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Help with middle name. Do I give baby his estranged fathers name as a middle name?

(19 Posts)
datingthedevil Sun 04-Nov-12 01:02:44

Hi all,

I'm going to be a single mum due to my baby's father leaving us and running back to his mummy for bitty (despite him having two other children with his ex wife).

I've chosen the name Joshua. It's my favourite and the only name I've ever wanted to use.

Josh is going to have 'Christopher' as a middle name - it is my dad's name. Dad died in May this year four days before I found out I was pregnant so this is important to me.

My question is - so you think I should give josh his father's name as a middle name too (Daniel)?

So Joshua Christopher Daniel ?

Josh's dad wants nothing to do with us but I stupidly feel I should give him his name. He WON'T have his surname however.

What do you all think?

Many thanks xxx

NewNames Sun 04-Nov-12 01:19:19

I wouldn't. Why would you?

NewNames Sun 04-Nov-12 01:22:10

To expand: I think middle names should be special and have meaning, which is what the Christopher is for, which you gave chosen. Father sounds like a nobber - Don't name the boy after him

addictedtolatte Sun 04-Nov-12 02:17:24

agree with NEWNAMES. my children are named after people i admire and respect. and my ds father doesnt come into that catagory.

SomersetONeil Sun 04-Nov-12 08:16:02

Hmm, I wouldn't.

If I'd been named after a parent who actively wanted nothing to do with me, it'd feel like a horrible millstone around my neck. A reminder of a person who should love me, but who doesn't. Horrible.

I think the best way not to cause future upset for your DS would be to avoid the name. He's going to be more likely to be upset with you for bestowing it, than upset with you for not, IYSWIM.

Snog Sun 04-Nov-12 08:18:28

What would be your reason for giving ds his father's name? Guilt?

SomersetONeil Sun 04-Nov-12 08:19:35

I mean, he's hardly going to come to you, aged 12, and ask, 'why didn't you name me after my birth father who I don't know and never see?' is he?

Whereas you could feasibly envisage him saying, 'what did you give me that fucker's name for?'

MolotovBomb Sun 04-Nov-12 08:22:21

No - just Joshua Christopher will suffice.

You have nothing to prove to Josh's Dad and no reason to honour him. If he wants to build a relationship with Josh in the future, the onus is on him to prove something.

Don't give him an automatic advantage, or make it seem like you're hankering after him if you are not.

Good luck x

Kelerina Sun 04-Nov-12 08:32:10

I agree with all pp's, don't do it. I would feel really hurt to be named after a parent who wanted nothing to do with me, like a constant reminder of how little I meant to him.

Joshua is lovely by the way

MolotovBomb Sun 04-Nov-12 09:45:29

I meant to add that Joshua Christopher is lovely

tacal Sun 04-Nov-12 10:21:31

I was in a similar situation to you and decided to give my ds his estranged fathers name as a middle name. I came to my senses and changed ds's middle name to my father's name around the time of his first birthday. I am so glad I did because my father passed away a year later. My ds is 3 now and has had no contact with his father. It would be horrible if he still had his estranged father's name as a middle name. I would hate having to say his full name. But now I feel so happy when I hear him say his full name because he has a middle name that means so much to me and I can explain it was his grandfathers name and his grandfather loved him very much. I would say, dont do it as you may regret it like I did.

datingthedevil Sun 04-Nov-12 10:39:58

Thank you so much. I just needed to be told I was being mad.

Joshua Christopher it is smile

TessOfTheBurbervilles Sun 04-Nov-12 12:41:09

I once went through this very say thing devil, when naming my DS1.

I fell pregnant at 19, and the father had made it very clear from day one, that he wanted no part of the child's life.

When my son was born, I thought as though I should give him his father's name as a MN, so I understand why you were thinking this way. I think for me, it was thought I wanted to say to him (the father), 'you might deny your son, but he is yours, so I'm giving him your name'.

However, when I looked at MY dad cradling my newborn son, and I could see the love he had for his grandson in his eyes, I knew there and then it was his name I'd use instead.

Funnily enough, my dad is also Christopher, and it's a fine name for any child (whether it's as a FN or MN). (My son is Jack Christopher).

My son is now 12 (a month away from 13), and he's never asked why he doesn't have his father's name as his MN, and it certainly doesn't bother him. Why would it? His father has never even laid eyes on him.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sun 04-Nov-12 13:24:57

I agree with everyone else. Daniel is a nice name, but I wouldn't name a baby after a fuckwit, even if that fuckwit is his father.

Joshua Christopher is lovely.

datingthedevil Mon 05-Nov-12 00:00:16

How about Joshua Christopher, son of fuckwit Daniel ??

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Mon 05-Nov-12 00:16:51

I like it wink, I can see the birth announcement now....

datingthedevil Mon 05-Nov-12 00:58:07

In the times?! It would be great! Shame the times is a bit too grown up and intelligent for him.

Fifi2406 Mon 05-Nov-12 19:47:53

No way!!!!!!! My sons dad left when I was pregnant not in a million years would he have anything even remotely similar!

echidnakid Mon 05-Nov-12 22:07:48

Glad you're not going to do it. He doesn't deserve the honour.

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