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Calling baby the same as a friend's baby. Don't know how to handle.

(44 Posts)
Uhoh2007 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:30:10

It's an old friend from college days. We meet up in a group of housemates perhaps twice a year? We all lived together for three years so were very close. We would always invite each other to big events (weddings etc) but we're not in each other's everyday lives as in she lives in a totally diff part of the country and I'd maybe text her once every 6 months or so.

Last week she had a baby Emma - i'm due shortly. I appreciate this isn't exactly the most original, but it's not really list topping at mo. Anyway, we have had the name chosen since finding out we're having a girl - but have only told a few friends. We already have a DD and I just know I'd have been quite upset (irrationally?) if the other person had gone ahead with the name with it being our PFB.

Rightly or wrongly we're going ahead with it as we've always called the baby Emma, have sorted her room with name on wall etc etc

I just don't know how to do the right thing here in terms of telling her? She's so, so lovely and I want to handle this right. Please help me!

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Wed 27-Mar-13 14:12:29

Quick, post the card on the way to the hospital! grin

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Wed 27-Mar-13 14:11:36

Ooo, good luck x

Uhoh2007 Wed 27-Mar-13 10:23:46

Thanks Merly - considering I've started getting labour pains it mightn't be too long! grin

I'm sending off the card today - just going to be matter of fact. Fab choice of name and she'll have an Emma here to play with.

I'm now thinking it's silly to over complicate.

MERLYPUSS Wed 27-Mar-13 10:03:58

Wait til you've given birth and if you still like Emma, and it suits her, go for it. (I really like the card idea too but if you are not due for a while I would put something along thr lines of... Emma is the name we have had lined up for ages so we obviously both have great taste. So subject to a last minute post birth change of mind ther will be two lovely Emmas)

Uhoh2007 Wed 27-Mar-13 08:36:55


Coconutty Tue 26-Mar-13 21:56:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uhoh2007 Tue 26-Mar-13 21:05:47

That's really helped. Thanks Biscuits. We did tell people our choice early on as have lots of pregnant friends at mo - just unfortunately not her!! Damn it!

I'm sending off the card tomorrow and I think I'm settled on a quick, jokey PS great taste in names (obviously not making the birth of her PFB about me!!!). I remember it all too well!!

I actually think the sending out a mass text, then one specific to her (and leaving reference off the congrats card) may be best bet - but selfishly I don't want DD to pop out and have to still be worrying about this if that makes sense? Just want to enjoy it. Is that awful?

It's not a big thing I don't think (perhaps cos I'm not having PFB but DD2). I think it would have been panic stations if it was a best mate from home? Or am I just trying to justify this?! We're really not 'in' each other's lives, although it may be weird when we do all meet up with the kids. I'll feel tres unoriginal!

Biscuitsneeded Tue 26-Mar-13 20:39:23

I too am still friends, many, many many years down the line, with my university gang. When we texted to announce the arrival of our DS 2, who is Theo, my (male) friend texted back with "You cheeky bugger, you've used our name " - they had a son 6 weeks later and did indeed name him Theo, and I specifically encouraged them to do so as it's a great name. I don't have a problem with that at all. We decided independently on a name and as we all have good taste we happened to choose the same one. 4 years later another friend from the same group called her first child William - that's my Ds1's name. I don't own the name and it's pretty common so I have no reason to feel aggrieved. It's just nice to know that other people share my taste!
I agree that you maybe shouldn't make an issue of it all now. When your Emma is born just send a text just for them that says 'great minds' etc. The fact that you don't even live nearby means they couldn't possibly be bothered unless they are very petty people...

Bue Tue 26-Mar-13 13:53:02

Emma was the 49th most popular girls' name last year (I just looked it up) so these things are bound to happen. Just email her telling her she has great taste in names, that you have already chosen that name too for your DD. This is not a big deal!

Uhoh2007 Tue 26-Mar-13 13:28:32

Maybe a line in the card saying 'fantastic taste in names too ;-)'? And leave the rest until I send out the announcement texts?

Uhoh2007 Tue 26-Mar-13 13:25:55

Siluria - funnily enough that's exactly what I intend on doing!! Also weaving in about it being a nice link for the girls as I think it will be :-) Ruby's suggestion.

I am about to send off a present and card - is it weird to avoid all reference?

I'm now secretly hoping they've got things wrong and it's a boy!!

siluria Tue 26-Mar-13 09:43:42

I think, for now, just congratulate her wholeheartedly on her baby smile

When yours is born, don't send her the standard 'Baby Emma was born at x weighing x' text most people send to everybody in their address book - send her another text announcing your baby and saying you'd been calling your bump Emma for months when she had her DD, and what a coincidence you've both chosen the same (gorgeous) name. Great minds think alike, and all that.

As others have said, if she's a true friend (which it sounds like she is), she won't mind a bit - people often name their babies long before they're born, so yours is already Emma just as hers is. It's just a coincidence, and not a wholly unsurprising one given that the name is a genuine classic.

Congratulations OP!

Teaandflapjacks Tue 26-Mar-13 00:43:05

Sorry for my terrible spelling! Must locate glasses!!

Teaandflapjacks Tue 26-Mar-13 00:42:22

I think with a name like Emma it would be fine to go ahead and use it - but check about middle names - to ensure now clashes there.! I would call her and see how she is getting on, and then just talk to her about it - say you have used the name all the way through etc and you would be gutted to change it now - that it is a nice link for you guys. I personally think talking to someone it better than a card but that is just my way.

I have been on the other side though - a fair few years ago a 'friend', who was soon to get married (I was a singleton then) asked us what we had in our heads for girls and boys names, if any for our future kids - down the road. I said the name I had always longed for - and had always pictured - first and middle name, they went very nicely together. They are unusual enough to stand out, but not weird etc - traditional. She said at the the time, oh that is beautiful etc - I wish I had thought of those together. Well..... a couple of years later, she popped out her girl - and used both names - and never once was mentioned to me! I was furious. I think if she had said something to me I would have felt better about it, but she didn't. Humph!

Lovethesea Mon 25-Mar-13 20:41:56

I have old school friends I see and contact about the same as you with your friends. It wouldn't bother me at all if they called their children the same as mine and I really don't think they would be bothered either. We just don't move in the same day to day circles.

Don't change it, she'll be fine. Give it a few weeks and the last thing she will be worrying about is someone else's baby.

RubyrooUK Mon 25-Mar-13 16:24:05

I guess the thing is only you know your own friend and what would work for her.

Personally I'd find it nice if someone mentioned them calling their child the same name as mine in a card, but then it really wouldn't bother me at all if someone used the same name as me anyway. I have two friends who both called their sons the same name and it has become a link that means they joke a lot about the "two Xs". Which is why I suggested it.

But if like other people on here, you think that's making too big a deal of it, there is no need. You probably know your friend best.

ElegantSufficiency Mon 25-Mar-13 14:16:39

I agree with astley . dont send a sacchirine text paving the way for something that is about you/ your child. cobgratulate her on her baby.

ElegantSufficiency Mon 25-Mar-13 14:11:47

Id pick another name. my couisin called his dd lydia when i was pg. ok. back to the drawing board. he doesnt know id settled on lydia.

rainbunnieseatingalltheeggs Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:18

I wouldn say anything imagine telling her you are calling dd Emma and it doesnt even suit her.
My sil robbed my name i had for ds3 she even took the middle name but you know what im glad she did as i dont even like it now.

Astley Mon 25-Mar-13 13:46:08

Just mention in casually over the next few weeks. Don't make a big song and dance when she has just had a baby about what you will call yours!

I wouldn't mind someone using the name, but I would mind getting a card that had a massive section of, frankly BS, about 'the special bond' our children would have now you were going to use the same name. Let her have her time in the sun.

Uhoh2007 Mon 25-Mar-13 13:39:54

What do you reckon Astley? I know what you mean - she's just had her first baby!!!! It's not about me - but equally do I just spring it on them when we announce?

Astley Mon 25-Mar-13 13:27:20

Please don't liaten to the advice to fill her congratulations card with a load of stuff about what you will call your DD shock

That is just ridiculous. Use the name, but come on, on her congratulations card?!

ravenAK Mon 25-Mar-13 00:00:09

Equally, from the other side of this, when dd2 was born an old friend of mine, pregnant at the time, texted congratulations with a jokey 'You bugger, you've nicked our name!'.

I definitely hadn't - hadn't seen this particular mate for a year & we had never discussed baby names.

She subsequently named her dd something different, & I've always hoped she didn't ditch her first choice because of us; it really wouldn't have mattered if our dds had shared a name & I'd hate to think we spoiled it for her. In fact, another friend liked the name so much she shamelessly copied it for her dd a year later. That's fine too.

If your friend is a good mate she won't mind at all, surely. Rubyroo's text is a good one.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 24-Mar-13 23:47:24

Anybody who chooses a popular name has to be realistic about the fact that other people, even in their own circle, may choose the name.

If it was a more unusual name, then it'd be more of an issue, but not with Emma. smile

Yfronts Sun 24-Mar-13 23:08:56

Just email her if you prefer. Congratulate her on her baby and mention that great minds think alike and she must take this as a compliment. You decided on Emma too x many months ago and can you believe you already have a name plack on her wall ready!

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