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Registration deadline looming and STILL NO NAME!!! HELP!!!!

(51 Posts)
rachael2401 Sun 21-Oct-12 20:10:37

Help please! I have to register our daughter this week and we are still undecided. We had a boy's name all sorted as we were both convinced it was a boy and when she was born I was soooo gobsmacked I made the midwife check she was a girl several times!!!!! We had never settled on a girls name and so decided to give it a few days to decide. Five weeks later.... We already have a Jessica. I have always loved the name Martha but suggested Anna during pregnancy which DH really liked. I thought it sounded like a well grounded person's name! DH isn't as keen on Martha due to our surname being Parsons. So I suppose what I'm asking is does Martha Parsons sound ok or not? Middle name will be Poppy if that makes a difference. DH as said we can have either ... We (i) just have to decide. I am having major issues making any decision let alone such a big one. Please help!

FarrowAndBollock Mon 19-Nov-12 17:45:42

Well done for recognising it is not about the name.

I had the exact same thing.

Get yourself feeling better and then you can decide. You can always say you decided to change as your DD1 found the other name easier to pronounce/it didn't suit her etc.

hatsybatsy Mon 19-Nov-12 11:34:58

Rachael - hugs - the name is not really the issue is it?

Can you talk to your gp/health visitor/friends/Mum about how you feel? Feeling down/mixed up after having a baby doesn't mean you don't love them. No one doubts how you feel.

Try to relax about the name- don't talk about it fore a while? You seem to think 5 months is a deadline for changing - I know of one family who changed the name at 12 months quite happily and the child is fine!

smother Mon 19-Nov-12 10:33:09

I really feel for you and know how dreadful this sort of thing can feel. It must be a difficult time to see any clarity on this - you're tired, your hormones are all over the place after the birth and it sounds like your DH and family are not listening to you and supporting you in the way you would like. I would suggest not making any hasty decisions - if you do decide to change her name, you don't need to do it today or tomorrow. Just take a moment for yourself, go for a walk, spend time cherishing your new DD and keep calm. It feels intense to you now but this will all work out.

For what it's worth, I think both Anna and Martha are really gorgeous names and both sound absolutely fine with your surname. It really is up to you and your DH what to call her. Probably neither will feel right to you in the state you're in just now so get some rest, talk to DH about what is troubling you and see where that leads you.

baskingseals Mon 19-Nov-12 09:04:13

rachael - your dd takes after her mum then - lovely.

really hope you feel a bit better, talk to your HV if she is nice, and be kind to yourself.

Anna and Martha are both pretty names. if i were you i would sit on it for a while and then see how you feel - even just a day or two.

DeSelby Mon 19-Nov-12 08:02:46

Both Anna & Martha are lovely names, I prefer Anna and would have named DS2 it had he been a girl.

I hope you get the help you need. With relation to her name, you can call her what you like, it doesn't have to be the same as the registered name or even what your husband calls her. I actually referred to my first baby as "the baby" for about six months, and I love the name I gave him. Maybe to do with the little person having his own identity or because I was too tired to actually remember his name half the time!

rachael2401 Sun 18-Nov-12 22:21:10

ps my dd2 is completely lovely. i canont complain about her in any way. she is chilled, doesn't cry lots, feeding well (although i do wish she would take a bottle so i have the option of leaving her for a few hours in the future!) smiley, lovely love lovely. please don't think that i don't appreciate how lovely she is.

rachael2401 Sun 18-Nov-12 22:18:12

thank you all. am ok. think i Will be fine. there are a lot of other things going on for us right now which is making things worse. you're all right. it's probably not about the name as such, although i do so wish i had voiced how i felt straight after birth birth(baby born, amazing delivery, shock at it being a girl, thought 'it's Martha!') what a flipping mess ! am seeing HV don't worry! she is registered Anna by the way.

Thisisaeuphemism Sun 18-Nov-12 20:55:43

Ah rachael, a lot of people feel this way. I confided to a friend that I was unsure about ds2 name and couldn't bring myself to use it - she said she was the same with her 2 nd child name and the only way she got used to it was by saying it in a spanish accent (she is not Spanish) I did this too - and other comedy voices- and eventually bout a yr later it worked.
Anna is a simply beautiful name but it is early days yet and you might not realise just how lovely she is!
If you need help, and it is hard with a toddler, please reach out. Xx

wizzler Sun 18-Nov-12 20:52:41

I imagine if you changed the name now some people might be a bit confused but that would soon pass.. just say you didn't feel Anna was right for her..

However I think Anna is a lovely name, and it was one which you liked as well. I don't want to presume too much because I don't know you, but wouldn't the stress of changing the name and having to explain to everyone, more than outweigh the benefit of calling her Martha? Sounds as if you don't need more anxiety in your life at the moment

Whatever you choose, I hope it all works out for you.

GlaikitFizzog Sun 18-Nov-12 20:50:10

So what is she registered as? I personally love Martha but our surname is m c a r t h u r which is even more rhymey. So it would be a eesounding no from dh if we were to ever have a DD. i would still try to,persuade him thiugh! smile

I think you don't need to worry about the rhyming. I really don't.

NorksAreMessy Sun 18-Nov-12 20:46:48

Oh, rachael this really isn't about the baby's name is it?
Are you feeling overwhelmed altogether?
Do you need some help?

Anna and Martha are both lovely names, and it looks like your DH has made the decision so you don't have to. Call the baby Anna, its a lovely name, and calling her by name will help you to bond with her...and forget you ever worried.
Go and kiss your DH and talk to your health visitor.

We are here to look after you as well

rachael2401 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:25

notmarlene - wish i had seen your post sooner!

rachael2401 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:37:15

hello lovely people who responded to my post. am hoping for some gentle honest advice. i have been very low since having dd2 and was struggling with naming as you know. i went todo birth declaration (as baby born in different authority) and went with Martha poppy. got home and had major panic attack about it. cue ridiculous amounts of tears, huge row with hubby and sleepless night. the next day i drove to the town of her birth and registered her as Anna. two weeks later i still refer to her as the baby. feel i should have had the courage to stick with my gut feeling. all sorts of things going on including relatives referring to baby as Anna. worry about giving her a rhymey name. basically i could not cord with the weight of the decision being on me. am now being seen by doctors re pnd and feel that the name thing has become wrapped up in this. am now wondering whether i should change her name to Martha. have researched and baby does not recognise own name until five months ish and she is nine weeks tomorrow. husband not impressed (to put it mildly) i have dd1 who is two and a half and he says not fair on her or him. says people Will think we are odd. am concerned about my relationship with her. i feel i am starting to bond now but with i had a name i could naturally use without feeling forced. hubby calling her Anna at every opportunity with makes it feel even more forced to me. your thoughts please. please be kind ; am feeling rather fragile. no alternative name suggestions please!

smother Wed 24-Oct-12 09:52:14

Hey rachael2401
How is your decision coming along? remember it's a win-win situation as both names are lovely... do let us know what you decide!

baskingseals Mon 22-Oct-12 18:42:17

much prefer Anna. what about Marta?

FluffyFish Mon 22-Oct-12 18:39:40

Flip a coin. If you feel disappointed with the result it means you secretly wanted the other one.

Dogsmom Mon 22-Oct-12 17:34:23

If you liked Joseph for a boy and Anna for a girl how about Joanna Parsons?

smother Mon 22-Oct-12 16:55:26

I think it would be such a shame to be put off the name martha because of the Mar/Par! Martha Parsons sounds fabulous to me!

VolumeOfACone Mon 22-Oct-12 16:31:37

I think Anna goes better.

eBook Mon 22-Oct-12 16:01:24

I think the Mar/Par is too rhymey.

thegreylady Mon 22-Oct-12 15:45:33

Josephine Martha
Anna Michaela

Teamthrills Mon 22-Oct-12 15:03:42

I prefer Anna.

persephoneplum Mon 22-Oct-12 11:54:44

Anna Parsons is much nicer - the repeat of the Mar Par sounds would drive me batty. But that's just me.

notMarlene Mon 22-Oct-12 11:29:36

Oh, just thought - AFAIK you can ask for an extension of registration deadline. If you call they should be able to tell you more.

stowsettler Mon 22-Oct-12 10:52:20

Martha Parsons sounds sing-song, not rhymey. I think it sounds lovely.

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