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Baby name AIBU

(28 Posts)
mumbaisapphire Mon 01-Apr-13 19:06:22

It turns out that I have nothing to worry about, but i have been pondering what might have been and wondered what others thought re: the etiquette involved in this particular situation.

DP and I are expecting our first baby at the end of the month. We chose not to find out the sex and so have been having fun coming up with girls and boys names. BIL and SIL announced they are having their 2nd DC a few months after us. With their first they found out the sex and the baby had a name pretty much as soon as they had their 2nd scan. Their choice. I knew they would want to find out the sex of their 2nd baby, but was kind of hoping they would not name the baby before we had ours, but of course knew it was a possibility they would given previous form. So I've been waiting to find out and lo and behold they have already chosen and publicly announced the name. Thankfully it is not a name that is to our taste so there is actually nothing to worry about. I just wondered what people thought about the etiquette in this situation - should they have had the good grace to wait and let us name our child first given that our child will be born first, or is it their prerogative to pick and announce a name ahead of ours? As I said it is kind of irrelevant because their chosen name is not on our list, but I can't help but wonder how I would feel if they had picked our favourite.

GummyAdams Tue 02-Apr-13 10:57:20

I undertand what you're saying OP, though perhaps it is a bit U!
One of my friends was due after me, but found out the sex and used her little girl's name when referring to her. At the time, it felt almost like she'd jumped the queue and 'met' her baby before we met oursblush. I blame hormones.
One thing was, when friend's baby was born, everyone was relieved name had arrived safely and it was more of a 'phew' moment, whereas DS was more of a 'surprise' because nobody knew anything about him, which is something you'll have to look forward to I suppose.

thethreeblondies Tue 02-Apr-13 09:38:17

We were in this situation with our first DC, BIL and SIL found out they were expecting after us and found out they were having a DS and "named" him straight away (shortly before I gave birth), it was a name on our shortlist (we wanted a surprise) and I was a bit miffed that we couldn't really have used it if we had wanted to, luckily we had a DD so it worked out ok! But just wanted to say that I get your point OP and don't think YABU! smile

squeak2392 Tue 02-Apr-13 02:50:28

I'd be a bit annoyed if they announced the name and it was the one I was absolutely in love and just hadn't announced for various reasons, but I think even in that case no one could blame them for anything and I'd just have to get over it.
I've heard of this happening, but tbh I've only ever known one person to announce their name outright (2 if you count her friend, who as far as I though didn't actually use that name in the end). In my experience people generally say 'Oh, we were thinking of X or Y but we can't/haven't yet decided between them'. I think it's best to keep the name to yourself or to at least have some ambiguity until the last few weeks, if only because you very well may change your mind before then.

SleepyCatOnTheMat Mon 01-Apr-13 23:33:46

The OP was just wondering about this - why y'all being mean?

SherbertStraws Mon 01-Apr-13 23:08:36

I think your hormones have made you a bit loopy

LittleOne76 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:55:45

You choose to wait to find out the sex and decide the name then. The risk that someone else uses that name and announces it before your baby arrives is all on you.

YABU BUT I think people who announce 'The' name before the baby is born are plain bonkers, so they are being u too.

Letticetheslug Mon 01-Apr-13 19:53:24

just realised you don;t even like the name..

have yo unothing else to worry about?

mumbaisapphire Mon 01-Apr-13 19:52:45

Ok it doesn't matter anyway as I said its irrelevant and we aren't in that position. Happy to be told AIBU for wondering, but also quite glad it's a non issue as it turns out.

SanctiMOMious Mon 01-Apr-13 19:39:12

they probably named their baby to make sure that whatever name you might choose, this was going to be their name. why not? why shouldn't they?

but as you don't like the name, youdonnn't have to choose something new.

using the same name would be inconsiderate to the grandparents who'd have two gc with the same name. so now, in 2013, that would be a weird thing to do.

EspressoMonkey Mon 01-Apr-13 19:39:01

YABU they can do what the heck they want. When i was heavily pregnant with DC1 our chosen name was 'stolen' by my sister and used for her dog! I was a bit miffed but i got over it, you don't own names.

happynappies Mon 01-Apr-13 19:32:43

There is still no reason why you couldn't use the same name, if it had been on your list. In reality it might put you off, if they announced the name... A squabble over a name isn't really how you might like to be announcing your own dd's birth... But if you felt strongly about it, you could choose it, as someone else said, your dd would be born first. I've had four dcs, so feel for my sister, currently expecting her first. She'll probably like very different names, or at least I hope so - I've used all the best ones up grin

Letticetheslug Mon 01-Apr-13 19:30:25

for goodness sake...I am speechless.

You remind me of my (ex) MIL who burned with resentment for the 23 + years ( had left husband by then, but it probably continued) because her sister inlaw had chosen the girl's name she had decided on..the fact that her sil actually DID HAVE a girl and mil had a boy didn't matter

wigglesrock Mon 01-Apr-13 19:29:48

Really, see I'm the opposite, I do exactly the same as your relatives only I don't find out the gender. I never played coy with names. I picked a few boys or girls names but if anyone asked if I had thought of names I would tell them "yup either ........ or ......."

Machli Mon 01-Apr-13 19:25:09

grin don't be ridiculous. You know April Fools should only be dine before 12 don't you?

BackforGood Mon 01-Apr-13 19:24:12

I understand your ponderings grin

I think that whoever says "their baby is going to be called X" first, gets first dibs on the name, should it have happened that you both picked the same name.
We were like you, didn't want to know the sex, and didn't discuss names with anyone, but if we'd been in that situation, even if our child was due first, I think we'd have just moved to 'Plan B' if a close relative had said they were using a name we'd thought of, even if their baby were due after ours.

StrawberryMojito Mon 01-Apr-13 19:23:50


If they had picked a name that you had chosen as your favourite you should have said "oh that's what we plan to call our baby if its a boy/girl, looks like there might be 2 in the family". Then your baby is born first, you name it what you want and they have to deal with it.

SirChenjin Mon 01-Apr-13 19:22:38


You can both call your baby whatever you want. In fact, you could both call them the same name, if you both liked it. A name doesn't 'belong' to anyone.

BikeRunSki Mon 01-Apr-13 19:21:10

People can announce their intended names before the birth even if they don't know the sex.

No one "owns" a name, although I do think it is a bit "first come first served" when two couples like the same name unless there has been some previous discussion.

(Having said that, my first name is a family name, usually given to the eldest daughter of the eldest daughter. It is also my niece's (not eldest D of eldest D) middle name, because I didn't have any dc at the time and my sister reckoned I never would shock. six years later DD came along, eldest D of eldest D, and I used it for her middle name. Cue strop from sister that I'd pinched her DD's middle name - even though it is my first name and DD is in the "right position" to have it).

MrsBungle Mon 01-Apr-13 19:20:00

I don't think there is a known etiquette in this situation. They can name their baby whatever they like, as can you.


Coconutty Mon 01-Apr-13 19:18:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo Mon 01-Apr-13 19:18:15

I think you are nuts to even think about this.

NewlywedUpTheDuff Mon 01-Apr-13 19:17:45

I'm afraid I also feel you are being unreasonable. Picking their child's name is just as special as it is for you picking yours. If they had picked the name you had wanted I could understand you feeling a little upset, but you said yourself you wouldn't have even picked the name anyway. I would let if go and just focus on your baby.

DomesticCEO Mon 01-Apr-13 19:16:32

You've got too much time on your hands!! grin

YAB utterly U

Why should they hold off choosing a name just because you are? confused

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