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if you and your dh couldn't agree on a name..

(31 Posts)
poocatcherchampion Fri 23-Aug-13 06:11:13

how did you decide in the end? baby girl is now 3 days old, we both have a favourite that the other isn't taken by and can't find a neutral option.

we are under pressure too, and have canvassed loads of opinion which has resolved nothing but made it seem competitive...

its not good!


AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou Fri 23-Aug-13 06:37:36

I was in your boat 3 months ago, in the end I persuaded him that actually I've done all the hard work, given birth, been constantly tired for 9 months, so I get to chose the first name. Can't argue with that really, he got the second name.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 23-Aug-13 06:49:13

I don't think it's a popular opinion but I really think you have to work on a neutral option of both of you don't like the others first choice. Otherwise one of you is going to be unhappy.

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 23-Aug-13 06:49:57

We did find a neutral one in the end. However I don't think it was really the right one and DD doesn't like it. Now she's 14 she's changed it. Not sure what to advise ready but I think we got it wrong.

shelley72 Fri 23-Aug-13 06:50:56

We asked the children to choose between the two options smile

AKissIsNotAContract Fri 23-Aug-13 06:55:31

Tell us the options and we'll decide smile

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 23-Aug-13 06:58:47

Have you both got different styles you like? I loved old fashioned granny names but my oh loves modern, different names we got there in the end

heidihole Fri 23-Aug-13 07:01:57

Tell us and we will vote!

Failing that, you did the hard work so you choose and be gets middle name

Morgause Fri 23-Aug-13 07:02:09

Start again. While you are both holding out for your favourite you'll be deadlocked.

Layl77 Fri 23-Aug-13 07:11:42

Can you start calling her your name as see if he gets used to it wink
There are lots of names out there though see if there's another you can agree on

exoticfruits Fri 23-Aug-13 07:24:20

You just keep going until you get the compromise names. Mine would have had something completely different if it was just me, or just DH.
It is very unfair to say that you did the work, you get to choose, you are equal parents and shouldn't be setting yourself up as senior parent from day one.

poocatcherchampion Fri 23-Aug-13 07:27:56

I think its unfair to bully a win for my efforts too. he loves his fab name as do I.

I think we need to come up with more too but he isn't very good at that. I don't much want to tell them here as I don't think other people voting is helpful but if you search my name then its screamingly obvious!

I feel like I'm losing perspective on the ones we have as I didn't like his choice and my family really don't but maybe I'm coming round ( bored of this) but I do love my choice too and would be sad not to have it!

its time to think if some more I think.
thanks for your replies

TallulahBetty Fri 23-Aug-13 07:29:25

I let him decide as he missed the birth. My go next time grin

Enelya Fri 23-Aug-13 07:33:18

I gave my DH a short list of 3 and he picked one. He picked the one I liked the least, obviously!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Fri 23-Aug-13 07:34:02

You take the favourites out of it (i.e. agree that neither of those will be used)

Then sit down and each write a list of 10 names you like. Compare lists. Mark any common names. Rank those. Come to a decision. if no common names, repeat process.

To make you feel better, both my DC have compromise names and I really like them now because they're associated with my DC

worsestershiresauce Fri 23-Aug-13 07:46:32

I didn't hate DH's first choice but didn't love it, so we had that as a middle name, and started again for the first name. Try to relax a bit, it's only a name, what ever you choose your dd may hate it anyway. I hate my name, and I'm sure my poor parents agonised over it. So long as the initials don't spell anything unfortunate, and it isn't so off the wall as to label your child as a social outcast at school it'll be ok.

unlucky83 Fri 23-Aug-13 08:00:37

Give yourself a week or so to come up with a compromise - I think you have 21 days to register? (DP and I did both DDs on the last possible day!)

Then as long as you don't really hate each others name - toss a coin or roll a dice ...
I know that sounds mad - but in life in general if I can't make a decision I sometimes do this ...if I really really hate the answer 'chance' throws up I won't accept it -but then if I can live with it I will - and this is a good way of making how I feel clearer - if that makes sense...

Set the ground rules out first - eg best of three - so no arguments about that!

And your name might win! Good Luck...
(and as Rich said - as a name becomes associated with DC you will come to like it)

fanjodisfunction Fri 23-Aug-13 08:12:32

I would sit down with DH and discuss the names again, see if there's any movement, would he be open to using his name as the middle name or vice versa. If that doesn't work, I would put those names aside and try again. And I would not discuss the names with anyone else, especially family.

My DH agreed with my choice for DD1 in the end when I teamed it up with meaningful middle names. This time, I've come up with the girls name and a boys name and he's come up with a boys name and we've both done the same thing again teamed it up with middle names that mean a lot to both of us, I would be happy with any of the names.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 23-Aug-13 08:24:23

Agree about ground rules. We could not agree- we then discussed style of names and our rules were- not in top 50,a full name, good nickname potential, suits baby to adult, and not a cutesy girlie name. Then we both looked for names that match that.
I have to say I love the name we've picked now and I'm glad I didn't get my own way as think that name will date quite quickly but equally I'm glad I didn't let oh have his own way as I knew I didn't want that name for my baby

PinkGlove Fri 23-Aug-13 08:31:40

Its so hard, I was in your boat a few months back. We went with DH's favourite, I wasn't convinced so a few weeks on we changed it to the 'compromise name' keeping the original as the middle name ... I've had trouble getting used to it though and found the whole thing very stressful. I would say take all the time you need, don't let others pressure you, some friends of ours took the full 6 weeks. Best of luck.

PinkGlove Fri 23-Aug-13 08:35:08

Oh and my DH sounds very much like yours in that he only had ONE name that he liked and then the compromise name. It made things so much harder.

RoadToTuapeka Fri 23-Aug-13 09:11:52

I conceded by giving up my absolute favourite names that DH hated; but kept in my mind the next favourites and was prepared to use the 'i gave birth to them' card if need be; in the end DH went with my next favourites. Goodness they have his surname so I thought I should get a bit more choice for first names.

We compromised, and settled on names we both liked rather than names that one of us loved and the other didn't.

I absolutely hate the, 'I gave birth so I should choose' line.

Coconutty Fri 23-Aug-13 16:14:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spookey80 Fri 23-Aug-13 16:18:01

If had been up to me or up to dh our dc2 would have had a different name. In the end we compromised and I now love our little boys name, because its him.
It's so hard thiugh.

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