone liked Melissa at first but I think they have an issue that I chose it. Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading! I know it's my choice but I'd like to please everyone.

HippieInASecondLocation Thu 12-Jun-14 08:17:50

Melissa Yvonne Patricia really is a bit of a mouthful of retro names!
Ignore ILs. But if your DH doesn't like Melissa anymore and wants a grandmother's name in there, you both need to compromise. The two of you really need to resolve this together by vetoing no-go names - maybe using his grandmother's name as a middle name if you get final vote on the first name. Or the other way round.
What about Penelope? Would seem (to me) to meet your criteria.
Penelope Patricia sounds okay to me.

mrsnec Thu 12-Jun-14 08:48:48

Thanks hippie. Yes all 3 are a retro fest indeed. I wondered if Melissa Bonnie Patricia is better but I'm not sure it is.

I would regret not using my dgm's name and using his so it's both or neither really unless they had nice middle names which they don't as my dgm was Yvonne Marion!

I considered my dgm's name with his mum's name which gives us Bonnie Casey but she is against family names as she thinks the child wont be an individual.

I like penelope. It certainly fits the brief without a doubt I will add it to the shortlist but dh and I had a. Boss called penny he didn't like. Certainly worth a try though.

Pebbles0934 Thu 12-Jun-14 09:43:30

Where has Bonnie come from? Is that a nn of your grandmother Yvonne? Was Yvonne called Eve for short? I think Eve is a lovely name. If middle names were Eve Patricia it wouldn't be as much of a mouthful! Or compromise and say this one will have one grandmothers name and if you have any more children so on?

Is Melissa a definite? What else is on your list?

florascotia Thu 12-Jun-14 11:53:06

I really like Melissa. Melissa Bonnie Eve might work.

If Melissa is not possible, how about Melina, which is also Greek?

If you don't like Marion, would Marianne or Mariana (or even Marina, Greek!) be a possible compromise?

WowserBowser Thu 12-Jun-14 11:59:28

Melissa Bonnie

Stop trying to please the rest of the family! It's an impossible task.

mrsnec Thu 12-Jun-14 12:08:10

Thanks everyone. Yes Bonnie was an nn for Yvonne and pretty much what she was known as to everyone I like Bonnie and Yvonne.

Eve, although she didn't use it, is an option I hadn't considered as it would still be a kind of nod to her I think.

I've gone off some of the other names on my list apart from Jasmine but dh hates that I had things like Callista on there too and if dh agreed on Yvonne as a first name I was considering Margurite as a middle name.

Marina is my next door neighbour who is a bit bonkers I like Marianne though.

I'd still need to use Patricia though so those options give us

Melissa Eve Patricia
Marianne Patricia
Melissa Marianne Patricia
Eve Patricia
Melissa Bonnie Patricia

Incidentally we have a very boring and common English surname.

florascotia Thu 12-Jun-14 12:28:16

As wise Mumsnetters have said on earlier posts, middle names are important but not widely used day-to-day, except right at the beginning when you're introducing your lovely new baby to friends and relatives. So, if possible, I'd put the name you like best first, and have two middle names in honour of past family members.

I think any of the 3 name combos you list above would work fine. I like Melissa Marianne Patricia best out of the three.

mrsnec Thu 12-Jun-14 13:47:52

Thanks all I know you're right. Melissa Is the favourite because we chose it together and we like its meaning.Dh just isn't ready to commit to it yet as he hasn't had time to research anything else.I agree on the middle names front as well. My parents were here too yesterday and I felt like they were all debating it without taking my wishes into consideration and I had a bit of a meltdown. My parents both have 2 middle names but eventually dropped one and kept the one they like the best I like that idea.

The inlaws think the purpose of a middle name is in case you don't like your first name so there should only be one and it should be one syllable, easy to spell and very simple. They have been very controlling throughout my pregnancy though and I'm finding it hard to make them accept they don't have a say. I have actually heard them saying to people who've asked about names 'we' haven't decided yet!

squoosh Thu 12-Jun-14 14:00:46

Wow, if I was you I would work a bit harder on nipping the in-laws in the bud. They sound like grandparents from hell and the baby isn't even here yet. Can't believe they have presented you with a short list of names! Your baby's name should be decided by you and your husband alone.

Stop considering your in laws' and parents' taste!

mrsnec Thu 12-Jun-14 14:16:32

I know and mine took hours of research whereas theirs were things they like from tv credits or that are easy to spell! They've also already spent a fortune on a travel system despite me telling them not to. They thought my superstition of not letting it in the house yet was ridiculous (it's not we were 5 years ttc and had an mc 3 months before I was pg with this one) so they bought one anyway then complained it was taking up too much space in their house and demanded dh collected it. I wish I could stand my ground a bit more but it's not working. They live close and are round quite a lot. I'm considering just avoiding them for a while saying I need a nap every time they turn up!

My parents just say I should consider dh more and gave me the idea for 3 names. I'm ok with that thing is dh is a bit stumped for ideas and has been turning to them as he doesn't know where to start so he may have encouraged them a bit. I wish we'd told both lots to stay out of it!

WowserBowser Thu 12-Jun-14 14:51:39

You should always keep names to yourself! My parents and in laws would have been aghast if we had told them before Ds was born.

I am not even sure they all know his middle name grin

squoosh Thu 12-Jun-14 14:53:48

Just nod and smile at all future name suggestions but make sure the child is given a name that you and your partner decide on. Not you, your partner, your collective parents, Auntie Hilda and Cousin Sidney and your granny's next door neighbour.

WowserBowser Thu 12-Jun-14 14:59:40

Don't bring poor cousin Sidney in to this sad

squoosh Thu 12-Jun-14 15:09:53

Sorry Sidney, I forgot about that business in the potting shed with the prize marrow.

Provencalroseparadox Thu 12-Jun-14 15:13:32

I like Melissa Bonnie Patricia from your options but I agree you need to do more bud-nipping with the ILs.

WowserBowser Thu 12-Jun-14 16:12:02

Or 'Shedney' as he's known round these parts.

mrsnec Sun 15-Jun-14 09:05:31

Thanks everyone finally got a shortlist from dh yesterday. Hopefully we'll be able to shut everyone up soon. Lots of comprises made but it means I don't have to use 3 names and I don't have to use Patricia so I'm happy. Got 3 first names and 2 middle names just need to find the best combination.

BlueStarsAtNight Sun 15-Jun-14 18:13:36

I came on to say Melissa Bonnie Patricia is the nicest of your list, but I see you've moved on - Can you tell us what the new short list is? smile

I'm not sure why your parents/in-laws are so involved in the name at all - definitely best to just not discuss it with them!

mrsnec Mon 16-Jun-14 05:53:57

Yes Blue, the first name options are:
connie (although I might cross that off as he won't use Constance on the bc and Connie is too much of an nn)

Middle names Eve or Sophia.
So he doesn't like Bonnie but he likes Connie and he likes Eve. Both of those sre enough of a nod to by dgm for me. abigail and Sophia were the only names on his list I liked. I don't want Sophia as a first name as its ridiculously popular round here.

I think Melissa Eve is my favourite.but I am interested in what everyone else thinks. You lot that is not my family!

In laws and parents are far too involved in everything my mil currently isn't speaking to me after being told to back off! It's a nightmare.

Gennz Mon 16-Jun-14 06:02:43

Melissa Eve is nice. I also like the combo of long name/short name.

I don't like any of the IL's names - none are vile but they are all quite beige.

Provencalroseparadox Mon 16-Jun-14 06:04:09

Melissa Eve is lovely. Sorry about your MIL. She sounds hard work

Gennz Mon 16-Jun-14 06:04:36

MIL sounds awful. I am having similar issues, but with my aunt who is my mum's sister & my godmother. She is childless and basically looks on us as her children. Keep getting texts from her with the most random (hideous) names and then she gets offended when I text back "NO WAY!!!" or "YUCK!!!" (I figure there's no point sugar coating it... )

HopOnMyChooChoo Mon 16-Jun-14 06:06:19

'Anyway, the entire family agreed on criteria for a name.'

And therein lies your problem. It's your baby, not theirs. You should NEVER ask for family opinions on your choices unless you want to be hurt, confused, pressurised into compromise, and bullied into changing your mind.

I would just concentrate on you and your DH together agreeing on a first name you both love. If you keep going long enough you'll find one - there really is no hurry. All this pressure to name a baby way in advance of its birth and have everyone 'know' it by name before it's born is completely daft and a bit creepy IMHO.

I thought I knew what to call my son and when he landed in my lap he looked like something else altogether - the name we'd chosen just didn't work for his face :D , so we changed our minds right at the last minute.

Find your first name, with a couple of back ups in case she doesn't look like a Melissa or whatever.

Don't commit to any relatives about naming after your grannies, your mothers or anyone else. Just stop discussing it and tell them to wait and see. If you can find a combination of names that sound nice together and pay homage to granny then all well and good, but don't make it your top priority. Honestly, no-one is going to hold it against you if you don't do it.

Gennz Mon 16-Jun-14 06:09:22

P.S. How far along are you mrsnec? Can you see if you can keep any decision under wraps? I am only 16 weeks, finding out gender in 3 weeks. DH and I have pretty much locked down our top 3 names for each. I am happy to have naming conversations but am not giving anything away (e.g I listen to suggestions and go "hmm yes that's nice" or "no I don't like that").

For several reasons: I don't want to make a final decision on the name until I meet the baby & see what suits it; I don't like the idea of naming a baby in utero, it feels wrong to me; and I don't want to announce a name while pregnantand have everyone go "Oh noooo you can't call it that" ... I figure they are far more likely to bite their tongues if the baby is named and the ink is dry on the birth certificate!

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