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Antenatal tests

I want to cry... (termination related)

19 replies

LorenaCompton · 25/06/2014 16:20

Nc for this. Basically, I fell pg with DC1 by accident, very happy as it wasn't long before we were thinking about trying anyway. Had a hideous pg and was very ill so I'm not ready to do it again for another few years (for other reasons too).

We use a mix of condoms, diaphragms and withdrawal (very early, as in we normally move on to 'other things' well before DH is ready) as I'm not suitable for any hormonal contraception.

I fell pg last year by accident, as it turns out I'm most fertile in the first few days after my period, which was a complete surprise as I just believed I would be fertile during the normal windows everyone talks about. Had a termination, which we are all fine with - not an easy decision, obviously, but definitely right for us.

Last week we were having sex and I didn't put the diaphragm in as it as all a bit sudden, when DH withdrew very last minute, everything just took him by surprise (to be tmi, as I'm under a random username, he was trying to be nice to me and carry on with what I was enjoying Blush). He really didn't think he had pulled out too late - but it was two/three days after my period had ended. We debated getting the morning after pill but I stupidly, stupidly didn't think I needed to.

Cut to a week later and things are smelling strange to me (one of the things that I noticed particular when I was pg last year) and I feel as though I have mild period cramps Sad

I'm probably completely overreacting. I'm probably so paranoid now that I'm imagining these symptoms. But what if I'm not? Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. I'm not ready to have another baby. But what scares me so much as that I get ill from 4, 5w pg and even when I had a termination last year I had about a fortnight of being sick before it was done. We have holidays and weddings and a busy time at work all through July, it will be so hard to hide it and pretend to be feeling ok.

This clearly all makes me stupid, and probably quite horrible because I know what my decision will be if I am pg. I just can't go through another pg yet, I really can't, DC is only 2, I'm not ready.

I don't know quite why I'm writing this. I'm paranoid and scared and stressed and I can't take a pg test for another week or so. I think maybe I just want someone to talk to - I won't see DH for a while due to work, and I can't talk to my friends about this.

Sorry for the long pitying post (and sorry if this upsets or offends anyone).

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Mumyum1 · 25/06/2014 21:17

It's quite distressing I know the feeling. Anyone silly enough to judge should really hope they'll never be in a similar situation. Anyway. Best thing I would suggest is to go and get tested. Eight days after sex (the only time in a month as we were apart for work) my pee tested positive. So go owe on a stick. If negative go have a blood test done for BHCG. To a private place as your nhs doc prob won't do. You'll just pay phlebotomy fee and for the test. Results are back in 2 hours from the lab. Depends on where u r of course. I'm in London and know a few places here. Then at least by tomorrow if u do it then, you can do what u need to do by Friday. Bull by the horns.

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Mumyum1 · 25/06/2014 21:19

No please don't owe on stick. That won't help. Go pee on a stick.

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tak1ngchances · 25/06/2014 21:22

I feel for you, it must be very upsetting.
But you must know that Withdrawal is not a reliable form of contraception, even if your DH withdraws early...whatever happens this time, and I hope it works out ok for you, you'll have to stop relying on it at all.

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LorenaCompton · 25/06/2014 21:26

Thank you - I was beginning to think I sounded so awful that no one was going to reply Sad It's such a stupid thing, why didn't I just take that morning after pill?

Would poas work yet? I'd say it's exactly a week since this happened, and I'm not due on until the 7th. If you could recommend some places that would be fantastic, I'm in London too.

Feeling more stressed now as when I added up the dates it seemed tight - if I am pg, would find out around the 7th, and we go on holiday on the 17th so that is less than 10 days to get it sorted. NHS referral might take a little while, and I remember begging last time to get something sorted quickly as I had already started being sick, it got complicated as I seem to remember them wanting me to choose a clinic first, whereas I just wanted the first appt, even if I had to travel. I really can't through a weeks' holiday with loads of family if I'm throwing up everywhere. If it wasn't for that then I think I'd be less stressed about it all (bar the obvious stress)

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LorenaCompton · 25/06/2014 21:31

I know it's not effective, though we really don't practice what most people would imagine as 'withdrawal', we're normally talking minutes before. Silly as it sounds this is the one time in 8 years this has happened. The first time I know I was lax because psychologically I was willing to take the risk of getting pg are we were pretty much ready ttc anyway, the second time it was because I didn't know my cycle/fertile period, as it turns out to be a good ten days before anyway says it should be.

Sorry. I know I don't need to defend us on here. I suppose I want to sound like the sensible 30-somethings we actually are, not silly teenagers Blush

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tak1ngchances · 25/06/2014 21:55

If your husband's penis is in your vagina, and he is producing any kind of seminal fluid (i.e. pre-cum), then you can get pregnant.

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Mumyum1 · 25/06/2014 23:33

First you need to do the blood test. I suggest you call in sick tomorrow and go to one of the clinics below for 'abdominal cramps' / stomach bug etc. go first thing in the morning for the blood test - if you are a week pregnant then it should be positive. I know at Princess Grace, The Clementine, and Hosp of St John St Elizabeth, they have private walk in urgent care centres where you do not need an appointment or even to see the doc, you can register at the time you walk in and pay for the service. I can't tell you prices, I don't know them. I would google these three places and call them up in the morning to ask about price, and availability of the test and the turnaround time for results. It's quicker if they have a lab on site. If one of these three is not an option, then any one of the Medicentres (Google, there are a number of branches), same day doctor (Harley street) or any other private GP ( Google) should be able to arrange for the blood test - instead of letting them do the test on site I would suggest you ask for the blood request form and go to TDL (The Doctors Laboratory, most private places on London use this lab, or Quest) or whichever lab they advise, and have the blood drawn there, otherwise you have to wait for a courier to collect the days blood from the private GP and this usually happens at 5pm. If positive, I don't know any names but there are two private gynaes at the Portland who offer terminations privately. Hope this helps. Can you state your dates again. When u had sex, when was first day of last period.

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LorenaCompton · 26/06/2014 09:27

I've looked up the blood tests but we can't afford them at the moment Sad

Half of me thinks I am just being paranoid - every little twinge is bothering, it's probably just psychosomatic.

But having gone back over the dates I think next Tuesday would be the 2ww so I will take a test then. That will be the 1st, so it would give me two weeks to get things sorted and, if I went to the GP straight away, there should be time.

I just feel so awful about this Sad I HATE that I can't take hormonal contraception.

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LorenaCompton · 26/06/2014 09:27

And thanks, tak1ngchances, that's made me feel a lot better Sad

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minipie · 26/06/2014 14:05

No judgment here.

First Response (not the digital ones) are pretty good at giving an accurate result 3 days before you're due.

Non hormonal IUD might be an option for the future?

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LorenaCompton · 26/06/2014 14:24

Thanks minipie. I might start taking tests next week (after what would be 2w).

What is stressing me out more is that I get so ill when I pg. I have a family holiday right at the time I would start being ill. I'm not sure there would be time to arrange all the appts before then. If anything I know I'm focusing on that rather than what I would be choosing to do, but then nothing I've experienced yet has been as horrible as those first few months of pg. Trying to calm myself by reminding myself I can ask the GP for the strongest anti-emetics available, as there will be no concern about any harm to a baby.

Sorry, I know that sounds cold Blush

I've never been keen on a non-hormonal IUD, I hear so many horror stories. I think I will definitely track my cycle after this (whether I am pg or not) and find out exactly when the fertile times are, so we can keep to non-penetrative stuff then and be safe. Then after any future DC I can just get my tubes tied and be done with it all.

I hope I'm being paranoid. It's the slightly weird smells that are worrying me, I distinctly remember this from before. But I keep trying to think, what are the odds, really?

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LorenaCompton · 26/06/2014 14:24

(Sorry if my posts aren't coloured, I am flipping between my usual username)

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SloanePeterson · 26/06/2014 14:29

If you are pregnant, and do have a termination, ask to have a coil fitted at the same time. My coil was a fair few years ago now but was not painful to be put in and it made sure we had no accidents. I react horrendously to the pill, it makes me very very depressed. I had no problems with the mirena, and you can still opt for a copper coil. If you're sure you'd terminate, it might be best to book in now for one so you're not left waiting. You can always cancel if you don't need it.

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lizhow14 · 25/07/2014 21:31

Why don't you go to a walk in sexual health clinic and see what your options are? This might sound harsh but instead of relying on abortion as a method of contraception again in the future, you could also use this opportunity to fully explore all methods of contraception and choose one that is more reliable.

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adrianna22 · 27/07/2014 20:51

Agree with lizhow14.

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CarmineRose1978 · 28/07/2014 18:17

As a rule, I don't judge people choosing to have an abortion. I really don't. Maybe I'm feeling particularly sensitive because I'm pregnant with a much loved and wanted child who took five months to conceive.

But seriously, are you fucking kidding me? You're basically saying that you've had sex three times without protection, and each time has resulted in pregnancy (if you are pregnant this time)? And your chosen way to deal with this is another abortion? You say the reason you don't want this child is that you get really sick when pregnant, and I have sympathy with that because I was sick all day every day from week 5 to week 21... but that being the case, why on earth weren't you more careful? You're in your thirties, not 15, ffs! I'll say again, are you fucking kidding me?

And yes. I'm sure this post won't help you feel any better right now (unless it makes you a little less selfish and immature next time you want a shag). Possibly I'll get flamed for being judgemental. But you seriously need to grow up, and think about someone other than yourself for a change. Abortion isn't a contraceptive.

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startwig1982 · 28/07/2014 18:30

A little harsh bearing in mind the state the op is in. However, I do agree that abortion is not a contraceptive and that the op needs to be a bit more responsible.

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lentilpot · 28/07/2014 18:56

I can't be on hormonal contraception and the copper iud has been a lifesaver.

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CarmineRose1978 · 28/07/2014 19:26

startwig, yes, I was being harsh. Usually when I'm feeling judgey I just keep it to myself... I just found out today that one of my close friends has been told her baby has a 1/7 chance of having Downs, so at the moment, the idea of aborting a healthy baby because it's not convenient right now is particularly upsetting. I guess I shouldn't have brought that to the thread though.

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