Dh and I have a dilemma and I wondered what people think we should do...
We have some very close and very lovely friends. We and they both have one dd. before they were born, we discussed possible names, realised we both liked the same/similar names and agreed that we would each choose the name we loved, regardless or which baby arrived first, even if the other had chosen the same name. The littles ones arrived and we chose different names (partly, in our case at least, and I suspect on their's too, to avoid treading in the others' toes!). In the course of our conversations, we also discussed boys names, though we both turned out to be expecting girls.
Fast forward to now, we are expecting dc2, who is a little boy. We are really struggling to choose a name and dh has fallen in love with a name that I know, from before, that our friends really like(d). They are not expecting, but do plan more children in future, who may, or may not, turn out to include a boy.
What should we do? Avoid the name to leave it 'available' for them in case they ever want to use it? Go ahead as they may not ever need it/may have changed their mind by then?
If we speak to them about it I am absolutely certain that they would tell us not to worry about them and to use the name if we want to, because that's the kind of lovely people they are. They would say it (and mean it) even if it meant they felt they could never then use the name themselves, as indeed we would do for them if the roles were reversed. I just don't know if, as a good friend, I should not even consider putting them in that position.
Apologies for the essay!! Mn jury, what do you think??
I'd use it. Since they aren't expecting now the kids won't be the same age and therefore probably not in the same circle of friends at school. The only time it will be "weird" is when you're all together, and I doubt it will be an issue.
Use it! Friends stopped talking to us because of the name we gave Ds3 (we actually had no idea they had planned the same name for their own baby BTW) We live in Manchester they live in London so was not a big deal anyway. Turns out the 2 dcs they had after ds are girls but they still think we should have asked them before naming him. (We know all that through common friends). Life is two short!
They might not want to use it by the time they have the opportunity to, anyway, whatever you decide.
I was pg the same time as my sisinlaw. She was expecting a girl and I was expecting a boy. After a conversation about names, I was convinced she was going to use the girl's name I loved as she loved it too. She didn't and now I'm pregnant with a girl and I'm not going to use it either!
When I was pregnant (unsuccessfully as it turned out, though happily 36 weeks now) one if my best friends who was not at that time even in a relationship outright barred me from using "her" boys name, even though she obviously had no immediate childbearing plans let alone a guarantee of a boy!
I was a bit as was DH who quite likes the name she bagsied, but you know what, I actually love the fact she was so brazen, none of this "of course you must use it <followed by years of silent offence>" nonsense! And now I am expecting a boy another name that was never on our shortlist with DC1 (or attempted DCs 2&3) has come to feel like "the one" for DS, so I hold absolutely no grudge against my slightly ridiculous friend, and wish her all the best in having her boy one day (now rather more likely as she has a partner!).
if they had used it for their child and it was an unusual name i would say no. no-one owns a name, but if a close friend has chosen low ranking name to escape their kids being bigx or little x then show some consideration.
however, she is not pregnant and so its quite likely they will never need to use the name and may well have changed their minds by then anyway.
however, you may have to accept them using it at a later date.
In this situation I would use it. If she was pregnant with a boy and had already proclaimed this to be his name, I would avoid it. I know nobody "owns" a name but in some cases its just really bad manners and leads to lots of bad feeling - I don't think this is one of them. Use it!