Surnames - DH or mine???

[RueyBoey]

Right.

DH has just informed me that he thinks our DC should have my surname

I have a very french surname, a large family etc
DH has a typical common scottish surname but he is now the only one apart from his mum in his family to have the name (FIL died, all sisters, all female cousins only aunts etc) He feels no connection to his name and feels mine comes with more of a past/family etc with it.

I didn't take his name and will never use it.

So am I just being oldfashioned re: his name? Or will it cause problems down line eg thinking we and DH aren't together, DH not dad (or me not mum if use DH surname).

Opinions from both sides if you please

[tallulah]

Can't see what the problem is. He feels no connection to his name, you don't use it either- why would you then give it to your DC?

[HardCheese]

Sounds to me as if you're both in agreement - one name means something to you both, one doesn't, so use the one that does ...? Or use both? Our baby-to-be will have both our names as its surname - we're not married and if we were I wouldn't dream of taking his name, though it's a very nice one.

I have lots of female friends who haven't their changed their names on marriage, and whose children were given either their father's or mother's surname, and it never posed any problems at school or elsewhere. Thankfully, things have moved on from the assumption women are happy to be relabelled like parcels after their wedding ceremonies.

[kelly2000]

Why can't DC have both surnames, if he wants to he can drop one later on.

[said]

Mine have mine. Wouldn't hesitate to use yours if your husband is very in favour

[Greenwing]

We gave our children my name for similar reasons to yours.
Although we are married I kept my own name so they had to be different to one or other of us anyway.
They have their father's surname as a middle name so that it is more obvious to schools and other official places that they are his children as well as mine. Hasn't caused any problems - apart from with my mother-in-law perhaps!

[iskra]

I have my mums surname & my dads surname as a middle name. It hasn't created any problems. Go for it. Dd has her dads surname though, not mine.

[muminthemiddle]

I would use your name as from what you have written it sounds much nicer than your dhs.

[scarlettlips]

Which name goes with your future DC's name better...yours or DH.

Given what your saying, would your DH take your name too....? That might be nice? Then you all have the same name as your DC's. Just a thought?

Friends of mine have just got married and he took her name..he was from a huge family with lots of boys and she was the only child. That way her family name can carry when children arrive.

[minipie]

Sounds like you both prefer and think there is more meaning in your surname - so use it.

If some people make wrong assumptions - so what? You, your family and your friends will know the truth.

[MogTheForgetfulCat]

Friend's sister has this, kids have her surname because her DH's surname is truly dreadful, he had a rough time at school about it and said he wouldn't inflict it on children. Occasionally people have thought he wasn't their dad - but she and he both know that he is, so no problem really. I'd use yours. I wish I'd used mine, much prefer it to DH's!

[Ephiny]

If you're both happy to use your name, then use it. It's hardly unusual these days, and as for people making wrong assumptions, is it really essential for random people to know who is biologically related to whom in your family? Not that having the same name proves this anyway!

I like the idea of using his name as a middle name, then you pass on something from both sides of the family - though if he really truly isn't bothered about his name, he might not see the need to do this.