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known by a middle name . has it caused problems

(17 Posts)
smilingserenely Mon 06-Dec-10 14:08:11

we have finally decided to use dd third name as the name she is known by . that is on her birth cert she is name x, name y ,name z.

after months of negotiation argument she is now being called name z

not sure whether we need to change it on her birth cert so she is offical name z, name x , name y .

dh is keen to leave it and save the £50 (£36 to record the name change and £13 for a new birth cert) it costs to change a name in scotland.

i'm in two minds
obviously no point changing it if it's not going to cause her any problems but if it would be easier for her would change it in a shot. i feel really guilty about the problems we've had naming her . have i ruined her life etc

any one have any experience of using a middle name as a FIRST name and the problems or otherwise it's caused

neversaydie Mon 06-Dec-10 14:37:58

I use my second name. It is not at all uncommon to do this - I know several other people who are similarly afflicted.

BUT it was a pain every time I moved schools (which I did a lot) because I had to train everyone to call me by my second name. The more painful embuggarance was that my name is unusual, but quite similar to one which is very much more common. So I also had to train them to get my second name right.

So if you are likely to stay in one place, and your daughters third name is distinctive, and easy to pronounce and spell then I wouldn't bother with an official change. If not, then do it properly!

harvalp Mon 06-Dec-10 14:42:38

For some reason, my family have always used second names, for several generations now!

magichomes Mon 06-Dec-10 14:51:27

I use my second name (or at least a diminutive of it) as loathe my first. No probs whatsoever.

Rhubarbgarden Mon 06-Dec-10 15:46:51

My mother was known by her middle name and found it a nuisance her entire life. It was especially harsh in her last couple of years when she was in and out of hospital, because nurses and doctors changed constantly she was never able to train them. It drove her mad and in the end she just gave up. It seemed especially cruel that when she was at her lowest the people caring for her were calling her the 'wrong' name. I remember when a close friend of mine had a baby and said she would be known by her middle name, my Mum described it as 'cruel'.

Folicacid Mon 06-Dec-10 15:56:22

Just to add to the mix in Scotland you don't actually have to change your name officially, you just have to be known as that namebefore it is your given name.

So therefore if the name used by the child is third name, second name, first name surname then that is the child's name. You could then get accounts in that name, passport in the name etc.

Just by using this new name in Scotland it is enough for the change to be legal.

I think that using third name as first name woulod be very confusing so I would say much easier to change round the4 order of the names. It;s up to you if you want to register that change, but as I say you don't have to.

RockinRobinBird Mon 06-Dec-10 15:57:12

DH uses his middle name and it's a pain in the arse for all the reasons stated above. I also hated having to stand up in church and make vows to a different name. Took the shine off it, having to call him X when I knew him as Y.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 06-Dec-10 16:02:27

One of my brothers is, don't think its caused him any problems.

My MIL is too, the only thing she's come across was in hospital they would call her by her first name - but being compos mentis it didn't really bother her, she knew who they meant. Hospitals do seem to often put up a board nowadays stating what the patient prefers to be addressed as now so this shouldn't be a problem (my mother had 'Mrs xxx' on hers, if you please! grin)

Rhubarbgarden Mon 06-Dec-10 16:29:00

My Mum had the board and a sticker on her notes saying 'prefers to be known as'. Didn't help.

Komondor Mon 06-Dec-10 17:41:21

Well, I go by my second name (Kate). I always have, I think parents changed their mind shortly after I was born.

I gets lots of correspondence addressed to my first name, but its not a problem, and have been called by my first name re at doctors surgeries etc. It really doesnt bother me though.

Given the chance, I think I would rather have Kate as first name, but after so many years of writing my signature with the K second, I would not want to change it now.

For £50, I'd probably change the name.

defineme Mon 06-Dec-10 17:43:21

My db gas been known by his middle name for 40 years -never a problem.
Schools have a space on their form for name that child is known by. However, if you would prefer her name to be that I'd say it's worth the money.

TheDormouse Mon 06-Dec-10 22:31:04

My mum is known by her middle name. When I had my daughter the only thing she said about names was not to do the same! She's found it a low-level annoyance all her life. For £50, change it.

excitedfirsttimer Tue 07-Dec-10 12:37:06

I am know by my middle name thanks to my parents changing their mind and it casues loads of problems. First time DH took me away for a surprise weekend he booked the flights in what he thought was my name, but as its not the name on my passport it was a big issue. My exam certificates for school degree and professional qualifications are in different names so when applying for jobs i look a bit dodgy and like I might potentially be using another family member certificates. Also some places I have registered with my name that i am know by and some places I have had to use my given name so when I go to the doctors or dentist they ask my name and i can never remember which one is used where so it look like I don't know my own name. it might be just me but I have always found it a real pain

smilingserenely Tue 07-Dec-10 13:34:05

thanks excited those are exactly the issues i can forsee especially re passports ,flight tickets etc

i think £50 to prevent a life time of irration even if only minor seems money well spent.

rubybambini Tue 07-Dec-10 16:42:25

What excited says!

DP is known by his second name - personally and professionally.

Endless problems with cheques written out to his first name (more rare now, admittedly), with passports, flight tickets... pretty much anything official, where people don't know / realise his full moniker.

He says he'd never do it to our child =)

rubybambini Tue 07-Dec-10 16:43:00

Doh. Cheques written out to his second name =)

skippingturtle Tue 07-Dec-10 19:20:01

Hello again smiling smile. I changed DD's name formally, rather than have her known by her middle name. I'm known by some people by a variant of my real name, and it's annoying! Exactly as excitedfirsttimer says, it's things like passports, and also references can be a pain.

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