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How to encourage au-pair to stay

(7 Posts)
ojalele Mon 02-Oct-17 08:34:41

Our Spanish au-pair has been with us for 2 weeks. She is lovely and the kids love her.

I found out recently she followed her (recent) girlfriend who is on erasmus 1 hour away.

Yesterday she was very upset as her girlfriend broke up with her. I fer she will want to go home.

Though I understand she is upset, she has also made. Commitment to us (and especially the kids) so I really hope she stays.

So how should I approach this? Softly softly..A little sad

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 02-Oct-17 08:38:06

Treat as you would an older daughter- be kind and understanding and keep your fingers crossed. Not a lot else you can do really.

Gusthetheatrecat Mon 02-Oct-17 11:13:00

Ultimately it is up to her, but there might be some things you can do to encourage her to stay. I always think my happiest au pairs are those who have other stuff to do. Our current au pair has joined a local gym, and signed up for language lessons, and made some local friends, so I am feeling pretty relaxed about her staying! Does she have any interests that you could encourage her to follow? Eg: if you can afford it and are fond of her, you could sign her up to a short local course in drawing or pottery or something.
And be nice to her (not that you wouldn't) and be patient and understanding. Breaking up is horrible, and I'm sure she'll appreciate you being there for her. I used to make my friends a small 'break up kit' with a magazine and chocolate and bubble bath. Perhaps she would appreciate that, depending on what kind of relationship you have.

ojalele Mon 02-Oct-17 21:48:35

Thanks. Some good advice.
We have only known her a few weeks so we're still in the awkward stage. But she really is lovely. I think her parents are encouraging her to stay, so that is good.

I will chat with her soon and suggest she does a class in something she is interested in. And will organise language class.

She has met some fellow au-pairs that she has been in contact with via a facebook group.

Cactusjelly00 Thu 02-Nov-17 07:52:00

Please don't try to be strict.

Remind her to do what's best for her but also say that you're really enjoying having her, kids love her and you'd really really love to have her around. Maybe also suggest contributing to some things she can do? A class, club or hobby, perhaps? Something to take her mind off it rather than bribe her to stay iykwim

Cactusjelly00 Thu 02-Nov-17 07:53:33

Also 2nd the break up kit option. Maybe see if there's a website that ships things from her home country, offer to get her her favourite chocolate or something. If not get to town and buy her some bath bombs a few magazines, maybe a book and some chocolate. Try to be there for her rather than "pull yourself together and work". It'll work a lot better. She may still leave anyway but it's more likely she'll stay if you're kind and considerate to her imo.

AdaHopper Thu 02-Nov-17 23:16:00

Thanks. She decided to go in the end.
Luckily we found a replacement. Not ideal for our DCs but hey ho.
There will be mich more grilling about reasons to come next time.

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