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Antenatal tests

Feel so unhappy re abortion

34 replies

itshitme · 30/08/2009 00:26

Got back from a few days away to find that my appointment for a termination has come through for Tues, I've been trying to put it to the back of my mind whilst I've bben away, but now, I feel so sick and panicky, I need to get some sleep, but don't want to go upstairs where dp is.

How can I get through this?

OP posts:

Report

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2009 00:33

Is this something YOU want to do or is it something you feel pressured into??

itshitme · 30/08/2009 00:35

not pressured. My choice for lots of reasons, just feel very low about having to go through with it. Of course I know I don't have to, but the decision was made with lots of factors taken into consideration.

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itshitme · 30/08/2009 00:36

I also feel like I really need to cry, but can't seem to show any emotion, its like its stuck inside me iyswim

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jabberwocky · 30/08/2009 01:41

I'm so sorry. I've had an abortion and it's just a very emotional time, I know. There's a support thread here that may be helpful to you.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 30/08/2009 01:47

If you don't want to do this then don't. It's not something you can put back once it's done. Money's always going to be a factor, it doesn't matter how much you have. You have to do what's right for you though, you are going to be the one carrying the baby, giving birth to it and caring for it. What do you want, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2009 09:09

Agree with Fluffy, you don't have to do this. Money will always be a factor! If it is money that is, or sleeping arrangments...well that can be solved as well.....pretty much every difficult factor can be dealt with.....

You have to think what you really want.

Good Luck

twopeople · 30/08/2009 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

itshitme · 30/08/2009 12:16

Thanks for the replies, its not money really, its other things like I don't live with DP yet, I have my education that I want to finish that has already been put on hold for a couple of years after having dc2, I don't feel ready to have another one yet and especially don't feel like I am ready for my body mto go through pregnancy yet-lots of reasons, I can think of no reason to carry on with the pg.

I have been able to hold it in for the last few days that I have known, it just seems to have hit me now.

I have just read the letter properly and it is actually for Tue the 8th, so even more time to wait. In a way, I just want to get it other with and then I can start recovering.

OP posts:

itshitme · 30/08/2009 22:18

any tips for coping would be welcome.

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thisisyesterday · 30/08/2009 22:24

is it on the nhs? could you afford to go privately and get it done quicker?
i have had a termination and went to a bpas clinic and they were really, really good there.

it's an awful decision to have to make and you have my utmost sympathies, i am afraid i don't have any tips on coping

Dalrymps · 30/08/2009 22:27

Oh itshitme, I might be wrong but if you are who I think you are then ((hugs)). If you're not then ((hugs)) anyway, this can't be a easy time at all.

This is a big thing and it has happened in a short space of time. You have lots of emotions to deal with and there is no 'right' way to react/behave. In some ways, maybe it's good that it's not till the 8th as you'll be super sure when you go rather than feeling all rushed... Maybe not, just trying to see the positives (if there are any when you have to deal with this)

Gosh, it's a lot to get your head round I know. Don't have any 'coping strategies' I can recommend but keep talking...

Sure someone more helpful will be along soon.

itshitme · 30/08/2009 22:30

Thisisyesterday-yes it is, and I thought I'd be able to take the pill and it would be easier than having surgery, but I will be going on for 7 weeks by the 8th and I'm not sure of the cut off point, I thought it'd be quicker than this. I think privately it starts at £800 and I can't afford that.

Dal-thanks, I'm already wavering on my decision but I think thats because I'm scared of going through with it, and I still believe its the right decision, just want to get it over with.

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Dalrymps · 30/08/2009 22:37

It's good in a way you know it's the right thing to do. Of course it's still scary even if you know that though... Is there any kind of counselling you can get before hand to help you cope with the general process? Are there any helplines out there for this?

Anyone know?

Wish I could be of more help...

itshitme · 30/08/2009 22:38

I'm not sure Dal, will try and look into it tomorrow.
Thanks, I'm going to go to bed now

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thisisyesterday · 30/08/2009 22:38

ditto the counselling, if NHS are no help then i am pretty sure that bpas offer counselling for free, maybe phone them and ask?
i had mine done free by them on referral from my GP, i wonder if you could ask them about that?
i know what you mean about wantingt o get it over and done with

Dalrymps · 30/08/2009 22:41

OK, sweet dreams x

itshitme · 30/08/2009 22:43

What are Bypas TIY?
Will have a look tomorrow, I think I will end up quite ill if I have to wait for over a week, am also going to ring doc surgery on Tue to see if anythnig can be done to bring it forward.

Also, the letter says to attend for 2-3 hours then I will be informed when I need to return for the proceedure, so it could be even longer

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thisisyesterday · 30/08/2009 22:55

bpas

HelenHighwater · 30/08/2009 22:58

I've had a bit too much wine today tonight to reply coherently but what I will say is think very, very carefully if you are feeling low about it now.

I went through an abortion when dp and I had had just got together. We weren't living with each other and there were so many reasons I felt were against us having that child but honestly in my heart of hearts I didn't want to go through with it and felt a bit pressured which led to a lot of guilt and blame being thrown about.

9 years on dp and I are still together, although it's been a hard slog at times especially in the early years after the termination.

I don't think there's any real ways of coping. What I would advise is arranging counselling before it and as soon as you can after. It's a huge emotional wrench, especially as your hormones are all over the place. I couldn't take the pill myself (medical reasons) but went the surgical route which I had to wait until I was 12 weeks for. It was £200 then but that's going back 9 years.

It's still such a painful memory for me but counselling has definately helped me put it in the past where it belongs and eventually start the healing process.

All the best whatever you decide.

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/08/2009 02:20

Itshitme If you are who you think I am then you know where i am if you want to talk. I went through a similar thing in 2001, which is why I said do what is best for you and asked whether there was any pressure. I allowed myself to be pressured and every year I think how old my dc would be he/she would be 8 now. I had nobody to talk to and to this day only 4 people know...well until now.

Dalrymps · 31/08/2009 11:12

How are you feeling today itshitme?

blissa · 31/08/2009 19:51

Hope you're ok today Itshitme. I had a termination 6 weeks ago, I was just under 7 weeks. It's something I had never considered before but it was the right thing for us due to my health. We already have 3 children and up until I was ill just before christmas had always wanted 4.

It's a tough decision and one you need to be absolutuely 100% sure of. Even though I know it was the best decision I have felt incredibly guilty.

I was referred to bpas by my gp and the procedure was paid for by the nhs. If I remember correctly you can still take the pills at 7 weeks. It wasn't an option for me due to my medical history and so I had to have the surgical abortion. The bpas website that thisisyesterday has linked to is very helpful as it details all the options and talks through what will happen.

Good luck in whatever you decide, take care x

itshitme · 31/08/2009 20:21

thank you everyone, had an okay day, been busy though. Have tried ringing Bypas but no anser so far so shall try and call again tomorrow or the GP surgery and try and get an earlier appointment.

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Dalrymps · 31/08/2009 21:15

Glad you've had an ok day... Yeah, keep trying bpas.

How are you feeling generally? Have you had a look on that support thread for people who have been through the same?

ItsHitMe · 01/09/2009 11:49

Well I rung Bypas, they're nearest clinic is an hour away from me and the earliest appointment is Thurs, also they said my National Helath Trust prefer to keep people from this area with the NHS so I'd have to go through my GP again, and they may not even agree to it, so I've decided to just stay with the one I've got, also tried moving it forward with the GP practice but that is the earliest they could offer me.

So I suppose I'll just have to wait, at least my eldest will be back at school, so hopefully will get away with any questions.

Dal-I haven't looked at that support thread yet-I feel a bit guilty as I'm doing it through choice, and some ladies don't have the choice iyswim.

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