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Unplanned pregnancy what to do??!?

(13 Posts)
Lentil789 Thu 13-Jun-13 21:57:27

I'm 5 weeks 2 days pregnant.

I'm 21, live in a flat share in London, I have a decent job and things are good. I'm single, the father of my little bean sized thingy is not a boyfriend, just someone I was seeing. He's been great but he doesn't think this is an ideal situation to bring a life into the world, I mean I agree, it's not ideal, but part of me really wants to keep it, ive already had one termination a few years ago.

I had an early scan today at the epu because I'd had stomach pain that turned out to be a uti. They showed me the scan and allthough it is so tiny and doesn't look like much yet I still got all excited.

I need to talk to him more about how we would do it, he's been supportive so far but he's very much pro termination. I wondered if anyone knew how the hell one can cope one your own, in London, with a baby. I dot have a family home to move back to unfortunately.
I have decided to do an ou course too!! Has anyone done study from home with a wee one?

I don't know what to do, I'm scared, I don't know what it's going to be like if I keep it and I don't know if I can terminate another baby!

I know I'm the only person who can answer this but I'd appreciate stories and advice from young or single mums or mums in general.

Help!!! X

Allthatglitters789 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:09:50

Hi there! I just turned 22 and have two little ones my eldest is almost 4 and my youngest is almost 2. I was facing the same decisions as you a few years ago although myself and partner had only been together 5 months when we got caught we celebrated our 5 year anniversary at the beginning of this month.
I think to decide what you want to do you should have a think about how it will affect your future, if you are ready and if you are financially stable, I'm not saying you should be all of those thing before you have a baby but it would certainly make life a lot easier! I had nothing to my name when I got pregnant at 17 and life has just worked out great for me, we are a stable loving family and that's what is most important. I think the biggest change you will have to face is no freedom, I thought that was going to be the hard bit but actually I would much prefer to stay in with my boys than be out on the town!
Have a talk with family and friends, also a doctor or family planning clinic could be helpful.
You alone have to make the decision, good luck and all the best with what ever you chose to do. Please feel free to pm me if you like! smile

Lentil789 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:24:58

Thanks for your story!!

I'm worried about finances mostly, I've just finessed paying off some debts and have very little savings. He has a good job but I don't know what capacity he would want to be involved. My sister is single and has always tried to do everything herself so when she became single it was never difficult.

I'm worried about housing and income, I will get statutory maternity pay I know that much. And I can do the school runs for my cousin if I still live near enough to her (she's always wanted to replace her nanny with me if she could).

But I don't know where we would end up living, how else I could survive etc.

That's one of the bigger deciding factors, my sisters have all done it but I don't want to chat to them about it just yet. I know they'd be supportive but I'm still a little nervous about telling them.

homeaway Sat 15-Jun-13 10:58:57

Hi, I did not want to read and run. I would talk to him again and explain that you are thinking about keeping the baby and see what he says, he may react badly in the first instance but he might come around after a while. Ask him if he is happy to help you and if he wants to be involved if you go ahead. It is not an easy situation to be in. Have you thought about getting some counselling to talk things over ? Good luck with whatever you decide.

specialsubject Mon 17-Jun-13 12:55:09

it is absolutely your call. You are the one who will have the abortion or give birth, and whichever you do must be your decision. You will have to make some choices about life and studying if you keep the baby.

He doesn't want the baby, but then he should have thought of that before having unprotected sex.

good luck in whatever you decide. Every child a wanted child.

Lentil789 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:48:27

Much as I want to keep it I just don't think it's possible. I'm heart broken. I want so much for my future children, I don't want them to go through what I did (my parents weren't exactly hands on, my brother pretty much raised me) and I don't want them to have to want for much.

I'm heart broken, I can't stop crying, but I think things are pointing towards that. sad

duchesse Mon 17-Jun-13 22:06:32

Only you can make this decision. As you are well aware (or you wouldn't be agonising over it now) having a child is a very big decision in your life and only you can know whether it's a challenge you want to take on now. There are many happy stories of young and/or single mums, but of course your life WILL change for ever and it's a question if that is right for you at this point. Studying from home with a small baby in tow is very hard but it can be done with military levels of organisation.

The very fact you are asking the questions might indicate that you feel like you could contemplate having the child. Ultimately it is not your not-bf's decision as he doesn't have to carry the child for 9 months. He may have a view on whether he wants to be a father but that doesn't mean you have to go through with an abortion against your own judgment.

fifi669 Thu 25-Jul-13 21:50:23

Hi, I was 20wks pregnant when my ex left and he has nothing to do with us now. I work part time as an accountant and I'm doing Bsc Maths with the OU! So we have similarities.

Studying when pregnant or with babies is easy. With toddlers it's a bit more difficult as they are very demanding, though the evenings are of course yours to get your head down...... That's what I should be doing now but I'm MNting instead grin.

Michellephant Mon 26-Aug-13 19:09:24

Hi, I'm a pregnant student. I lost my first baby at 22 weeks last year (termination for medical reasons) and even though money can be tight, my life is still continuing. I'm on a work placement as part of my course (postgrad course) and it isn't causing any problems.

If you are going to have a termination then ensure you do it for the right reasons. Whether he likes it or not, if you keep the baby he will have to support you at least financially via the child support agency. 15% of his income will go towards supporting that baby to live if you are separated. Hopefully you will work something out and not have to go down that route but unfortunately lots of people do. But hey, babies survive. I grew up without my dad in my life and I've been fine, my mum is still a single parent even now and my brother (8) and sister (15) are also happy and healthy.

You won't be alone whatever happens smile people will support you and help you where they can.

Michellephant Mon 26-Aug-13 19:10:19

I forgot to add that I'll have to return to my studies with a 6 month old baby and complete this work placement! In effect I'll have a full time job AND the studying part on top of it. If you want something you will find a way to make it work.

Mumof3xx Mon 26-Aug-13 19:11:57

You would be entitled to financial help through tax credits and child benefit, and also money from your babies father. There is much more help with housing if you have a child too

Mumof3xx Mon 26-Aug-13 19:12:54

Oh and I passed two ou courses with two children under 3 and working 30 hours a week

Fifi2406 Mon 26-Aug-13 19:34:06

I was 11 weeks when ex left, not before going behind my back trying to get me to have an abortion by booking appointments for me and taking me for a "surprise" he was okay with he pregnancy to start with i was on the pill so it was a shock but then all of a sudden he changed his mind and has had little to nothing to do with our son since, has seen him twice once by accident when I bumped into him in a car 11 weeks I was already excited and a bit attached and could not have gone through with an abortion! Single parent hood from the start is hard but it will be all you know so you will just deal with it and make you realise what a strong woman you can be! With the going with out problem, my son almost 2 is more happy to play with a bucket of water in the garden or bang pots and pans together than any expensive toy or run in a part more than any outing and as long as you feel you're being a hands on parent that is all that matters! Just this week I've made a boat out of a huge cardboard box and some fabric that he is getting for his birthday! And you can get absolutely lovely clothes from supermarkets and supermarket brand nappies (asda in particular for me) are brilliant!

Financially you would probably be able to claim tax credits and child benefit and it seems you have a good few people around you! For me it's the best thing over ever done even if my son doesn't see his dad which I'm sure will bring its troubles in the future but I feel like we will be able to deal with it! I think either way having a baby or having a termination is for life and you have to deal with the circumstances of your choice and how you will deal with it! I fell pregnant towards the end of my degree but completed it and gave birth a couple of months after, with a baby studying is totally do able they sleep a lot and don't move with a toddler it would be a bit more difficult as they are time consuming little buggers but if you get into a good routine early on you would have a good few hours in the evenings!

Good luck with whatever you choose to do! Only you can make your decision your body your choice!

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