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Can you help us with our naming issues?

(21 Posts)
poppydaisy Wed 13-Mar-13 13:43:42

"Also I think there is something slightly uncomfortable about changing the surname- it kind of cuts them off from the rest of the family. Names are significant in having a sense of belonging to a family, hence why it is recommended with adoption, etc."

I agree with this. I think it is lovely to be part of a big family, going back for generations - and the surname ties us all together.

Are your surnames really that awful?

CrimsonRed Wed 13-Mar-13 05:29:14

You've probably already considered this, but what about hyphenation? Do your surnames sound better together than apart?

For example:

Stanley Hanley sounds bad, but Stanley Smith-Hanley is ok...

Do you get my point?

mabongwen Wed 13-Mar-13 04:49:35

I'm going to be honest, I don't think it's a wise idea to give your baby a brand new surname. The point of a family name is it's just that. It's a name the entire family have and share.

I do like the idea another poster had of possibly changing all you'r names by deed-poll, so you can all share a name.

The problem is if you give baby a different surname, is when he/she gets older he/she will have to keep explaining why they have a different name to both mum and dad, it would get tedious and annoying for everyone involved.

mathanxiety Wed 13-Mar-13 04:36:25

Could you do something Icelandic and name him XYZ-son? If you ever had a daughter you could name her XYZ-dottir (but then she would possibly turn around and ditch the name if she ever married and you would have gone to all that trouble for nothing)

I have to say I agree with Mewkins' post -- be it ever so humble (or clunky, etc) the shared name is important.

mewkins Tue 12-Mar-13 23:07:06

It would be a real nightmare if your dc's descendants wanted to trace their family tree in years to come!

Also I think there is something slightly uncomfortable about changing the surname- it kind of cuts them off from the rest of the family. Names are significant in having a sense of belonging to a family, hence why it is recommended with adoption, etc. Surely better to discuss with your child when they are older and see if they would like to change it then.

Ps. I grew up with a dodgy but unusual surname. It is character- forming and a conversation starter if nothing else.

hatebeak Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:06

We thought about creating a new family name but typically never got round to it and I kind of wish we had. I kept my name and while it doesn't bother me hugely to have a different name to my children, it's occasionally a bit weird/annoying. If you are organised enough, I'd devise a new name for all of you.

ErikNorseman Wed 06-Mar-13 06:59:17

It would be bizarre to give the baby an entirely new name, but if you all had the same new name that would be quite cool.

RememberingMyPFEs Wed 06-Mar-13 06:50:38

Friends of mine changed their family name to an old family name on one side when they got married so now they have a DD all 3 if them have the same name.
They were both female but I don't see why you couldn't name-change the whole family through deed-poll.
Having 3 different names might get tricky.

nooka Wed 06-Mar-13 06:31:14

We have friends that gave their son a new surname. I always thought it was quite cool. I don't think it's that unusual to have family members with different names, although people might make assumptions about parentage.

OkayHazel Wed 06-Mar-13 02:40:10

Monica from Friends new that Bing was a shit surname and would sound crap with everything, so went for the names she loved.

I suggest you do the same, or forever regret.

luanmahi Tue 05-Mar-13 22:59:50

I'm with BeeBop. I think the point of a "family" name is that it identifies the family so if you don't want to use either your or your husband's name, make a new one but then adopt it for yourselves as well. It doesn't really make any sense to me to have three different surnames.

BeeBopDingALing Tue 05-Mar-13 22:46:43

I say go for it. Have your own unique family name but all do it.

BlackAliss Tue 05-Mar-13 21:40:12

My parents changed their surname before I was born as they didn't want to lumber me with a name they both thought cumbersome. Did no one any harm though I think the paternal grandparents weren't 100% chuffed... however they survived. I love my surname as it was chosen just for me and I have kept it when married (and we double barrelled our dcs as my dh's names isn't brilliant on its own). I also know of other people who have made changes to their surnames to save the kids from teasing (eg Gay changed to Gray). So I don't think it should be beyond anyone's comprehension really.

ladymia Tue 05-Mar-13 21:33:49

This to me sounds like a ridiculous idea, sorry!

I would only do one of these

1) give them baby your surname
2) give the baby your OH's surname
3) double barrel both yours and OH's

To invent a surname for this baby is beyond my comprehension

saltpepper Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:52

Pancake, yes baby will have a different surname. Interesting mixed views, thanks all. Any more opinions welcome.

cakebar Tue 05-Mar-13 16:54:03

We considered this, albeit for different reasons. We didn't in the end, and I'm glad. I think it would have seemed a snub to dh's family to ditch his family name, although they wouldn't have said anything.

For practical reasons I don't think it's ideal for children to have a different surname to their mother if that is any help (btw that doesn't mean I think everyone should be married, it means that if dh and I had not been married DC would have taken my surname, not his).

AThingInYourLife Tue 05-Mar-13 16:52:10

Unusual, but entirely reasonable.

LynetteScavo Tue 05-Mar-13 16:49:20

Your names can't be that bad!

Personally, I wouldn't do it, but then I like my DC having the same name as me.

2cats2many Tue 05-Mar-13 16:45:49

It would definitely be unusual and you would have to explain yourself to every noseyparker or the rest of your days, but there's no reason why you can't do it.

Are your names really that bad?

Pancakeflipper Tue 05-Mar-13 16:42:31

I am a being a bit thick, do you mean baby gets a new surname? One different to you both to suit a first name?

saltpepper Tue 05-Mar-13 16:27:20

Dh and I both have last names which quite frankly sound rubbish with most names (I kept my name when we married). They're ordinary names - and sound ok enough until you start trying to choose a first name to go with them!

We've now come up with a shortlist of five boys and girls names but these names are all compromises for us both - not because we can't agree but because our last names don't go with the names we love.

We have chatted about giving DC a different family name and I wasn't keen on the idea but now I'm starting to think it might be a good idea as I can't imagine calling our baby one of the names on our shortlist. Ideas we have considered are making a new name by combining both our names (but this doesn't work!) and also using one of our mum's maiden names.

Any opinions much appreciated - would it be very unusual to give our baby a completely new family name?

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