Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

[Crazycatlady]

Poot!

Just stepping in to mark my place on the shiny new thread, thanks Poot.

Such good news about the scan - another milestone complete. Hope you're feeling ok about it all, I can imagine just how nervous I'll be about seeing those scan images again if I get that far.

I had a truly lovely weekend with DH and DD - Coffee what you say about snatched moments of happiness is so true.

Now sitting at my desk feeling a little green and willing the days to tick by. Just waiting for that first scan date to land on the doorstep now...

Katie, hope you're all settled in the new place?

[Havingkittens]

Ooh, hello new thread. I thought I'd pop in with a 'house warming' bottle of champagne but it seems you lot are all up the duff. I'll have to drink it by myself then.... hic .

May this thread bring more luck and joy to us all in time. x

ps. Lyn, best of luck for tomorrow. I hope, as LittlePoot says, that it's just standard procedure.

[Katerina100]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all the good wishes, our gorgeous little boy is on my lap feeding as I type... We had serious b/feeding problems initially - maybe because of the c-section and because he had to spend his first 4 hours away from me in special care and so we didn't get the famous skin-to-skin immediately - anyway, he wouldn't even go near my boob for several weeks without screaming, so I was expressing everything that he had, which was a real nightmare. But thanks to one especially helpful midwife, everything is now going swimmingly, even if his enthusiastic attempts at latching on can hurt initially...

Which leads me to say a huge congrats to Numpty on Josie's arrival! Sorry, I hadn't read any updates before posting (I still haven't properly), but it's fantastic news. It feels so strange after all these months of worry and despair to finally have them here.

And so Katie is next! Hope your move has gone well.

I still haven't caught up properly on all the newly-pregnant but massive congratulations to you all, and I understand the very mixed emotions that getting that positive result now brings. Someone (maybe Little Poot - hello by the way and so glad to hear of your lovely encouraging weekend!) referred to how I fell pregnant soon after the termination, which is v true. In fact I fell pregnant 2 months after, but miscarried that pregnancy very early at 6 weeks (and from the word go, it didn't feel like it would be successful). But 3.5 weeks after that, I had yet another positive result, and the result is here with me now. I spent most of the first weeks in tears as I just couldn't cope with the uncertainty and felt so emotionally exhausted by everything - a phrase I hadn't understood until then. We had a lot of early scans as they were worried the miscarried pregnancy might have been ectopic, but I really remember scan no. 3 at about 7.5 weeks in, which was my first truly "positive" scan, that didn't result in horrendous news or raise more questions than give answers. I didn't truly start to let myself believe in the pregnancy until after 20 weeks, but I did find it amazing not to be leaving the scanning department in floods of tears for once.

Phew - epic post! My husband has finally gone back to work having taken extended leave after the birth, so it's just the two of us here today. But I can't go without quickly saying that I too am a Victoria line, Streatham Hill girl! Streatham pre-marriage and Victoria line still today - about a mile from where Katie has just moved from. So surely some of our paths must have crossed...

K x

[Havingkittens]

I've not lived down that way since 1992. It was my first house share when I left home. That seems like a lifetime ago!

[Dramamama]

Oooooo look how new and shiney it is! i'll bring some house warming wine and maybe some of that non alcoholic (no fun) wine for those of us who are 'up the duff' lol, well done LP.
Thanks for letting me know it's 11 wks kittens only 7 to go then before i get any sort of indication will prob go loopy before then you may all have to keep me sane! have just pee'd on normal pg test and was BFP too so i definatly have a bun in the oven have called the surgery just waiting for phone call from doc to confirm pregnancy and put me in the book, although i don't really know what will happen in regards to midwife/consultants this time i know that my consultant from when i had Liam said that she would look after me again which i would like as she was so gentle and understanding.
Anyway better get on with the housework i suppose (oh the joy) just worked out i'll be due around the 13th of March..i've always wanted a spring baby XxXxXxXxX

[NumptyMum]

Hello - popping in very briefly as DD is feeding monster today and I've got to go out and get food shopping etc.

I was another person who fell pregnant fairly quickly - 2nd cycle after losing Iola; I had early bleeding which was scary but as you know, all is fine .

Re the feeding, Katie my biggest advice is to go to a breastfeeding support group BEFORE you have the baby if you can, as often the advice you get from midwives while very helpful can vary from one midwife to another, depending on how recent their knowledge is. Getting the 'latch' right is essential, and it IS possible that it may still take a week or so before it actually feels comfortable. My problem was that I fed DS until he was just over 2 but feeding a toddler that knows what he is doing is VERY different to feeding a newborn that has a small mouth and is frantic for milk! Also because I stopped feeding around a year ago, my nipples had softened up - and only the baby being on them toughens them up again... However I think we're getting there, and I know that I managed it last time so I'm being stoic about current discomfort as it really is so much easier once established.

Katie - hope your move goes well tomorrow - and Lyn, your meeting too.

Better go...
xx NM

[GinaFB]

Hello all! Lovely new thread, thanks Poot!

I have taken an extended break from my computer for the last week as I have been dog sitting for my parents poorly dog!

What a lot to catch up on!

Katerina100 congratulations! Wonderful news!

Poot fantastic scan news! Hope that you and Dot are doing well and those vegetables were well and truly looked after at the weekend!!

Numpty its so lovely to hear how well you are doing! big hugs to baby Numpty

DramaMum hope the Dr calls back soon. ITs all the waiting that is difficult I think...

Hope everyone else is doing ok!

I am seeing my midwife for the first time on Wednesday to book in and confirm that FMU will scan and hopefully I will be seeing the same consultant as last time. Currently my main worry is that I will get to the scan and they will say that there is no heartbeat. I am fairly laid back on the possibility of spina bifida reoccuring its everything else that scares me TBH.

[GinaFB]

PS Lyn, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for your meeting too xx

[allstarsprincess]

Hello all, what a lovely new thread for us to continue on with. I was really pleased to see that Littlepoot and Dot started it.

Numpty you are right, feeding a toddler and a newborn are entirely different things. It is great to hear you are sticking with the discomfort though. My biggest tip is to take a deep breath and breath out just as the baby latches. Makes the initial shoulder hunching expectant pain much less!

Lyn Hope it all goes well and you get some answers.

Kittens Thanks for the champagne, can I just sniff the glass? I am really looking forward to pouring myself a glass (just the one!) when baby comes.

Katie How are you? Are you coping with this weather? All ok?

Gina I hope it all goes well on Wednesday. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

Dramamama We will all be here for you in the next few weeks.

Katiecubs Are you in Hove now? Have you met your new midwife etc? I hope it is all ok for you.

As for me. I have 3 weeks to go. I spent most of today at St Georges as I have had some very strong contractions and a tiny bit of bloody discharge. They have said I am contracting but it is not established. Apparently this can go on for a few weeks! I hope not. This is worse than with DD.

I too used to be a Victoria line girl. Strange how we have all been so close but not aware of each other. No more commuting for me now though.

Anyway, I am off to take some more paracetamol and have another bath. Lets hope these daft pains either get going or stop as I do not have the strength to carry on with them at an in-between stage!

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Hello ladies,

I hereby declare, at the beginning of the new thread, that I am changing my name from Coffeeandchocolate to Cheeseandpickles. I have a very sweet tooth, but not in pregnancy it seems, when all I am craving are savoury things.

Allstars, I am a St George's girl myself. I'll go back there for my scans in this pregnancy. That is, if I make it this far. I am not pessimistic, rather cautious. Anyway, not long to go for you now, fingers crossed the bath and paracetamol work.

Crazycat, I hope not that your nausea becomes more bearable soon. It seems to be starting for me, just a couple of times a day at the moment but if my first pregnancy is anything to go by, in a few days it will start properly. The more the days pass and I start having symptoms, the more anxious I become, and the more I miss my baby girl. She should have been here with us now.

Gina, good luck for tomorrow. The worry about the scans is unavoidable, I just hope you find something to distract you. I am going to see my GP on Thursday, still not convinced it's not too early. I just hope they won't give me another Emma's diary!!!

Katerina, we haven't "met", but congratulations!

And Lyn, I hope tomorrow doesn't bring bad news, let us know how you are.

Sorry if I forgot someone. Oh, of course, Little Poot, thank you for the new thread

[Coffeeandchocolate]

And Katie, hope the move goes well. xx

[LittlePoot]

Evening all. Oh kittens - I'm yearning for that champagne! I even had a mouthful the other day but frankly it tasted like fizzy salad dressing, so no use to me at all. Kittens - I just came back from seeing Shrek at the cinema and the alternative 'Puss in Boots' made me think of your voluptuous cat and giggle. Worth watching just for that I reckon.

Lovely to hear how well you're doing Katerina. You're a real story of 'hope' for me, as we originally went through the same thing at a fairly similar time (when I was a mere lurker on the thread).

Drama - step away from the pregnancy tests!! Like I'm one to talk - I think I peed on about 6 this time round.... It'll drive you mad - don't do it. Drama and Gina - I've had to be slightly pushy at my hospital to get the same consultant I had first time round so don't be afraid to ask if it doesn't seem to be offered straight away.

Allstars - seems to be getting exciting! Hope as you say that things either get going or settle down again for you - you must be exhausted. We're all dusting down the pompoms ready for another session so we're here whenever you give us the call....

Lyn - good luck tomorrow. It really could just be efficient service and nothing to worry about. Try and have a think if you can about questions you want to ask (I wrote them down...) because you might find it a little bit overwhelming at the hospital. You can always call them back if you don't ask everything you need to, but it might help to go prepared.

Coffee/cheese and crazycat and all you other early birds - its such a difficult time with all the waiting and not knowing. All I'm managing to do is concentrate on each day at a time, leaning on you all here on the way. I've now booked in for a nuchal in 2 1/2 weeks and provisionally for a CVS in 3. Don't know what result on a nuchal would stop me going through with the CVS yet, but I can think about that later. One day at a time ladies - that's all we can do.

Sorry - mammoth post! Just wanted to say hello to you all. Will end with a big kiss for Numpty and baby Numpty and wishing you all a good night's sleep. xxxx

[LittlePoot]

And Katie - looking forward to hearing tales from Hove after the move! Go and enjoy that beach! xxx

[Dramamama]

Hello all, just a quick update from me: Doc rang me back not my usual doc but she was very nice , she has told me that she thinks i should just carry on like a normal pg for now booking in with the midwife etc..(waiting for her to call now) have my bloods and my scan done and see what happens there she actually said she doesn't think i'll have any problems this time round which actually annoyed me a bit because you never foresee these things everyone assumed i was too young to have a baby with T21 last time but it still happened.
I'm not testing anymore Gina i promise i only did one yesterday because i had one floating about and just wanted to back up the 1st response...oh and DP wasn't entirely convinced by 1st response but he can't deny it now lol he's convinced he has 'super sperm' because like with Liam this is the first time we've tryed properly and bingo! i'm amazed he can fit his head through the front door! anyway i'm off to do the shopping but before i go a quick hello and good luck to Allstar it seems things are happening with you so i shall soon unpack my shiney new pom poms for you and Katie (btw Katie i think your very brave moving at this stage) love to all Drama XxXxXxXxX

[katiecubs]

Hi All - lovely into to the new thread LP, can't believe we are onto number 2 already!

Am just quickly checking in while the removal men are packing up my flat eek. Drama when you say i am 'brave' what you should have said is 'stupid' - honestly i really don't recommend moving so late on in pregnancy!

I would like to say i am well but i am very stressed, very hot, aching all over (i have SPD and a bad back which makes it very hard to sleep) plus a urine infection. Sorry moan moan moan, the most important thing of course is that the baby is well which it is

Anyway i must dash but i hope all is well with everyone. I probably won't be around for a couple of weeks now while i wait for the broadband to get connected but i will be back as soon as i can.

Allstars i hope the contractions either die down or kick off - which ever is preferable! I may miss your birth announcement but good luck with everything in the mean time.

Katie xxx

p.s Lyn i hope your appointment went ok x

[LYN1982]

Hi all, Hope everyone is okay and welcome new thread. Kittens, I shall share that champagne with you.

Katerina - A huge congratulations on your new arrival (sorry I must have missed your last post).

I am just back from my meeting with consultant and we have been referred to a genetic specialist although have been informed that the abnormalities were due to hypochondrogenesis - a rare condition with a very low chance of reoccurence. I also found out that our baby was a boy and have named him Patrick. A very emotional day but as always the support on this thread and the stories from others gives us hope for the future. I don't know where I would be at times without my tea, kitkat and mumsnetters.

Hope you are all well and Allstars - I'm all ready to start shaking pom poms again (my arms have just recovered) Good luck and keep us posted xxx

[Crazycatlady]

Hi everyone

Lyn, I can only imagine the emotion of today. Finding out the gender and being able to give your baby a name will bring out all sorts of emotions. I hope you found it settling in some way, to be able to do that.

I don't know anything about hypochondrogenesis but it sounds reassuring that it is a rare condition. Did the consultant give you any thoughts on trying for another?

Katie sorry to hear about the urine infection, hope you're not feeling too awful with it.

Allstars, sounds like the start of something?

Poot, Coffee - hope you're both doing ok. I'm still feeling very sick in the afternoons, and unable to sleep at night. The days (and nights) are dragging relentlessly. How can I be only 7 weeks still? The next 5 are going to be interminable...

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Lyn, you must be so relieved. Although immensely sad, I hope that finding out the gender and naming your little boy will help you find a bit more peace. Also, it must be so reassuring, after expecting the worst, to find out that the condition is rare and with very low chances of recurrence.

Katie, you are not stupid Just think how much you will enjoy your new place, and how lovely it will be to bring your baby home in your charming garden apartment. Boo to the back ache, SPD and infection though...Of course the most important thing is that the little one is healthy, but it's good (and reasonable!) to moan every now and then.

Crazycat, I am ok, starting to feel a bit nauseous and tired, and also having terrible hunger pangs. Plus I could cry all the time, I feel overwhelmed. Today I lost my train ticket (an expensive monthly one) for the second time in 2 months and I was on the verge of bursting into tears in the street. I am still a bit in denial though, although these early symptoms make it all a bit more real. There will be no reassurance for me until the anomaly scan, and I am starting to realise that, if I don't lose this baby early, I will get a bump again, and see him/her on the scan, and then maybe have to go through it all over again.

I am actually in a bit of a dilemma right now, I was planning to go for an early scan next Saturday, when I would be 7 and a half weeks. But now I'm not so sure anymore. The main reason was to date this pregnancy, but I started to fear they will tell me the baby is not developing properly, or there is no heartbeat. We are going on holiday the week after the scan and part of me thinks I'd rather not find out if something is wrong. If something is definitely wrong that I could deal with it, it's uncertainty I fear most, something along the lines of "we can't be sure now, come back in 2 weeks".

Anyway, I guess there's no point thinking about it now, I'll see how I feel next week. I think I'm just going to shamelessly lie down on the sofa now.

PS: Cantdo and Mishta, how are the little ones? Mishta, I've been meaning to tell you for ages, I've watched Bella dancing in the video on your blog, she's gorgeous!

[Coffeeandchocolate]

I forgot to ask: Gina,did your appointment go well today? Will you see the same consultant?

[Coffeeandchocolate]

[MimsyStarr]

Hello, just found the new thread! Can't post much at the moment but just wanted to say Hi. I've got a scan booked next Tuesday when I should be 7 wks - viability scan, I guess you'd call it. So fingers crossed.

Lyn, I am glad you got some answers today, and you were able to name your boy. Patrick is a lovely name. I hope all the bleeding has stopped and you can get pregnant again soon. x

[GinaFB]

Coffee loving the baby brain!!

Will check in with everyone tomorrow! Love to all xxx

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind a self-indulgent post this morning? I just need to offload a bit, I just feel overwhelmed.

Nothing special happened, but it just hit me all of a sudden, how much I want a baby, how much I miss Silvia, and how hopeful I actually am, despite not looking too far ahead. I so want this to work, I wish I could word it better, but no, it's just an overwhelming longing. I am getting so emotional even writing this, I was telling dh yesterday that I am trying so hard not to get attached to this baby (it sounds awful, doesn't it?)but I would still be devastated if I lost him/her too. And it all comes back, it all seemed to go so well first time, and then it went pear-shaped when we weren't expecting anything wrong to happen.

I sometimes stupidly imagine that, by knowing what can go wrong, I would avoid it, as it the knowledge protected me in some way. It's not true, of course.

I have to stop as I am really crying now. Don't mind me, it's hormones.

[LittlePoot]

Oh my goodness Coffee - I'm so with you on that. I've been so careful with this pregnancy not to think beyond the next milestone or plan ahead, but somehow my subconscious in the background has the whole thing mapped out. And every now and then, my mind wanders towards a picture of how things might be. And I want it. Badly. I want to go on maternity leave at Christmas. I want to be thinking about baby names and clothing. I want to be deciding whether to breast feed and if so, for how long. I want to decorate a nursery. I want to book ante-natal classes and pregnancy pilates. I want all that stuff that every 'normal' person allows themselves to dream of when they get pregnant with their 'normal' pregnancy. To me, that's the cruellest scar this whole thing leaves behind. The grief is awful, but somehow you gradually move on from people dying, whoever they were. Not forgotten, but somehow accepted, eventually. But on top of that, our pregnancy is now scarred with the whole memory of the process, and we're all terrified of getting attached in case the same thing happens again.

Sweetie - I'm with you. Part of me, again in the background, is sure that things must be ok this time and busy making plans. And my rational brain is fighting it and trying to protect myself in case it all comes crashing down. Not that it'll be any easier to cope with if I've prepared myself for the worst though - as well as what you say about knowing not being protective. But I don't want more images to be haunted by if I don't get to finally have a baby out of this.

I haven't got any advice, I just wondered if it might be helpful to let you know that I'm feeling exactly the same. And it makes me really angry (whereas it hits you more with sadness - possibly because your loss was so much more recent). The only thing I can do is do my best to ignore it. But then I woke up this morning after dreaming about my new baby. One day at a time - its all we can do. Take care sweetie. xxx

[GinaFB]

Hello lovely ladies, how are you all today?

katiecubs I know you won't see this for a while but I hope the move went well and you are enjoying the sunshine on the coast!!

Coffee Don't apologise for a post that is full of perfectly normal/natural reactions to everything that you have been through! Poot is spot on, we all want to be thinking about names, maternity leave, nursery etc etc with the only thing to decide is if we are going to find out the sex of our babay or not. The "enjoyment" of pregnancy has been taken away. I think that 20 weeks is a marker for me. Up until then I don't think I will relax, I need to have the opposite experience with someone telling me that "everythig is fine".......

I went to my first midwife appt today. She was lovely and very different to my last MW although from the same unit. She basically said that I will see the same consultant as last time and felt that it would be the best route anyway. She also told me that I can call her anytime and book into see her as many times as I like during the pregnancy if I feel I need to. I was impressed as she said she would text me to reassure me when she got the blood and urine results for peace of mind. Last time the MW said I'd have to wait until the 16wk appt!

FMU will do the 20 week scan but it will be at 20 weeks not 18 as previously discussed. I am not that worried as I suspect that they will be able to see more with the extra 2 weeks growth. But best of all she found bean's heartbeat with the doppler.... The surge of relief I can't even describe it.... It all feels much more real now.