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Birthday clash with AP and DS

(8 Posts)
cromagnon Sun 23-Apr-17 09:46:28

I'm new to MN and this is my first post. I decided to take the plunge as I'm in knots over this issue and have found lots of advice on MN in the past.

We have an au pair. She is the same age as me (which, yes, was a mistake and is very weird!) and for various reasons myself and DH really don't like her. However, the children do and she does a great job and we only have a few months left to go smile

It is my DS's birthday soon and AP's birthday is the same day. We have bought DS a bike which our family have contributed to. It was expensive - about £230 - and we don't usually spend this much but he really needs a bike as he has out-grown his old one.
I don't usually spend more than £30 on an AP's birthday (we've had a number before) although I usually get a box of chocs and some other cheaper bits and bobs so there are always a few things to open. On this occassion though, £30 is going to look measly compared to DS's bike!

As a family, we don't really go all-out on birthdays but the children are allowed to choose a treat. DS wants to go go-karting which he really loves. In previous years, we only pay for the children to participate - if DH and I took part, the costs become ridiculous and DH and I prefer to watch, take pics and cheer from the sidelines. I'd rather the AP didn't join in either - as we are the same age I expect her to stay on the sidelines with the other adults!

My first questions, is am I wrong to worry about the value I'm spending on AP (in comparison to DS's bike)?
Secondly, do you think it's ok to treat DS to his go-karting on the evening of his birthday but only include the children (me, DH and AP will watch).

Afterwards, I thought we'd go for a meal and I'll obviously make two cakes!

Thanks in advance everyone smile

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Sun 23-Apr-17 09:49:37

Give her a £30 present and the day off.

I think you are overthinking this.

Neolara Sun 23-Apr-17 09:50:08

Yes, you are nuts to be worried about the difference in the amount you are planning to spend on your ds and au pair. Of course you will spend much more on your ds than AP.

Why don't you give your AP the night off on her birthday. I'm sure she'd prefer to celebrate with her friends instead of attending your ds's party.

SavoyCabbage Sun 23-Apr-17 09:52:01

I wouldn't expect her to go even if it wasn't her birthday. I know au pairs are a part of the family and all that jazz but three adults do not need to go and watch some children do an activity like that. I'd wan bot watch if they were my own dc but not the children I was looking after.

I'd expect her to want to do her own thing in her birthday and have a cake at home on the day and a meal either at home or out if that's what you want to do on a different day.

cromagnon Sun 23-Apr-17 10:02:20

Thanks! I think you might be right...

cromagnon Sun 23-Apr-17 10:03:28

Sorry, my second message was intended to resond directly to the first poster! blush still trying to find my way around the controls here!

cromagnon Sun 23-Apr-17 10:04:11

Thanks for all the responses - really helpful and much appreciated.
Enjoy the rest of your w/e!

Busybee233 Sat 13-May-17 12:52:40

Offer her the day off or ask if she would like to come with you

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