Nicknames...can you influence your child's nn?

[Fredfred]

Advice needed here please. DD2 (5 months) has a name which I like, and it was at the top of the list of names that DH and I agreed we both liked, but she would've been a different name if DH hadn't vetoed it which, like DD1's name, wouldn't have had a potential shortened version.

DD2's name has at least six possible shortened versions of her name. I like all but two of the shortened versions which I hate. I prefer to use her full name when I talk about her/to her and introduce her. The thing is that some people have already started to shorten her name and people have called her at least 3 different nicknames already (and one of them is one of the nicknames I hate).

So what I need to know is do we choose a nickname and tell everyone that is her nickname and if we do this will it stop her being called lots of different nicknames? Or do we just leave it and see which nicknames develop and I just tell everyone not to call her the shortened versions I don't like IYSWIM?

[bronze]

You can but probably not after secondary school age. If someone has a regularly used nickname though it is less likely to be changed by other people

[meditrina]

You can influence it, and you can expect that to work pretty well until your DD is out in the world independently and starts expressing her own tastes. If she picks a nn you hate, you'll have to grit your teeth - but you needn't use it yourself. That said, out of sheer familiarity and homely affection, people often stick with the nn their parents give them (or even if they adopt a different version, as my DB did, stay perfectly happy with their family continuing to use the engrained childhood name which becomes special in those circumstances).

For your current situation, I recommend you do pick a preferred nn. You use the full name or that nn. If other people use a different abbreviation, you put them right kindly along the lines of "we're using her (full name), or (preferred nn), she's not (random nn)".

[squeak2392]

This happens with a lot of Elizabeth's and Samantha's. Don't choose a nn, because they'll be even more inclined to change that, e.g. Lizzie would get Liz, and vice versa.
Just continue to call her by her full name and tell people (once they've said the nn a few times) that you'd prefer if they called her by that name. Telling them to call her by a specific nn is very controlling, but calling her by her full name is perfectly reasonable.

My only warning would be to not be too certain that her name is 'Elizabeth'. If some random stranger walks up to you and says, "Oh, how cute! What's her name?" - "Elizabeth" - "Hello, Lizzie!" - don't get in a mood with them or correct them because they've no reason to know (a lot of people introduce themselves as Elizabeth but like to be known by Liz), and they're never going to see her again, so it's not gonna harm you or baby to let her go off thinking she's Lizzie.
I don't mean to preach, but I just find people who correct first-timers like that really rude.

Also, don't get fussy if, when she gets older, she decides she likes being called by a nn and her friends call her by it. My mum gave all my siblings and I short names so that we wouldn't have any nn, but it didn't work, and I don't even notice when someone calls me by my nn. Never have.

[evamummy]

What other nickname are there for Samantha - I only know Sam's?

[usualsuspect]

I think nn develop over time ..you can try to influence it but I don't think you can as the child gets older

[squeak2392]

evamummy - Sammy, but that wasn't the point. The point is a lot of Samantha's get Sam but want to be called Samantha.

[gkys]

they just sort of develop and stick don't they? mine is a shortening of my name, and i rarely notice. althougher as a child someone took to calling me charmers, which i didn't really like,
with my three ds we used names that we didn't mind being shortened, although strangly enough we hardley ever shorten the baby's name.

when i was pregnant our youngest was to be called jackson, NOT JACK, PIL kept shortening the name, we changed it, hormones i guess, but if that had been suggested at the time all heck would have broken loose

so no, i don't think you can influence them too much, but try to loose the one that you dislike, by correcting the peole that use it, your dc will soon do the same,

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

When DD1 was first born we chose a name and am nn for her (I loved the nn but just couldn't see it as a grown up name iyswim).

We told everyone her name and then her nn she is only known as her proper name for formal stuff atm (now 5) but is beginning to write her proper name more and more on school writing etc.

If you like one nn use it (lots) and everyone else will follow suit (dd3 is currently known as Bob to FAR to many people (It ewas just a family pet name, think I might have to stamp down on that one soon tho' )