Medical termination at 15 weeks

[SailingOn]

Just wondering if anyone had been through this and could offer advice. I'm 14+5 weeks today and my baby has abnormalities that will seriously affect his/her quality of life and so we made the decision to terminate. I took the first tablet today and going back to the hospital on Friday to continue the process.
I'm absolutely terrified and have no idea what to expect. I'm also concerned about where it happens, will I be in a room with other women? Thanks in advance

[lordVoldemort]

I am in the same position, going in tomorrow and dreading it

[SpongeBobGrannyPants]

I'm so sorry

Have they said you will deliver the baby vaginally?

I had a late (missed) miscarriage at 20 weeks but believe the process may be similar. I took a pill and was induced 2 days later. I can give more info on what happens at delivery if you like, assuming that's what you're doing.

[SailingOn]

lordV Sorry to hear we're in the same crappy boat, I hope it goes as well as it possibly can for you. I wish I had asked more questions at the time about what happens etc, instead I'm going in blind and worried

[SailingOn]

SpongeBob Thank you, yes I will be having a medical and so delivering vaginally, I wanted a surgical but earliest date they offered was 24th of June. I couldn't have carried on until then.

[MadameJosephine]

I’m so sorry for your loss OP

You shouldn’t be with other women when you deliver your baby though. In our trust you would be cared for 1 to 1 by a midwife on delivery suite but that could depend on the trust policy

I’m sure they wouldnt mind you calling and asking your questions before you go back in though

[SpongeBobGrannyPants]

There are lots of variables of course, but in my experience I delivered within 2 hours of getting the pessary. It could take longer and they'll explain what would happen in that case (further pessaries etc.).

I was in a private room in the bereavement suite at my local maternity hospital.

You'll have contractions and be offered pain relief (take whatever you need, there's no shame). I didn't find labour as difficult or painful as full term deliveries, but it will still be painful.

9 times out of 10, delivery at this stage is on the toilet. This took me by surprise when they told me that and I found it a little upsetting (sorry if this does for you too). They'll give you toilet seat covers/bed pan type things to use on the loo so that your baby can be taken away in as dignified manner as possible. The placenta came away shortly after. Again, lots of variables here but you should have good care in checking everything happens as it should physically.

Emotionally, it's an ordeal. Will you have someone with you?

I don't know if it's an option, but you may get to see the baby too (I didn't initially after delivery as I was scared to look, but I did go and see him in the baby room they have and I spent some time with him to say goodbye). Have a think about what you'd like to do with your baby in terms of burial/cremation. They should discuss all the options with you (you can choose to do nothing and leave them with the hospital if you wish too). You can also think about whether you want to name them.

[SpongeBobGrannyPants]

Agree with PP that they'd happily speak to you beforehand if you call.

I'm happy to answer any questions too if I can be of any more help.

[BeccaAnnJones]

Hi there,

I’m going through this tomorrow for a second time- both times, abnormalities were found at 20 week scan.

You’ll have your own room with your own tv, shower and toilet- so you don’t need to leave to see anyone. You will be in your own bubble.

You’ll be given vaginal tablets to kick off labour. You’ll be given the tablet every 3-4 hours if nothing starts moving. In November, when I went through this previously, from the first tablet being inserted to giving birth (on the toilet) it was 15 hours. In that time, I had lots of pain relief, including a pethidine injection which helped me get an hour or so of sleep. The contractions didn’t really start until 2 hours or so before giving birth.

Make sure you have someone with you to hand hold throughout ❤️
The midwives will do anything you want too, don’t be afraid to ask for anything i.e water, a fan to keep cool etc.

Once the baby’s been delivered, the midwives will place him/her in an incubator/ bed for you to see, if you so wished- absolutely no pressure at all to do this, you do what’s right for you.

We’re taking a blanket with us tomorrow to give our baby boy.

I’m terrified, heartbroken and devastated; there’s no denying how emotionally painful this is and I’m sending you all my love and support. I take comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one to have gone through this ❤️

I hope this helps and please ask any other questions about it, I’ll be happy to answer, anytime.

Bec

[SailingOn]

Becca thank you so much for your reply, I hope everything goes as well as it can for you today.
I was told I'll be on the inpatients gynaecology ward so I assume I'll be with nurses and not midwives, which is a shame.

Having mild cramping, barely noticeable but noticeable if that makes sense. Just want to get it over with.

[PeoniesandPretties]

Such sad stories ladies, thinking of you all. I had a medical but earlier than you so my experience would be totally different

[SpongeBobGrannyPants]

Been thinking of you all today

[weasledee]

Hi, I've been through this at exactly the same number of weeks as you OP

It's was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I too was in a gynae Ward, the nurses were amazing. I was offered whatever drugs I wanted. First tablet at 10am and all over by 5;30pm. When I think back to it now it all seems like a bit of a rollercoaster time in my life, but you do get over it, it just takes time....
Wishing u all the best x

[BeccaAnnJones]

@sailingon I hope everything goes ok for you today ❤️

I delivered baby Dewi at 5.05pm yesterday, again on the toilet (sorry if graphic). It seemed to be the only place I was comfortable when the contractions started my body preferred to be sitting upright and gravity helped too.

You will find strength today, strength you didn’t even know you had and the relief afterwards is indescribable after going through such an emotionally horrific ordeal. Rest up and take care of yourself afterwards, put yourself first ❤️

All my love xxx

[SailingOn]

Thank you everybody, it means so much

I am currently on a ward, I arrived at 8am, I had the cervical rods put in at 9am (not fun at all but manageable) they are leaving them in until 1pm, and I'll then have the tablets inserted when they remove the rods.

The nurses have all been so lovely, it has made the whole experience more comfortable. I was in a room by myself but they had to move me, now in a shared room but separated and that lady is going home before I have first set of tablets so I should have privacy.

I will update later just on case anybody reading this is going to go through the same thing.

Thank you again all x

[SailingOn]

Becca and Weas thankyou for sharing your experiences, it has helped no end

[BeccaAnnJones]

Really hope you’re doing ok, thinking of you. Xxx

[SailingOn]

Thanks Becca ...I delivered baby about 15 minutes ago on my own in the toilet. It was very peaceful and painless, I passed everything altogether and so cramps have stopped and bleeding is minimal now.

I'm very pleased with how it all went, I thought I'd be terrified but something switched in me and took over. I delieverd baby but placenta and cord were still attached so had to push for a while to get the placenta out. But as I said it was painless and I couldn't ask for it to have gone any better in the given circumstances.

I'll be allowed to go home in a few hours if all remains ok.

Thanks again everyone for your support it is so appreciated

[SailingOn]

Just to add to my last post for anyone about to experience this, my cramp pain level never went above a 5, I did have some codeine but that was after most of the pain had already passed. The delivery itself was not painful, but it did feel odd and unpleasant feeling the preganacy come out, but that was more a mental thing than anything else.

The worst experience was having the rods in and out. I won't lie, that was not nice but I think I suffered more because they said my cervix was hard to reach so they kept having to go in and out with the speculum and one of the rods were stuck.

My waters broke about 30 minutes after the tablets were inserted. I felt a 'pop' towards my lower back. There was more water than I anticipated.

Nurses were all lovely, everyone I encountered was lovely and I was given a hug by my main nurse carer afterwards.

Overall it was nowhere near as bad as I expected and anyone who is about my advice would be not to panic, and not to read too many horror stories online. Deep breathing helped throughout the process and don't be afraid to call the nurses when you need them x

[BeccaAnnJones]

I’m so so relieved that you didn’t go theough much pain. I totally agree about the delivery, that part is pain free but it’s so strange knowing you’re passing the baby and emotionally strange. It’s all just so horrific but there’s a really weird relief when you deliver the baby and the pain and worry of delivery lifts.

Here if you ever want to talk about the grieving process and any feelings you may have ❤️ . I’ve been in touch with ARC and they’ve sent me personalised log ins to their private forums about parents who have suffered losses and medical terminations like us. I didn’t do this after my first termination in November but I wish I did, they’re so lovely and reading other people’s experiences helps. Totally up to you but if you wanted more support at any point- they’re brilliant

Sending you lots of love xxxx

[SailingOn]

Becca thank you for all the wonderful info and support, I shall definitely seek out ARC, it sounds like something I'll need once everything is settled.

You're right there was such an immense relief when it was over, I feel guilty about that but I think it's the stress build up, waiting and worry that is suddenly gone and it feels amazing.

My HG has worn off dramatically this afternoon too, I've kept all my meds down and the thought of food is actually starting to sound appealing rather than utterly disgusting.

Still waiting to go home because staff are behind but definitely feel well enough to get back to doing life. I've been stuck in a hell bubble of HG for 10 weeks so looking forward to getting healthy again.

[BeccaAnnJones]

I’m so glad that your appetite is coming back- that’s something to really look forward to. Buy yourself a good cookbook and get excited about food again!

Take time to relax when you get home- watch films and just give yourself time to chill! ❤️Xxxx

[SailingOn]

Becca I hope you're doing well and recovering fast. I really appreciate all the wonderful advice and support you gave even though you yourself were going through it too. Thank you

I am feeling very well now, had lots of sleep, the sickness has vanished and because of that I feel like a brand new person. It's quite incredible how pregnancy can affect your entire being and state. We are going to book a holiday and get away for a week to recharge and relax. I had honestly forgotten what life was like when you're not sick 24/7 so still getting used to being me again.

Thank you everyone x

[BeccaAnnJones]

❤️❤️❤️