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baby name etiquette

(12 Posts)
Anomaly Tue 18-Oct-11 20:48:48

My sister is due before me and she hasn't found out whether she is having a boy or a girl. I found out at my scan today I'm having a girl. There is a girl's name I am very keen on and have been for years. So do I tell my sister or should I keep quiet and let her have it if she wants it?

NoHunIntended Tue 18-Oct-11 20:53:53

I think I'd sound her out a bit first, see if she has any in mind, and if she is willing to either tell you, or give you clues.
This is what we did with SIL/BIL who were due two weeks before us, neither of us knew genders, but she told me how many letters were in each name, so I was able to feel 'safe' that I could get excited about my name choices, as the number of letters was different. Plus they had two existing DC so we knew their taste in names isn't the same as ours anyway.

I do think it's first come, first served though, so if she does have the same name as you lined up for a girl, that's bad luck for you.
How far ahead of you is she? Is there any chance you could be early, and her late!!! This was a possibility for us with SIL/BIL.

rachel234 Tue 18-Oct-11 21:35:24

I just don't understand these questions. There are literally THOUSANDS of gorgeous girls' names around - so not only would it be a coincidence of you both choosing the same name, but also that the two of you should be able to agree on different names. Yes, of course talk to her!

Fixture Tue 18-Oct-11 21:35:57

I agree it's "first come first served". Great idea about the clues and how many letters are in the name, so you don't have to discuss the actual names smile

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Tue 18-Oct-11 21:39:29

If you know the name you definitely want to use now then you should tell her, that way you can deal with any 'Oh I was going to use that now'... and work it out before you have your lovely babies smile

Sirzy Tue 18-Oct-11 21:41:03

I would have a general conversation about names -which surely you would anyway with your sister?

But generally I think "first come first served" is the rule. I certainly wouldn't try to turn it into a big issue!

NoHunIntended Tue 18-Oct-11 21:44:05

Ah see though, Chipping, even though my siblings and siblings-in-law are lovely, my lined-up names are SO wonderful, they'd not be able to resist stealing them. smile

EdithWeston Tue 18-Oct-11 21:48:39

It's up to you, and whether by sharing with her she'd tell everyone and if she did, would you mind?

If you do, BTW, you really mustn't then nick her top choice/s if she's come up with a name you haven't considered and suddenly think is perfect!

NoHun's idea for indirect deconfliction is a good one.

tammytoby Tue 18-Oct-11 21:50:49

I'm surprised how much some of you are 'worried' about someone else stealing your name. I mean, thankfully we all have different tastes and are unlikely to love the same names. Yes, there are indeed lots and lots of lovely names to choose one, and I would talk to your sister, in fact I'm surprised you're not doing so anyway.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Tue 18-Oct-11 21:53:39

There would be no stealing if it was me - I have a tone of voice grin

NoHunIntended Tue 18-Oct-11 22:18:02

Chips, I have a tone AND The Eyebrow, but still, not risking it! grin

Anomaly Tue 18-Oct-11 22:20:27

My sister doesn't want to discuss names with anyone in the family. I suppose she doesn't want to hear negative opinions on names she might be considering. Considering my Mum's responses during discussions of my other children's names she is being sensible. I could tell my other sister and my mum because neither of them can keep their mouth shut so would definitely tell her. I could ask her directly but then she might insist I don't tell her. I'm not bothered about other people knowing I'll talk to anyone about names. There are lots of gorgeous names out there but I've always adored this name and while a niece with it would be lovely I'd prefer it to be my daughter's name.

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