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How to handle matching middle names

(14 Posts)
MsChanandlerBong Wed 29-Jun-11 17:48:29

Hi. We have a dd due in September and are working through a short list of names, but haven't decided on a first name because a) DH's brother had a dd due before us and we didn't want to pick a name and then have them use it b) ditto for Victoria Beckham!!!

However, I have had my heart set on the middle name Rose for some time (uumm, about 15 years!!). I know this is really common popular for a middle name at the mo, but I want to name my dd after my sister, who will also be the godmother (plus I think it is a beautiful name).

Unfortunately Dbil/sil also thought it was a beautiful name, and have given their dd the middle name Rose (she was born a week or so ago). We are not close (they live overseas and we don't have much in common really) and we hadn't discussed it with them, so there is no blame or ill feeling towards them. I am just really disappointed as I completely have my heart set on the name.

So my question is not - what middle name shall we use instead. It is - how do we approach using the same middle name? When people make mention of it, do I just brush it off and say "it's after my sister, her godmother, oh yes it is a coincidence" or do you think people will think we're really odd?! Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you handle it?

Thanks in anticipation smile

sancerrre Wed 29-Jun-11 17:55:06

Not odd at all. Would be more tricky if it were first names. Just explain you chose it ages ago and reasons why. Can't imagine they'd mind.

cloudydays Wed 29-Jun-11 17:57:12

"it's after my sister, her godmother, oh yes it is a coincidence" is completely reasonable and someone would have to be really contrary to make an issue of it.

Lovely, classic name + middle name, not first + significant family namesake connection for you = nothing strange there at all.

Any one of those on their own would be enough to make it a non-issue.

Blu Wed 29-Jun-11 18:00:29

I can't think of any reason at all why you shouldn't name your baby after your DS, just because ILs who live in an another country have also chiosen it as a middle name.

Just use the name.

I bet no-one will actualluy clock, except the other parents - just tell them the truth - you were always going to use your DS's name.

It really shouldn't be any problem at all - and if it is it's caused by them being unreasonable and not worth listening to.

SoloAgainItSeems Wed 29-Jun-11 18:02:41

My Mum's two elder sisters both gave one of each of their Dd's the same first name. I've never known anyone question it or even ask about it, so I wouldn't worry about it, just use the names you like/have chosen.

cloudydays Wed 29-Jun-11 18:07:33

I agree Solo. I wonder if people are more precious about perceived name ownership than they used to be?

My brother and our cousin are two years apart in age and have the same first and middle names (last names are different). Their first name is classic and not unusual, but their middle name is a very uncommon name that is meaningful in our family.

We were all close growing up and didn't live that far apart from each other, but I really can't imagine that the name thing was a problem even when my brother was first born (he's the younger of the two). I can't remember it ever coming up.

PrincessJenga Wed 29-Jun-11 18:26:59

Just use it, but tell DS/BIL first so that they know why you did it and they don't turn up on here in a few months asking if you're being unreasonable

I really don't see it as much of an issue. Pretty name, but it won't get used much as a middle name anyway.

squeak2392 Wed 29-Jun-11 19:06:34

Just use it. If they mention it, just tell them your reasons, as they're perfectly acceptable. And anyway, Rose is so common a middle name these days you're both bound to meet someone else the same age with the name.

My niece's mn is Ella (also very common right now), after my nan who died while my DSIS was pregnant with her, and neither of us would have any problem if I chose to use any of her children's middle names on my own children (although this is unlikely, as nothing I like goes with Ella and, since my niece is already honouring her, there is no real need to use darling Nana's name again).

PrincessScrumpy Wed 29-Jun-11 19:15:36

I would just use it but then my dd had the same name as my best friend's dd. Her dd is 14 and mine is 3 but we chose the name 2 years before meeting her and becoming close. We chose different names but when dd was born our original name was just so right. my friend is really flattered and the age gap means there's no issue with getting confused. Middle name wouldn't matter but I would tell family first just for diplomatic reasons.

There a 4 of us pg at work and the others have all announced names - dh and I are keeping ours secret until dtds arrive. I am glad to know the other staff's names as they have different tastes to me and I'm due last. When's Victoria Beckham due? She had better not choose my names - with twins we've had to come up with 4 and it's been hard work but we finally have ones set that have meaning behind them etc.

superjobeespecs Wed 29-Jun-11 19:25:32

just use it!! its my MILs name and if we were having a girl she would more than likely have it as a middle name its so so pretty smile not if my mum had anything to do with it shes granny too why isnt her name getting used blah blah grin

MsChanandlerBong Wed 29-Jun-11 19:43:30

Thanks everyone! You've really helped put my mind at rest.
I did react quite badly with my disappointment initially (only DH witnessed it thank god!!) blush but with quiet reflection, and the positive comments from you I feel much better. Thanks.

PrincessScrumpy I believe VB is scheduled to have her daughter on the 4th July... so not long to wait!!

olddeuteronomy Wed 29-Jun-11 22:05:54

I don't think it is a problem as it is a middle name - and I speak as someone who would never knowingly use the same first name as a friend and would be a bit upset (probably irrationally) if a friend or family member used the same first name as me in a short space of time. Middle names are different and imo should be about honouring family members. My cousin and I were pregnant at the same time and both picked the same family middle name for a boy - in the event I had a boy, she had a girl, we used the name but don't think anyone would have batted an eyelid if we both had, in fact it would have been quite nice to have a connection as well as individuality in first name.

Sorry is bit rambling, Rose is also a popular middle name anyway so that makes it even less of an issue.

MelinaM Wed 29-Jun-11 23:54:06

It's your sister's name, no explanation required! Go for it!

Christ what the hell are the Beckham's going to come up with this timehmm

NoHunIntended Thu 30-Jun-11 18:31:24

I have the same MN as my cousin (after our grandmother) and we both like that we have a matchy name.

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