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Just can't agree :-(

(11 Posts)
wishfulthinking1 Tue 02-Apr-13 04:04:54

Hi all,
Dc1 is due in 5 days and DH and I just can't agree on a boys name- I'm so worried that I can't sleep- worried that when the baby arrives, if its a boy, that my first emotion will be dissappointment because I can't have 'my' name.

Girls name was easy. If its a boy I would like to name him after my father (Peter)- DH says that it's great for a middle name, but a child should have it's 'own' first name. I've just always dreamed of having a son called Peter. We talked about it months ago, and even though it wasn't exactly what DH wanted, he agreed "because it meant so much to me" - now he's back tracking.

He says I'm being stubborn for not considering anything else. I've tried- I'm trying!- I spend hours looking at baby name lists- at a push I don't really mind Adam, but it's just not what I want. I'm worried that if I don't name a son after my dad then ill always regret it.

Do I sound spoiled / melodramatic? Does a child really need it's 'own' name?

I can't seem to find perspective- I had tummy cramps earlier on, and was so worried that baby was on its way- I don't feel I'm ready yet because of the name issue sad

DessieLou Tue 02-Apr-13 04:43:17

okay, first of all take a breath!
When I was pg with dd we couldn't agree on anything and it was really stressing me out so I kinda know how you're feeling. It's so lovely that you want a name with such meaning behind it but I think you need to be open to the option of it being a middle name. In my book that's what middle names are for- honouring those who are no longer with us but are still a big part of our lives, and for carrying on family traditions. Your dh kind of has a point. It's not that babies should have their own name, but that they do. When dd was morn I had my heart set on a name, dh on another. But she was neither of those and just looked like something different. Make a list of every name either of you like (unless the other really hates it) and just see what he looks like. I know every one says that and I thought it was nonsense too at the time! But dd has a name that we both thought was just ok and now I am so in love with it because it's her name! Take your time when naming him to really consider every option (dd was nameless until day 2 as we wanted to wait until we'd had a decent nights sleep so we could think straight). Your boy may just be an Adam. And Adam Peter is a really lovely name!
Sorry for long waffling response but it is 4am after all! Best get used to those sleepless nights grin

Beatrixpotty Tue 02-Apr-13 08:15:25

You've got another 42 days to register the birth after the baby is born,you don't HAVE to have a name beforehand.So just relax,wait until you meet your baby and decide then.One of my DSs has his grandfathers name,I disagree with your DH that it has to be a middle name.Wait & see..people on here usually say that after a long hard labour it's only fair to let you choose the name anyway!

MolotovCocktail Tue 02-Apr-13 10:25:55

It's all about compromise ... but ... try and stand firm with this one, wishful.

We were in your exact same shoes for DD1: I wanted to call her Mia; DH wanted Naomi. It was such a struggle. We compromised on an entirely different name in the end, that took me about 18 months to get use to. DD1 is now 4.1yo and has grown into her name - I don't see her as should-have-been-named Mia but there is a little part of me that kind of wishes I'd dug my heels in an not tried to please him so much.

Fwiw, I chose DD2's name! (Its not Mia - she deinitely 'is' her name. Maybe if we ever have another DD, she will be Mia).

MolotovCocktail Tue 02-Apr-13 10:28:14

And, my DH now says he actually likes Mia stubborn git! shock

I agree with your dh - a child should have a name chosen for himself, not just be named after somebody else. Peter isa fine middle name and once your ds arrives he will soon so fit whatever name you choose that you won't for a minute think 'he should have been Peter.'

Naming is about compromise. Neither of my dds have any of 'my' first choice names but I think it's better that a name is chosen together and that will involve compromise by both parties.

Adam is lovely btw.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 02-Apr-13 12:17:59

worried that when the baby arrives, if its a boy, that my first emotion will be dissappointment because I can't have 'my' name

Really? your first emotion? Please don't fret, a safe delivery is the main thing, fwiw I don't think a DH will refuse you anything after seeing you deliver his child. It's all unknown territory right now but try and stay calm.

Adam Peter sounds great, (as does Peter Adam!). It's not unheard of for baby to be given names and then be known as the 2nd name or a different nn altogether. Perhaps another name will pop into your heads as you cradle him in your arms. You might yet have a DD.

wishfulthinking1 Tue 02-Apr-13 13:47:54

Thanks all- everything seems brighter in the light of day.
donkeys - I know it sounds ridiculous- I just can't bear the idea of clouding what should just be the most amazing moment.

I'm still very much undecided about what to do. When I get upset, dh says that of course we can name a son Peter- but I just feel awful, like I'm emotionally blackmailing him- which isn't my intention- I just feel so strongly about it.

But whatever we call our child, like everyone says, I'm sure it'll grow into its name- and I'll just be delighted to have a healthy child.

I do really appreciate yours thoughts, thanks for taking the time to reply.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 02-Apr-13 13:57:01

No not ridiculous at all you can't help feeling what you feel. I'd chuck a few names at you to help consider alternatives but I don't think that's what you want, see how things go and it may be pink balloons not blue on the day.

Thurlow Tue 02-Apr-13 14:05:49

Is there a name you both 'don't mind'? We went for a name that was neither of our first choice, as neither of us could be won around to the other's first choice. So we found a name we would both have put, say, 3rd on our list.

It's genuinely not a name I would ever have imagined future DD's having, but now she is here is it her name, in some ways more so because it is not a name I had any preconceived ideas about.

Then we gave the family names as middle names.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 02-Apr-13 14:08:49

Some people have a pact that if one person gets to choose the DC1's name, their partner will definitely choose that of DC2. Risky but worth a go?

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