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Is this as bad as I think?

(42 Posts)
Cjax Fri 22-Jul-11 09:25:32

I am 6 months pregnant and my French husband and I are pretty much in accord on first names so far. He was incredibly close to his grandmother who died about 5 years ago and he would like to use her name as a middle name. I think this is a very nice idea except that his grandmother was called Raymonde which I think sounds really bad from the UK perspective. I have tried to explain that it is the equivalent of calling a little boy Andrew Sarah xxxx but he is pretty adamant. We live in France at the moment and it would be fine there if a little old fashioned but we are likely to move back to the UK in the medium term and I feel that it would be a really tough one for our daughter to deal with in childhood/adolescence etc. I should point out my husband is not just being stubborn, I think this is very important to him and he sees it as a really meaningful way to honour the memory of his grandmother, who he often describes as his second mother as she was so important to him.

So am I just being paranoid or is it really as bad as I think?

Cattleprod Fri 22-Jul-11 09:32:06

I think a lot of people have middle names which honour relatives and so happen to be old fashioned or a bit embarrassing.

I looked up Raymonde in my names book and there is an alternative spelling of Raymonda. Would your husband agree to that, as the a makes it more obviously feminine (along the lines of Nigella, Paula, Georgia etc)?

Leena78 Fri 22-Jul-11 09:33:11

I think, as it is a middle name, it will be fine?

razzlebathbone Fri 22-Jul-11 09:50:40

I think it's absolutely fine as a middle name.

PipFEH Fri 22-Jul-11 10:24:37

I think it's fine as a middle name. It could easily pass for a surname and I know a few people who have given girls their maiden name as a middle name.

supadupapupascupa Fri 22-Jul-11 10:28:51

did she have a middle name you could use instead?

TrillianAstra Fri 22-Jul-11 10:33:25

This is what middle names are for - slightly odd family names.

RitaMorgan Fri 22-Jul-11 10:36:56

Not an issue at all as a middle name.

Actually I think Raymonde would be fine as a first name too if you live in a more diverse cultural area. It wouldn't raise eyebrows where I live.

Cjax Fri 22-Jul-11 10:39:06

Thank you I feel a bit better about it. I'm not aware of a middle name, I did suggest using her surname but he wasn't keen on that. Raymonda is slightly better but I doubt he will go for it as it wasn't her actual name...

AmaraDresden Fri 22-Jul-11 10:40:55

As a middle name it'd be fine, she doesn't need to tell anyone and it doesn't need to used - my DP's middle name is hilarious as it was chosen after one of his parent's favourite musician at the time... He never uses it, just the initial.

LeoTheLateBloomer Fri 22-Jul-11 10:45:52

I have very little recollection of knowing my friends' middle names growing up so don't worry. It will only be an issue if you allow it to.

Your DD could invent another name beginning with R if any friends do ask and she doesn't want them to know. Or she might say very proudly that it's French and that she's named after an important person in her father's life.

PaperBank Fri 22-Jul-11 10:54:36

How about Ramona? It's a feminine form of Ramon and Raymond.

ExitPursuedByAGryffin Fri 22-Jul-11 11:01:55

I think it would be fine as a middle name - how is it prounounced - is it just Raymond, or is it Raymondey (iyswim)?

SiamoFottuti Fri 22-Jul-11 11:08:02

in Ireland there are men with middle name of Mary. I shit you not.

pookiet Fri 22-Jul-11 11:11:41

how about Monde then instead? i think that sounds really pretty tbh or maybe find out if anyone ever called her by anything else, shortened down her name perhaps....
but in all honesty i wuldnt worry too much about it. i am assuming her surname will have a french feel to it?? so im sure it will all sound really lovely when you say her full name anyway. and i think to be far, middle names are always a little different and in the uk they are hardly mentioned anyway (in my experience anyhow. i think you should just embrace the fact that your daughter will be sharing her name with someone whom your husband obviously felt a great deal of love for.
thinking about it aswell. i dont immediately see RAYMOND when see the name, not sure if its just me......

heavenstobetsy Fri 22-Jul-11 11:14:48

I think middle names are exactly for this! she doesn't need to publicise it if she doesn't want to when she's older.

..... however, I always loved Rae for a middle name. Would this work as a shortened version?

GwendolineMaryLacey Fri 22-Jul-11 11:17:46

Middle name fine. I think it would cause problems in the uk as a first name. Having said that, I worked with a French Laurence but no one ever spelled her name correctly.

missmiss Fri 22-Jul-11 11:18:13

It's fine as a middle name.

LifeOfKate Fri 22-Jul-11 11:20:53

Absolutely fine as a middle name. You should see the horrors I am about to bestow on DC2 grin

Cjax Fri 22-Jul-11 11:22:43

I really like Ramona actually, it's worth a try. The prononciation of Raymonde is pretty similar to Raymond in English but with more stress on the final syllable. I do remember kids at school getting teased quite badly for having funny middle names so I guess that's why I'm so worried about it, although my husband says that if kids want to tease they will always find something and I suppose he's right. Maybe we could avoid putting the middle name altogether if registering for schools in the UK?

brodanbell Fri 22-Jul-11 14:32:27

Don't worry about it. It is a middle name and will rarely get used. If she doesn't like it then she can simply say her middle name is something else - it's not like she's going to be going to school with a passport to prove it. On the other hand, she might like the fact she is named after a person that was clearly important to her father, plus it is French and therefore a bit exotic. My parents had a choice of giving me an italian middle name but in the end opted for the English version and it's soooooo boring. I wish they'd stuck with their gut feeling.

Psammead Fri 22-Jul-11 15:09:39

Would you consider two middle names? Elizabeth Grace Raymonde xxxxx or so?

fastweb Fri 22-Jul-11 15:26:46

I think if you are unhappy about it but happy to consider similar names, then a compromise needs to be reached. If you REALLY don't like a name proposed it is worth not capitulating at all, because your child will be wearing it for a very long time.

DH wanted to call DS after his father. Except Franco is not my cup of tea. So after a minor tussle, we compromised with Francesco as a legal name and Frankie as a nn.

I wanted to have a middle name after my grandfather, but DH wanted it to be Itlalian-ised so it didn't look odd with the first name, so that was Giorgio as the middle.

So far so good.

Then MIL threw the mother of all fits and wanted her name in there too. The feminine version, not the male form.

DH for the sake of not fighting would have let her have her way, but since I didn't like the name in the first place I dug my heels in and held out for the masculine version.

Wish I had just dug in harder now and simply refused a third name all together.

Because it irritates me every time I see his whole name written down.

Don't talk yourself into something you don't like, if you really don't like it. Push for something that you really can live with, that also takes into account your Dh's preferences.

Ephiny Fri 22-Jul-11 15:27:08

I think it's fine, Raymonde with the 'e' sounds feminine to me even in English (it's quite elegant actually!), and I don't she why she should be teased about it. If you really hate it and can't bear for your DD to have it, then keep pushing for an alternative - but I think it's a perfectly nice middle name and really don't think it'll be a problem in the way you fear.

I have a boring middle name too brodanbell - in fact I have the one that pretty much everyone with my first name has, so utterly predictable too! I'd much rather have something 'exotic' like Raymonde!

Never known an Andrew Sarah!, but did meet a French man with Marie as his middle name, which we'd consider strictly girls-only in the UK. I think it's quite common in Catholic countries to use Marie/Maria/Mary as a male middle name?

MissTinaTeaspoon Fri 22-Jul-11 15:33:09

My French dh has Marie as a middle name because it's a family name and his parents knew he would be their only child so they would never have a girl to give it to. We gave it to dd but I wouldn't have given it to a boy had she been one. It wasn't really as important to him as it seems to be to your dh though. As others have said, why not give her 2 middle names and then she can choose whether or not to use it? Or did his grandmother have a middle name that you prefer?

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