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termination at 9 weeks, advice/experiences

(59 Posts)
pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 19:28:20

Hello, I have made the decision (about 98% sure) to terminate a pregnancy, I am absolutely churned up about this and very distressed but feel it is probably the right thing to do.

Can anyone share any experiences about a termination at this stage, physical and mental?

thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Belindabelle Thu 31-Oct-13 19:53:43

Sorry I have no experience to share with you but didn't want your thread to go unanswered.

pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 19:55:05

thank you smile

OP’s posts: |
CeliaLytton Thu 31-Oct-13 20:01:02

I don't have any advice but there is a section on here antenatal tests and choices where you will probably find some knowledgable people and you might get more responses.

I hope all goes well for you.

pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 20:03:49

Where is it please celia?

OP’s posts: |
BelaLugosisShed Thu 31-Oct-13 20:09:55

Are you having a chemical termination or a surgical one?
I had a surgical one almost 20 years ago at 9 weeks, expect conflicting emotions - relief, questioning whether you've made the right decision etc.
It was also the first time I'd had a GA and I was a a bit all over the place for a few days afterwards, I didn't have much pain or bleeding as far as I can remember, just take care of yourself and have someone look after you if you can.
It's only because of a woman hating culture that we are to told to expect lifelong guilt , in reality it's the very best decision for the vast majority of women who choose termination. I've certainly never thought I made the wrong choice and have not regretted it for a moment.
Good luck .

MissEverdeen Thu 31-Oct-13 20:11:23

Hi, I had a termination at 9 weeks a few years back; I, like you, was 98% sure and although I now know that it was completely the right decision a part of me will always regret my actions-maybe that's just me but I think you have to be prepared that this will stay with you forever.

I opted for a medical termination and was put under general anasthetic for the first time and found the effect was not something I wasnt expecting this for me was the only physical effect on my body, I didn't bleed at all.

Mentally and emotionally I was not at all prepared, I really struggled with how little impact it had on the guy, i hated hik for not having to go through what I went through. It lead to me developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and drugs and culminated in a suicide attempt. I'm not telling you this to put you off just simply to say take the support offered don't feel that you have to shoulder this burden alone.

Mrsmindcontrol Thu 31-Oct-13 20:12:49

Probably not an awful lot of help to you but I was booked in for a termination at 9 weeks through BPAS but ended up miscarrying at 8 weeks.

I had opted for a surgical termination under general anaesthetic but at 9 weeks you can also have a medical abortion which is brought on through tablets/pessaries. Having had the miscarriage & knowing how much bleeding, mess & pain there was, I'd go for a surgical option again in future (although I've now been sterilised so never going to happen again!).

Either way, you'd need to take it easy for 2-3 days, stay at home, off work & get some help in at home.

BPAS were great. Really professional & respectful. They offer post abortion counselling too. If you're in an area where you are able to self refer, I'd recommend going through them. There's no need to see your GP at all.

Good luck OP. Look after yourself x

MissEverdeen Thu 31-Oct-13 20:17:55

Sorry I didn't have a medical termination it was a surgical one, I also used BPAS who were great, they let me go to a clinic in a different city so I didn't have to drive past it everyday.

MissEverdeen Thu 31-Oct-13 20:18:36

Sorry I didn't have a medical termination it was a surgical one, I also used BPAS who were great, they let me go to a clinic in a different city so I didn't have to drive past it everyday.

LondonNightmareInGhostlyBoots Thu 31-Oct-13 20:19:33

I had one at 10+6 but I thought I was at 8. I think at 9 you have to have a surgical, I wanted surgical anyway as then it was over. It didn't hurt at all.

you have to either have a cab or a lift home they dont let you leave for public transport which I didn't know. if a male partner comes with you they can't stay in the waiting room which makes perfect sense in hindsight, you don't know the experience of the other women in the waiting room. Don't know if a female would be allowed to stay.

I was under general, you can also have it under a kind of waking sedation but I did not want to have that. I was very sleepy for 2 days after, I'd take it off work if I were you.

I was a wreck afterwards for a while, not helped by the ea relationship I was in 'you stupid bitch for getting yourself pregnant why weren't you on the pill' into 'you bitch you killed my baby'. He was greathmm it took me about a month to feel ok and about 5 or 6 to feel normal. no emotion attached to it or the topic now, never really had any regrets at the time either, the emotions were tied to the situation and the fact that it would have been my child not the actual baby-in-potential iyswim. i never really considered keeping it tbh.

I bled for about 2 weeks maybe, can't remember exactly as it was about 6 years ago. cramped for maybe 2 days but not as bad as my period pains.

its a very hard decision to make but for me, it was ten million percent the right one. it helps to have someone irl to talk to, as you will probably want to cry and I think chemicaly it is a shock to the system, your body won't be prepared to lose a pregnancy so quickly. my hormones were a bit messy for a while. it took actually 2 years for my boobs to shrink back down (they got massive, went from a b to an ee in what would have been week 5 or 6), and they are a bit 'empty' now, base size wise a dd but with a c worth of filling. my body physically changed shape too, I was a very late developer and while I was 5 months into 18 when I got pg, I had only had my periods for 2 years and I hadn't finished developing tbh, I suddenly got hips in the space of about a week just before the termination, I think the hormones sped the last bits of puberty up.

That was very long, apologies, I just wanted to tell you anything that could be useful! Just remember, you are making this decision, and making it for you and no one has any right to tell you what to do with your body one way or another. no one else is you or in your shoes even if they have been in a similar situation it is not your situation.

if you want to pm me feel free.

bundaberg Thu 31-Oct-13 20:22:53

i had a surgical termination at around 8 weeks quite a few years ago. with the BPAS who, I have to say, were really amazing. I was very young, had mental health issues and they were just SO kind to me.
had G.A so can't really tell you anything about the procedure itself, but I was up and about quite soon afterwards. had normal period-type bleeding.

mentally? It was absolutely the right decision for me at the time and so I have honestly never really had that distress of getting rid of a baby. There are times when I think about it, but it's ok. I know it was the right thing to do.

Do you have someone supportive you've shared this with? or who you can share it with?

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Thu 31-Oct-13 20:35:11

Pregnancy without him? What does that mean? Would you like to continue pregnancy but feel unable? Men are handy don't get me wrong but they aren't necessary for a family.

CeliaLytton Thu 31-Oct-13 20:36:10

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices

I hope you get the advice and support you need

pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 20:36:43

Thank you, I'm a bit on my own really but that's one of the major reasons in not really wanting to continue with the pregnancy sad

I do feel very upset but also relieved, I do think it's the right decision but also think I'll feel very, very sad afterwards as I do want children and I feel awful but not now, not like this sad

Thank you so much for sharing x

OP’s posts: |
pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 20:39:56

Patridge I have thought and thought about this, I am sure I'd manage, alone, but the situation is far from ideal - the father of the baby doesn't want to know, I work full time, to be honest it's all wrong timing wise, I have felt torn and conflicted since finding out I was pregnant and what I desperately want is to "start over", I want to find a man I love and who treats me well, I want to build a secure life for myself and future children and I want to feel happy and more settled.

None of the above would be completely impossible with a baby but I'm not sure they'd be possible, either, I have been so depressed and unhappy, I do feel guilty now but also relieved.

OP’s posts: |
APartridgeAmongThePigeons Thu 31-Oct-13 20:41:31

Sorry I don't want to make you feel bad, termination is absolutely the right decision for some women at sometimes. Just make sure its the choice you want and you aren't doing it because "families should be XYZ"

Because no family is really. And there are no guarantees in any relationship

Handbagsonnhold Thu 31-Oct-13 20:42:31

Op I think I recall your original posting....I know your decision (if it is you) has been a difficult one. Just want to say thinking of you and please feel free to pm

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Thu 31-Oct-13 20:43:47

Ok, if you feel relief you probably are making the best decision for you! Good luck for it and take good care of yourself after. The timing will be right at some point!

TooOldForGlitter Thu 31-Oct-13 20:44:33

Hi, I had a termination at 8 weeks.

Was awake, my choice, just had local. Not painful just uncomfortable. Treated kindly and with respect. Varying emotions tbh; guilt, relief, guilt at being relieved. It was nearly ten years ago and I do still think about it but if I could go back in time, in the circumstances, I would choose the same option again.

[Flowers]

GetWhatYouNeed Thu 31-Oct-13 20:44:42

I had an abortion at 10 weeks over 26 years ago when I was 23, it was under general anaesthetic and just remember the massive sense of relief when I came round and realised I wasn't pregnant any more. I took a week off work just taking things easy, had a bit of a scare when the bleeding became quite heavy one evening and called the doctor out who gave me some sort of injection and it was fine. I never regretted it and always knew it was the right decision even though over the next few months I had occasional twinges of sadness if I saw a new baby or heard someone was pregnant, but those feelings wore off and then I never thought about it. Subsequently went on to have 2 children when the timing and circumstances were right.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Thu 31-Oct-13 20:44:48

Post before last was a xpost so just ignore sorry!

TooOldForGlitter Thu 31-Oct-13 20:45:14

sorry that was meant to be thanks

pregnancywithouthim Thu 31-Oct-13 20:46:49

Handbags it has been so, so difficult, but I do think it is the right thing, I feel so terrible though.

There's a lot of stuff I need to work through, I don't think it would be fair to bring a baby into that.

OP’s posts: |
OttilieKnackered Thu 31-Oct-13 20:48:58

At the risk of being judged forever I've had two terminations. One at ten weeks (surgical) and one at five weeks (medical) my very strong advice would be to go for a surgical if you have the choice. Medical I found quite traumatic and very painful. Surgical you're not aware of what's happening and it's less 'real'. Despite hating the actual experience, the after effects of the medical termination were far less difficult emotionally. That's because that time I was absolutely irrefutably sure it was the right thing. Much less so the other time. I ummed and ahed for so long, hence the lateish termination. In the long run, both were right for me, but the later one took me some time to get over. Good luck, and ease look after yourself.

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