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Baby name dilemma

(11 Posts)
mynameisnotmichaelcaine Fri 26-Apr-13 20:25:05

Hello all,

Baby no 3 is due in September. We are 100% sure on a name for a girl - Esther, and we will use the nn Hetty when she is a baby (obviously beyond that she can decide for herself).

We have literally no boys names, apart from one, which we agree on. The one name is William. We would probably use Billy as an nn, at least when he was little, but would want William on the b/c.

Dilemma is as follows. A really close friend from a few years ago, who is dd's godmother, said years ago that she would use William for her first-born son. She got married in 2008, and we all assumed they would have babies soon after (this was the plan). I strongly suspect fertility issues, but I have not asked, as I don't feel it is for me to ask, and, anyway, we have seen a lot less of them over the past few years, although always have a nice time together when we do meet up.

They are reasonably local, although any future children of theirs would not attend school with mine, as they are about 25 mins drive away, and in a totally different part of the county. I don't think friend would use Billy as a nickname anyway, as it is not really her style.

Should I a) not use William as it's "her" name.

b) use it without consulting her.

c) ask her how she would feel if I used it?

This baby, although very much wanted, is very much unplanned. I wonder if this would just be too much of a kick in the teeth for her. But then, for all I know, friend might have gone off William years ago.

Aaaaargh! I really don't know what to do. I really don't want to hurt my friend, but would be really upset to not use this name, and she then goes on to have a baby boy and calls him something else entirely! It's just such a difficult conversation to start!

Would appreciate your thoughts.

SantanaLopez Fri 26-Apr-13 20:29:49

No one owns a name, especially not one as common as William. I don't think I could ask my friend. If someone asked me, I would feel really put upon to give the answer they were looking for!

Maybe an email?

You sound a lovely friend though. Tell her you must both have good taste!

Bowlersarm Fri 26-Apr-13 20:31:35

I would go with (c) on the basis that it is 'her' name but not 'your' name. You would just use it because you don't have any other names to go with at the moment. Although they may have gone off it, and if they haven't and go on to have children, they may have girls. Which is why you should do (c)!

meditrina Fri 26-Apr-13 20:37:46

I wouldn't go with c) as she simply cannot say anything other than fine even if she's shrivelling inside.

Keep tossing around other boys names - perhaps this whole issue will go away if you do both light on another name.

MummyBurrows Fri 26-Apr-13 20:43:23

If you love the name then use it. She doesn't have any say in what people can and can't call their children. If you don't live near each other and rarely see each other anyway then I really don't see why it would be a problem,if she wants to use the name in the future she still can,but like you said,she may not even like that name now! Plus there's no way of knowing if her partner would even agree to William if they have a boy eventually anyway.

Names are very much a first come first serve thing. If she gets arsey with you then leave her to it,she clearly has a lot of growing up to do if that's how she would react. If you're really worried then don't even mention any names to her if she asks,just say you're keeping it a secret until baby arrives and IF you do have a boy and call him William then you can always tell her you called him Billy...unless you have facebook and she's on there too,in which case you won't get away with that one but it will be too late. You got there first,its up to her how she reacts. There's nothing to stop you or her or both of you from using the name William if that is the name you and your partner and her and her partner choose IF you both have boys. End of story smile xx

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Fri 26-Apr-13 20:47:44

That's a good point actually MummyBurrows, she mentioned William when we were in our very early 20s, and she only met her dh a few years later, so he may absolutely hate it! I did think about telling her that baby is actually called Billy, but I do have fb, and she is on it, although she doesn't use it very often.

Meditrina, you really would not believe the amount of boys names which we have tossed around. We will obviously keep doing so, but if I tell you that my top choice for dd1 was Isadora, and his was Michelle, you will see the level of disparity in our name tastes...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 26-Apr-13 20:52:19

Surely since Princes Harry and William became more visible in the public eye both names have been popular.

Your friend may have changed her mind and her DH may not even like the name.
If she were your sister or SIL I would hold back but in this case I would raise this with her but be prepared to give up the name if she sounds upset.

lollypopsicle Sat 27-Apr-13 08:00:55

Years ago my best friend and i were discussing baby names and she mentioned a name she liked for a girl. Fast forward to a few weeks ago to us both being pg and I now liked this name but hadn't mentioned it to her. She's just had her baby girl and didn't use the name...it wasn't even second choice.
My point is, your friend may not even remember liking that name, she may have moved on. She may not even remember that conversation she had with you. She doesn't own it. I would use it.

MortifiedAdams Sat 27-Apr-13 08:06:09

If she had a boy and didnt use William after you had saved it, would you feel a bit gutted?

Rhubarbgarden Sat 27-Apr-13 08:27:45

Can't you just pick another name? There are lots of lovely names out there and it would avoid hurt.

Happilymarried155 Sat 27-Apr-13 16:16:05

Can't you just pick another name? There are so many names, if she truely loves this name and is struggling with fertility issues it will really hurt her. Having the attitude "if she gets arsey, she clearly has alot of growing up to do" is a horrible thing say.

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