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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

disagreeing so badly.. the conclusion..

62 replies

danio7 · 10/07/2011 10:43

DH and I disagree so badly with names, we rarely find ones that we even both like a little bit.

As we dont know the sex of the baby we have come to the drastic conclusion of choosing a sex each. He has Boys and I have Girls- we each have one veto.. he has already vetoed my favourite name!

I know that this is a really drastic conclusion but rather one of us be happy than both of us settle. has anyone else got this problem, what did you do?

Or did anyone else try this solution, did it work for you?

OP posts:

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exoticfruits · 10/07/2011 10:47

We just kept going until we had a compromise. I wouldn't go for your solution and having a boy's name that you probably hate.

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Cattleprod · 10/07/2011 10:50

I'd suggest you both do a really long list (maybe 50 names of each sex) that you don't hate, and see if there is any common ground at all. For example, there may be a long name that you love and he's not keen on, but he may really like a shortened version of it.

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Bandwithering · 10/07/2011 10:54

i don't know about that plan. My x and I couldn't agree either. My dc1 has a compromise name (although I think he secretly liked it a lot more than he let on, I felt a bit played,,, but anyway). I do not strongly dislike the compromise name. I really would have hated if he'd had absolute free rein to choose whatever he like (bar one veto).
There's a fifty - fifty chance that that will happen you know~!!

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ragged · 10/07/2011 11:57

I think you'd both be happier in long run with a name that you both find tolerable even if neither of you love it. Better that than a name that one of you loves but the other one loathes.

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stupefy · 10/07/2011 12:01

You are the one pregnant and you are the one giving birth therefore YOU get the final say.

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pictish · 10/07/2011 12:02

Stupefy that's nonsense. Of course her dp gets an equal say!

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cece · 10/07/2011 12:04

I would not like that arrangement. My DH and I had little agreement on names. Our girls name is the one we agreed on most and funnily enough it is the one I like least now. OUr boys all have compromise names and now I love them all.

I would persist for a compromise.

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cece · 10/07/2011 12:04

Can you give us examples of your names and his names please?

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stupefy · 10/07/2011 12:07

Of course it's not nonsense. Mum does all the work, mum gets the final say.

Of course a compromise is better but not if it means the child having names both parents think is meh.

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pictish · 10/07/2011 12:08

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pictish · 10/07/2011 12:11

Ok....I think a compromise is easily attainable. there are a zillion names out there. Something somwhere will eventually appeal to both....that's how it generally happens.

'What about xxxx?'
'Oooh yeah...I LIKE that actually!'

Bingo!

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Bandwithering · 10/07/2011 12:18

Yeah, I can see now that I was fixated on choosing a name that reflected my taste accurately. ofgs. I do now see that my own criteria were a bit rigid. eg, i dismissed some lovely names, Phoebe and Lydia because they were "too popular". I've met one of each in 9 years.

Can you give us some of your names and some of your husbands names?

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cece · 10/07/2011 12:41

Well I wanted Sidney and DH wanted Ethan and we still managed to find a name we liked...

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danio7 · 10/07/2011 12:54

hi all, I have listed some examples below, naturally you might not like mine and will love his and vice versa....

DH-
Sydney
Terry
grant
Tyler

Mine-
Amelie
Bonnie
George
Sonny

We really do vary that the compromise names both of us are resally unfussed about.
At the moment, he is very focused on Harry (which is his dads name) so I am very encouraging on that one although it doesn't really blow my skirt up!

I would just rather that one of us would be really happy.
even if it does mean that my Son might be Terry the 40 year old plumber.

I like the 50 names list....

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turCENSOREDss · 10/07/2011 12:58

I don't like any of his choices. Actually they are horrid. I like your girls' names but prefer Harry for a boy.

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danio7 · 10/07/2011 13:00

PRECISELY!! so I think if I can make him stick with harry it would be okay.. perhaps I should start praying for a girl!
or find out the sex and then use the name game to my advantage...

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BillComptonstrousers · 10/07/2011 13:01

I can see why you don't like any of your dh choices, Grant? Terry?? Good lord, I know it's bad form to hate peoples choices of names but those are hideous!

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DaisySteiner · 10/07/2011 13:01

If my dh thought Terry a suitable boys' name I would file for divorce....

And Sydney is a girls' name.

So you'd really prefer to be delighted with the name you'd chosen and your dh be gutted?! Or vice versa?

Personally we always waited until the baby was born before choosing and then were always able to find a compromise we were both happy with whereas beforehand we often disagreed.

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pictish · 10/07/2011 13:04

Terry and Grant??!

Heheheee he IS a big silly!

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danio7 · 10/07/2011 13:06

ah yes, Sydney was one of his choices for a girl.
I think I would, I just know that I would be able to get used to a name that one of us loved, it would make the pill easier to swallow.. I havent used my veto up yet.. I dont want to shoot my bolt too soon.

we both make suggestions to eachother, but cannot over all have a say as to the name.

Apart from compromising, does anyone else have any ideas as to how to come to a conclusion?!

his names are horrible though.. he thinks 'amelie' would get teased and that 'bonnie' is a trashy name :(

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PaperBank · 10/07/2011 13:10

I think a compromise would be best - not good to have one of you think a name is great while the other doesn't like it.

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cece · 10/07/2011 13:10

I think the baby is both yours and his and I really would go for a compromise that you are both happy with. TBH I can see where you are both coming from although I dislike Tyler.

I think both writing a list of 50 names each and then swapping lists for crossing out/keeping may help.

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turCENSOREDss · 10/07/2011 13:11

I think you should have the final say anyway - it's your fanjo making the sacrifice!

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danio7 · 10/07/2011 13:11

ooh I forgot to mention.. if it is a boy- I get to choose the middle name and if it is a girl, DH gets to choose her middle name!

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NotJustKangaskhan · 10/07/2011 13:12

I agree with the long list idea. It's what I do with my husband (who has little interest in names) - give him a ridiculously long list of names, have him cross of what he doesn't like and give a rating for the rest (because otherwise I'll just get 'yeah, that's okay'). We did this just yesterday for girls' names, and finally whittled down to a top 3 short list we both love, including two names I liked but didn't love until we started talking about them and I'm far more content now having our short lists for each sex done.