At our 12 week scan last Thursday they found that the baby's lower arm (radius and ulna) hadn't developed properly. The upper arm is fine but there is basically no lower arm and the hand is only half-developed.
We saw a second consultant at a private clinic today and he confirmed the abnormality, and said that it definitely wouldn't repair itself. He said the baby probably wouldn't have a functioning limb below the elbow, so the hand wouldn't work much or at all. They don't think it's genetic, just bad luck.
We really don't know what to do.
We got pregnant really easily this time and my husband thinks we should terminate and we will probably be able to get pregnant again and hopefully have a healthy baby next time. He is very active and sporty and he would find it hard to have a child with a disability.
It's obviously not what I want either but i feel really guilty thinking about a termination - i keep thinking that it's only an arm, everything else looks normal, and that it could probably have a happy life, it would just be harder on us. I actually hoped they would find a chromosomal abnormality too as then it would make the decision easier to terminate but it really does seem like it's only the arm (although we can't be sure).
We've had four scans now and each time i see the baby moving around it gets harder. Probably the pregnancy hormones aren't helping. But I don't want to force a disabled child on my husband unless he was fully committed to it - I know it's going to be hard, and he would be supportive but it doesn't seem fair to him. And it's not like I'm sure I want to go ahead anyway, i just really don't see how it's possible to make a decision about something like this.
I'm booked into a termination on Tuesday because I thought that if we're going to terminate i want to do it soon as it will just be harder the longer it's inside me.
The consultant today said about half of parents keep the baby when this is found and half terminate. He probably just made that up so we would feel okay but whatever we decide. On google all i can find are stories of people talking about how much they love their children with disabilities - there are no stories of people saying they made the right decision terminating.
Has anyone else had to decide something like this? Sorry for the long post. But I don't want to tell friends because i'm worried about being judged or people asking me about it later when i might not want to talk about it, so I'd really appreciate some advice. I just feel like a really bad person to be considering a termination.
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Antenatal tests
Limb abnormality - don't know whether to terminate
101 replies
InLondonStill · 20/05/2015 21:35
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