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2 months old and his now-registered name still doesn't feel right

(8 Posts)
Sparklies Wed 29-Jun-11 15:08:40

DS is two months old. We had a horrendous time naming him (came here for lots of opinions!) and in the end we settled on a name we both liked when he was 3 weeks old and he's been registered, has passport etc etc. Done and dusted.

I was hoping it would stick. It's a great name in and of itself. With DD1's name I wasn't sure but within a week or so she was clearly the name she is. DD2 even quicker.

Six weeks later and although I really like the name, it just doesn't seem like it is him. Trouble is, no name does. Even DH has not called him by his real name and still calls him "Nigel" jokingly (and no, I don't think he looks like a Nigel either!)

I instinctively call him "sweetheart" or "baby" or even "baby boy" as we did when he was born. I do try and deliberately call him by his real name but it just feels wrong and odd. When the doctor called him through yesterday it took me a while to realise who he meant - I never had that problem with the girls.

If there was another name we liked it would be a hassle, but obvious what we had to do. But there isn't another name.. possibly his middle name but there was a reason that was his middle name - we felt it didn't go with the DD's names.

Has anyone experienced this before? Anyone have any tips? Will we ever get used to it?

For those of you who have changed names (even if it's just to a middle name) - how did family and friends react, out of interest?

PrincessScrumpy Wed 29-Jun-11 16:22:37

I do think children grow into their names but babies don't always suit them straight off. I'd give ds a baby nn and see if he grows into his name. I wouldn't worry as long as you like the name itself.

SloganLogan Wed 29-Jun-11 16:30:47

If you both like the name and there's nothing else that you prefer or feels more "right" I'd say stick with it, and yes I think you'll become used to it smile

thereisalightanditnevergoesout Wed 29-Jun-11 17:47:14

DS2 is 6 months old. I'm still not convinced he's called the right name. We didn't register him for 6 weeks. I think the problem was that we didn't really have the name sorted early on in the pregnancy - with all the others we did and I kind of bonded with the baby and the name at the same time.

I wanted to call him Patrick (nn Patch) but there was already a Patrick in the family sharing the surname, so I felt a bit awkward about it. And then DS2 was born with quite a considerable birthmark across his face, so the nn Patch seemed in poor taste.

In the end, DH picked his name - he really loves it and doesn't see a problem. The trouble is, it's the same name as our cat, and on some level, I can't really get past that. It just doesn't feel like his name to me.

thisisyesterday Wed 29-Jun-11 17:55:18

yes, i have experienced the exact same thing

ds3... couldn't decide on a name. i had one name that i loved and dp didn't like at all.
we finally got a shortlist of about 4 but i couldn't decide because i didn't LOVE any of them
eventually got my way and had the name i loved

only... it didn't feel right. i think i was hormonal and just wanted what i couldn't have and i really, really wish that we'd gone with one of the compromise names

people kept telling me it was a great name and i'd get used to it. he is 2 now and i still think it was the wrong name, but he is who he is now so i wouldn't change it.

i even did the same as you and always referred to him as baby or weasel (don't ask!) or whatever else.
so my advice is... if you really don't think it is the right name then change it now while you still can. the older they get the harder it will be

in my case i didn't have another name that i KNEW would be right for him, and i was worried in case we changed it and i still didn't like it

DessertsInReverse Wed 29-Jun-11 21:02:14

i remember your previous posts at the time of your ds birth .
i had similar issues with dd4 .

dh was only prepared to consider one name which i reluctantly agreed to but knew it wasn't right , it is on paper a lovely name but i just felt it was not her. i loved one name but had 4 or 5 that i would have been delighted with dh vetoed them all mainly because they weren't his choice imo.from day 1 i felt uncomfortable saying her name , hearing it ,using it etc . always called her little one the baby , perse as in little person. i tried various nns of her name but nothing fitted or felt right and i really did try hard to embrace her name as it was her name but just couldn't settle with it.

dh refused to hear how unhappy i was with her name and was convinced i'd grow to like it if not love it etc . eventually at 9 months he realised things were not going to change to be honest i think he eventually had enough of my moaning about his inability to compromise .at this point we started to use her mn which was a name we both liked ,could both live with but had discounted as being too posh etc.
on changing her name we did get some looks and i'm sure people did laugh and i'm sure more than a few thought we were mad but i did and do feel strongly that she was our baby and ultimately it was far better to be ridiculed for a short time than live with the distress of feeling deeply unhappy with her name .people would often say but x was such a lovely name and people would look into the pram say oh hello x for months after the name change , we would have to say no she's y now which was disheartening and sometimes made me wonder if we should just stick with her original name .8 months on people will still say she looks just like an x but she now is her new name and it feels right and it's the name she should have had at birth if we'd been braver and dh less obstinate .dh now prefers her new name to her first name.

yes i do occasionally feel guilty about the saga of her name especially as her siblings had names we were happy with from birth if not earlier . i do worry she may be upset when she sees her birthcards , her baptism cert and the few personalised items etc but the name on these is still her mn and her old name will always be part of her history and is there for her to use when she's older if she wishes .

my only regret is we didn't do it sooner i think it would have been easier for people to except and her old name wouldn't have been so attached to her iyswim .

so if your really unhappy my advice would be try an alternative and see if it feels right 2 months is nothing compared with a possible life time of regret on your part
one thing that did help in deciding whether to change was to stop focusing on the negatives of each name as every name will have negatives and really focus on the strengths of each option which really helped in knowing which name we should choose.even now if i think should we have changed her name i draw out the list of positive reasons for our decisions and it's something i hope one day to share with dd

sorry for the long rambling post

good luck whatever you decide

Sparklies Thu 30-Jun-11 00:56:22

Thank you everyone for your thoughts - all very much appreciated. I think I need to have a chat with DH about what we might do and see what he thinks. I want his name to stick but at the same time when I introduce him I just feel a bit weird like something is wrong and sometimes almost feel embarrassed with what we called him even though it is a fine, normal name. I never had this with the others.

My mum was always known by her middle name so she dare not complain if we did go for one of his middle names!! We gave him two because we couldn't decide (you can tell we were not that convinced by his first name) so we could change our minds later if we wanted to.

You are all right as if we are going to do something, we need to do it sooner rather than later. And that includes fully committing to his name if we are going to as well! I guess it's time for a good old chat..

lovemybabyboy Thu 30-Jun-11 12:36:27

I called my ds 'baby' untill he was about 3 to 4 months old before I could call him by his real name...It just didnt feel right!!
Sometimes now i feel like i should have called him something else but his name does suit him now.....and hes 2 and a half now!!! grin

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