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Allie?? After child passed away and Nickname or proper?

(29 Posts)
Pinkbump3 Tue 16-Jul-13 22:07:59

We have 8 weeks left to find a name for dd but can't find anything we both like, dh suggested Allie as it was the nickname for his young son who passed away before I met him I like it but there's a but? I dont know, Any views on this would be appreciated also not sure it seems like a nickname to me I think I would prefer a fuller name ?

Pinkbump3 Tue 16-Jul-13 22:09:52

Other thing is I don't want to upset dh on how I reject it as his passing was a very difficult time for dh he was terminally ill and he searched the length and breadth of the country for a cure :-(

RhondaJean Tue 16-Jul-13 22:13:01


Or use allie as a middle name?

I think it's lovely to give her some type of link to her brother but I don't think personally I would be comfortable with giving her the exact same name.

What names do you like?

girliefriend Tue 16-Jul-13 22:13:11

I think calling your child after a child who has died is not a good idea, would seem like your dh was trying to 'replace' his other child and gives the unborn child a whole lot of issues re identity imo.

Maybe you could use Allie as a middle name (or Allison)

I would just tell your dh it would make you feel uncomfortable to use it as a first name.

LazyMonkeyButler Tue 16-Jul-13 22:13:18

Oh wow, how very difficult for you sad. Has DH really set his heart on the name? Do you want to use it?

If so (and personally I think it's a lovely idea), how about Alice or Alissa nn Allie?

VBisme Tue 16-Jul-13 22:13:45

Could you use it as a middle name? Or have a name that can be shortened to Allie?

Bowlersarm Tue 16-Jul-13 22:13:49

I don't think that would sit comfortably with me.

It was his DS name, and therefore special for him.

Your dd should have her own special name.

coffeewineandchocolate Tue 16-Jul-13 22:14:31

Alice? Allison? alisha? could you choose a name that is similar but say that you want them to have their own individual names are they are both special. our use Allie as a middle name?

imip Tue 16-Jul-13 22:16:55

I used the name of my first daughter who was stillborn as the middle name for my second daughter. A lovely way of remembering our first born and our daughter is very proud to have her big sisters name as her middle name.

GwendolineMaryLacey Tue 16-Jul-13 22:18:53

No. Hard as it is, she should be allowed her own identity. Middle name fine but its not fair on her to give her that burden.

Theas18 Tue 16-Jul-13 22:20:02

it's not customary now but previously a name was handed down till it managed to find a child who survived. my father is named after his mums only brother (5 girls born between 1900-1910, including 2 sets of twins, all thrived, the longed for boy didn't).

it was seen as entirely normal then. some headstoneslist babies I'd the same name in the sibling group..

it's not usual now, but if you and dh both want it why not?

CheeseFondueRocks Tue 16-Jul-13 22:38:47

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this.

How about Alice? It would be her own name but similar.

Pinkbump3 Tue 16-Jul-13 23:44:50

Dh isn't insisting on it or anything like that but he has mentioned it twice today and tonight I said I didn't know how I felt about it he was totally fine but I could see a pang of possibly rejection or disappointment, Its such hard subject. I like the name but it's also my sis name (Allison) and I feel a bit like I would burden her with the name also I would feel awkward when I bump into his ex ( who I talk to and have no problem with ) but I think it's not my place? It's difficult to explain I think I will suggest it as a middle name. Alice is my other dds name after my nan. Thanks for he replies It's helped a lot X

RedJeans Wed 17-Jul-13 10:55:55

I don't think you can really call her Allie if she will have a sister called Alice and an aunty Allison, plus a brother also called Allie! Far too confusing and probably too emotionally loaded imo. By all means use it as a middle name though

squoosh Wed 17-Jul-13 11:46:40

I'd feel deeply uncomfortable with this and would not use any name for your DD that could be shortened to Allie.

His eagerness to use this name would make me think he hadn't come to terms with his child's death and that there would be some kind of unrealistic expectation on the new baby to be a replacement for his son rather than being their own person. It wouldn't be fair on your DD and might make her feel as a kind of runner up in her father's affections.

I'm sure it might be difficult to tell him this but your baby deserves her own name. A name that isn't associated with grief.

squoosh Wed 17-Jul-13 11:49:07

I think also out of respect to Alllie's Mum it would be best not to use the name. I can't imagine what kind of shock that would give her.

Zynding Wed 17-Jul-13 11:53:20

No. Not a good idea. for all the obvious reasons, plus, it was another woman's child so it should be her decision to name another child after her Allie, or not.

I agree with squoosh, the baby deserves a fresh name that is not associated with grief and expectation.

NothingsLeft Wed 17-Jul-13 12:13:33

I agree with squoosh. Could you use it as a middle name instead?

papalazaru Wed 17-Jul-13 12:19:32

Sort of the same but different ....

TallulahBetty Wed 17-Jul-13 19:56:12

I would use it as a middle name. I know of a couple whose youngest has her siblings' names as middle names (they passed away before she was born).

Happymum22 Wed 17-Jul-13 23:16:21

What about Aillie, pronounced Ay-lee.
Kind of a feminine alternative.

Otherwise use it as a middle name as others have said.. Agree about the shock with the mother, she may find it very strange and uncomfortable. Middle name is much more respectful..

lydiajones Thu 18-Jul-13 13:14:29

I would use it as a middle name, spelt in the same way as a tribute to his son, but not as a first name.

workingtitle Thu 18-Jul-13 13:40:36

I think it would be a lovely tribute to use it as a middle name, but not a first name. I'd also worry about his ex, it could be upsetting for her. I hope you find a name you both love X

orangepudding Thu 18-Jul-13 13:45:11

I wouldn't use it, your baby should have her own identity. I also think it's unfair on the ex.

formicadinosaur Fri 19-Jul-13 13:47:07

That was a name he chose with his first wife? Maybe use allie as a middle name but really the first name should be one you both feel happy about

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