Fetus enlarged bladder -scared

(11 Posts)
Mypip1 Sat 10-Apr-21 19:52:11

Hi ive had a 12 week scan and been told my baby has a large bladder, returned this week (now 16 weeks) and I've been told that my baby is unlikely to survive and it could die anytime. Im terrified just waiting around to miscarry. Its my first pregnancy and I've no idea what to expect or when it will happen, I've decided not to terminate as I am a Catholic. Any advice on what to expect when it happens would be really appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
summerisler Sat 10-Apr-21 20:06:50

I’m so sorry - what an awful thing to happen. Is your partner at home with you? I don’t have personal experience of this but I’m sure someone will be along with more information. 💐

Mypip1 Sat 10-Apr-21 20:54:58

Thanks, yes my husband is with me. Its quite rare apparently so I can't find much online about other people's experiences of it but hoping someone will be able to shed a little light on the actual miscarriage process sad

OP’s posts: |
ProbablyGryffindor Sat 10-Apr-21 21:11:34

I’m so sorry OP, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I have no experience, but hoping my message bumps your thread. Best wishes to you, your husband and baby.

winterchills Sat 10-Apr-21 21:15:02

That's so awful I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love x

ColourfulElmerElephant Sat 10-Apr-21 21:19:41

Have you not been referred to the foetal medicine department? You should have the opportunity to ask a number of questions there.

A late miscarriage is something you should be in hospital for. Have you been allocated a bereavement midwife to talk things through with?

HotSteppa Sat 10-Apr-21 21:25:44

I'm so sorry. So sad and must be really frightening just to be sent home. I had a similar experience in that I was told at 12 weeks there was a problem and at 16 weeks we were told baby wouldn't survive. I was give the option to go home and wait or to be "medically managed" ie a termination. I took the second option as the first seemed like torture.
I will say how this went for me so this may be upsetting or triggering for people

It was a truly horrible time. The termination itself was very sad for me but physically manageable. If a bit of a shock, I had tablets and pessary so had the experience of waters breaking and the babies (it was a twin pregnancy) passing from my vagina. I asked to see them after and they let me. I feel I kind of slept walked through it and it did take time to recover emotionally but time does heal. Physically everything settled down pretty quickly.

Again I'm so sorry, please go back to your care provider and ask for more help and advice if you need it. Sounds like you have been left in limbo. Use your real life support network and just take time for you.

HotSteppa Sat 10-Apr-21 21:38:46

I'm so sorry just re read and see that termination isn't a choice you wanted to make. I think it was the uncertainty of waiting and not knowing how far the pregnancy might progress that pushed me towards my choice (though ethically I don't have an issue with abortion either) I hope someone can support you here but it sounds like , as a previous poster said you are going to need the help of specialist midwives so you can have a plan of what will happen. Again so sorry you and your family are going through this , its a horrible shock and a loss for all of you

Mypip1 Sat 10-Apr-21 21:44:31

Yes I have been referred I've an appointment on Thursday but have been told basically that there is not much they can do. I'm having a detailed scan then but not expecting anything to change (not being negative, just realistic) @HotSteppa it really is torture at the minute. Your experience sounds so sad, im awfully sorry you had to go through that. Was it like giving birth to a full term baby or was it quicker? I'm dreading being on a maternity ward with other mothers having lovely healthy babies and I have to go through it all but have nothing.

OP’s posts: |
ColourfulElmerElephant Sat 10-Apr-21 21:50:09

In my experience you will likely be in a bereavement suit, so away from others labouring and their newborn babies. Depending upon your wishes and the gestation it happens, you might be offered a cold cot and the opportunity to take hand/foot prints and photographs as well as anything else you want to keep (eg a lock of hair etc).

Your body doesn’t know the size of your baby so it can be a prolonged labour. However, under the circumstances you should be offered much stronger drugs to help you labour than you would normally be permitted to have. Be aware that it could last for several days and you might be similar afterwards in many ways as if you had delivered at a much later gestation eg producing milk (you can have medicine to stop this) etc.

HotSteppa Sat 10-Apr-21 22:19:18

It was my first pregnancy too so had no idea what to expect. After the pessary it was maybe 12-14 hours before water's broke after that it happened quite quickly, I didn't have contractions that I remember and I don't remember it being painful, I did have to push to move them out, which I found really upsetting as it was close to what I knew about birth. I was on a gyne ward I think, not a labour ward, I was in a side room and there weren't people with their babies around, I don't think there were heavily pregnant women around. My babies were very little at 16 weeks though. It sounds like if pregnancy progressed much further then it would be different and more like what Elmer described, this was part of my decision making to be honest. I couldnt deal with the thought of getting a proper bump , feeling them move, explaining to everyone, I felt alot of ridiculously misplaced shame and embressment that the pregnancy wasn't a viable one. Be prepared for your brain to pull absorts of weird tricks on you. My partner handled it totally differently too which was hard, I was still processing it a year later where as he was "its sad but its done, we need to move on" ie I don't want to talk about it. It was a funny one because the pregnancy hadn't been planned but when we found out we were both delighted and so excited and then boom. So this thing you never knew you wanted once it was taken away was still such a loss. I have had children since with the same partner (the twin pregnancy was about than 12 years ago) having my son and daughter was a totally different experience. For loads of reasons, full term delivery so bigger babys , alot more pain but its exciting and it's getting you to your baby so it has a point and that makes it all managble and gets you through the scary bits.

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