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Did you chose a name you like but don't love? How did you feel?

(29 Posts)
megaclock Wed 28-Nov-12 10:31:33

If so, did you get used to it quickly or did it take time or are you still a little unhappy with it? DH and I couldn't agree on a girls name and there were last name issues so our baby girls name is a compromise.

It's a name I like, it sounds pretty and people generally think its a nice name but its not the one of the ones I really wanted. I have no intention of changing it as it's not that I dislike it, it just isn't the one.

We've made our decision though which is a triumph in itself but it still feels odd and I feel sad Has anyone else felt like this or am I on my own? (sits here imagining everyone else loves their DCs names ....) Is it ok to have chosen a name thats not top of your list?

ditzydrawers Wed 28-Nov-12 10:47:23

I think it's probably totally normal. Most people I have spoken to about it say it was hard to find a name they both agreed on.

I loved the name Eva but my DH wanted something more unusual. It felt really sad letting go of the name I adored.

But when he did eventually go for one of my suggestions, which had in hindsight always been at the back of my mind, it felt like a triumph too, just as you describe!

And I love that name more than anything in the world now because it is our DD's name.

But I do feel fleeting sadness whenever I meet babies called Eva. One of my best mates had just had one...it was actually a compromise for her as her DH hated her first choice!

Naming children is an odd thing and I think it takes a while to adjust to whatever you choose.

I am sure your choice is the right one.

aimingtobeaperfectionist Wed 28-Nov-12 11:02:42

I had a name chosen the whole way through my pregnancy and I loved it. Then contractions started and for some crazy hormonal reason I told DP he could choose the name?! confused
DD's name is lovely and her DF chose it so that's a nice story for her but I wish I'd called her the name I'd chosen.
If we have another I'm choosing the name.

MoetEtPantsOn Wed 28-Nov-12 11:08:45

Through both pregnancies I had names which I loved. DH wouldn't engage with the decision making process until near the end. Both times he vetoed the names I was really set on and I had to go through a few days "mourning" for the names. The second baby's name is his choice. He knew that I didn't love it and really appreciated my compromise.

Now I do love it. It's her name and I also love some of the short forms that I thought were my main reasons for objecting.

aimingtobeaperfectionist Wed 28-Nov-12 11:10:32

Ditzy I hope your friend is not me blush

ditzydrawers Wed 28-Nov-12 13:14:09

Perfectionist, have you recently gone to live in another country??

Haarlemmer Wed 28-Nov-12 15:25:21

Yes, I did. DH and I couldn't agree on our DS's name; we didn't really argue but we just couldn't find any common ground. We did have one name picked that would have been DD's name had she been a boy, and so we had both thought we'd use that for a future DS. However, a very good friend who was pregnant at the same time then miscarried at 21 weeks and called her son that name. We just felt we couldn't then use it as our babies would have been born days apart had all gone well.

I then had another name I really, really liked - and really wanted to use and DH just wasn't keen. Quite why I agreed the name we went for, I shall never know! I regretted it for a long while - discussed it on this forum too - and regularly cried about it.

A year on, I have made my peace with his name. As other wise souls have mentioned, your baby does become that name. I console myself with a couple of things as well:

* It's HIS name. It was never on the list of possible names for DC1 - so it came fresh for DC2.
* DH really likes it.
* Just before his first birthday - I added the name I wish I had chosen as an additional middle name. If he ever feels we gave him the wrong name, and that my hunch was right - he has that choice! It's also a family name, with great meaning. I felt the weight was lifted off my shoulders the moment we made that decision to add a name.

Benaberry Wed 28-Nov-12 15:38:54

Dh and I struggled to agree on names for both DS's. First time around, we ended up going for my favourite from the shortlist, with a family middle name from my side, and I really loved it - still do 6 years later.

DS2 a whole different ballgame. Restricted by use of a middle name from DH side, which didn't go with many names, and although I like it, I don't love it. Dh wasn't overly keen on my top choice, and vice versa, plus both combinations sounded a bit clunky with the middle name.

Ended up using the middle name as ds2's first name, and my favourite as his middle name. This way around it does flow so much better, and it does suit ds2, but I'm still not wildly in love with it. I do like it though, and it is growing on me more and more (ds2 now 4 months)

aimingtobeaperfectionist Wed 28-Nov-12 17:52:00

No! Not me! Very similar story though.

Murtette Thu 29-Nov-12 23:01:00

DD is DC1 and I love her name but know DP only likes it. With DS (DC2), the name I loved was vetoed by DP so we went for one we both like. DS is now 6mo and I still have moments when I look at DS and think we should have gone for the name I preferred as I think he looks like that name but he's still got a solid, traditional name (which was important to me) so I don't think it really matters. I also remind myself that I actually prefer the female variation of my favourite boys name so if we went to end up having DC3 and that was another DD, then I would be glad we hadn't used my favourite boys name as it would rule out the use of the female variation.

Flojo1979 Thu 29-Nov-12 23:06:57

DC1 name I knew straight away, its the name I'd planned years for, then DC2 came along and I was stumped. Finally got it down to 2, one relatively uncommon one and a pretty but common one and everyone pulled their face at my uncommon one so I went for the other, now I think its too common and always think she'd have suited the other better and wished I could go back and change it!

SouthernComforts Thu 29-Nov-12 23:15:37

Yep. My ex dp named our dd before I'd even seen her. I had an EMCS and she was on scbu. By the time I was allowed to see her it was on all her notes etc. sad I do love her name now but I would have called her Jessica. Her name is nothing like Jessica.

1978andallthat Thu 29-Nov-12 23:52:30

So pleased you have asked this. We've just agreed on my second choice because dh has concerns about my first choice. But I am kind of grieving it.

LiquidLunch Fri 30-Nov-12 09:22:33

We didn't have 2 of our dc's names on our list.

But couldn't agree on any names.

Both names 'came' to us and although we don't love the names, 1 suits their name perfectly and the other is too young to suit it yet. But I'm sure they will.

Good luck.

MolotovCocktail Fri 30-Nov-12 11:31:01

I definitely grieved with DD1s name. Its a compromise: I wanted Mia and DH wanted Naomi. We're both quite stubborn and as this was our PFB and hadn't named a baby before, we were even worse.

Why we didn't name her Naomi and NN her Mia is BEYOND me

Anyway, she has a lovely name and it's grown on me (she's 4yo in Feb): but it took a couple of years to stop feeling sad when hearing other babies/children named Mia.

DH can't quite handle that I've felt like this. But when I chose DD2s name, he said not a word against it.

MolotovCocktail Fri 30-Nov-12 11:33:37

And I'm glad you asked the question, OP, as I felt God-awful feeling okay about her name, but not crazy-loving it.

1978andallthat Fri 30-Nov-12 16:18:54

Gosh three weeks to go until due date for dc2 and this has totally made me revisit girls' names as I'd agreed to my second choice. Aargh - what to do!

Bue Fri 30-Nov-12 18:10:41

Southern shock I can't believe your DP did that! Does this explain why he's ex? grin

I think this is very common, OP. I know my parents compromised on both kids' names. My name is my mum's all time favourite, and my dad didn't love it. But when I was born he decided I should have that name. With my sister, my dad loved the name and my mum just liked it. Interestingly, 30 years later she kind of prefers my sister's name, which is classic and in fashion these days, while mine has fallen out of fashion. I do think that eventually every child 'becomes' their name and it doesn't matter so much a few years down the line.

DialMforMummy Fri 30-Nov-12 19:04:11

Op I could have written your post. I am in love with DS1's name (we both loved it) but for DS2, we had to settle for a compromise name that, ironically, I suggested.
I quite like the name but I am not madly loving it like DS1's. It's a tricky one and there is not a great deal anyone can do about this.

pickledparsnip Fri 30-Nov-12 19:17:49

My son is named after his Great Grandad on his Dad's side. Was decided by ex, he was a total arse about it. It is a very very popular name, I wanted something more unusual. I don't dislike it as much as I did, but it has been 3 years and I'm still not happy. He has my surname though, which does make it much better.

pickledparsnip Fri 30-Nov-12 19:22:00

I plan on giving my son an extra middle name of my choosing. I get regular name envy, as I live somewhere where lots of kids have unusual names.

NellyBluth Fri 30-Nov-12 22:02:40

I settled - well, DP was set on a name and I went along with it.

But like the others say, as long as you don't hate the name, it really does become your DC's name and you love it for that reason. I honestly can't imagine what else DD should be called, and she really doesn't seem to be like any of the names I would have called her.

I always end up saying this on threads like this, but I do wonder that if I had called DD a name I had loved for years, it would feel less like her name because, to me, there was so much attached to her name, if that makes any sense.

bellarose2011 Fri 30-Nov-12 22:07:02

yes, my ex told everyone what my first daughters name was when i hadn't even agreed.
people starting coming to hospital with cards with the name on, i didn't even really like it.
so exhausted from 48hr labour that i just went along with it.
i wish i hadn't, i don't hate the name and i don't think about it alot but its not what i wanted.

pippinsmum Fri 30-Nov-12 22:14:27

I named my ds2 the name dp and ds1 wanted, which i liked but didnt love!

Ds2 suits his name but a little part of me wishes we had called him my name.

FriggFRIGG Fri 30-Nov-12 22:56:20

Yes,I did,DD's name,
I've never loved it,I don't remember ever agreeing to it really...DP just really though it was 'her' name,and,through a fog of hormones I just went with it.

She's four now,and I still regret it massively. sad

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