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23 weeks and having to choose termination if you can call it choice!!

(51 Posts)
zen1980 Fri 19-Apr-13 16:28:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and at my 20wrrk scan (done at 21 weeks) they said the baby had dilated kidneys however, did happen occasionally and that it was nothing to worry about. To be safe they arranged a scan with a renal consultant today. Today we could not have got given more worse news (to us). The baby has dysplastic kidney disease which it has in both kidneys, one kidney is huge an not functioning which you can live with just one kidney. However, the consultant was pretty sure cysts where forming in the other kidney and the fluid around the baby was Reducing. This would make the baby at full term incompatible with life.
They now have to decide whether the hospital will stop her heart as they are often bound to see if she will survive once born. If we carried on with the pregnancy here is a less than 10% chance she would survive an we would watch her pass away.
We have a 3 year old who is excited beyond belief about her sister an what do I say? Before her we had a mmc an that was bad enough but this? I feel my baby kicking as I type an can not think of what is going to get me through this. My Dh is so supportive but I don't think I can go on the pain is too much knowing our plans and hope have just been Squashed again.
I lost my mum quite soon after my daughter was born an that was hard enough but this....
Can anyone help??

GaryBuseysTeeth Fri 26-Apr-13 11:09:21

Sorry, misunderstood where you wrote about spending time with him before the funeral.
Hope last night was peaceful, and your daughter is helping you through.


zen1980 Fri 26-Apr-13 09:39:02

Thanks guys we are just taking it hour by hour really I'm feeling pretty numb, don't know if that will be the same after the funeral next weds.
I love my- it wasn't our 'boys' chosen name but both our granddad were called jack an it just felt right when we saw him and now it feels perfect.
Thank you for thinking of me x

toffeelolly Fri 26-Apr-13 00:18:27

Zen so sorry ,am thinking of you and your family. your little angel Jack will always be with you. Look after yourself ( hugs ) x

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 26-Apr-13 00:05:43

I love the name Jack, it was my Grandads name.

Rest in Peace little boy.

So sorry for you.

foofooyeah Thu 25-Apr-13 23:57:37

RIP Jack, what a terribly sad time for you, prayers and peace to you.

NotAQueef Thu 25-Apr-13 23:44:19

RIP darling baby Jack.
My thoughts are with you x

LivingProof Thu 25-Apr-13 23:35:24

I hope today was everything you all needed it to be.

Wishing you and your family peace and healing.

GaryBuseysTeeth Thu 25-Apr-13 08:36:27

RIP little Jack.
You & your family are in my prayers, hope the funeral today is peaceful & beautiful. x

pmgkt Thu 25-Apr-13 07:28:43

Thinking if you, x

CassieTheCockatoo Thu 25-Apr-13 01:41:52

Thinking of you. Rest peacefully little Jack.

Be kind to yourself Zen -big hugs.

essexmumma Thu 25-Apr-13 01:31:58

RIP little Jack x

AThingInYourLife Thu 25-Apr-13 01:27:37

Well done zen, RIP baby Jack, love to your family.

chipmonkey Thu 25-Apr-13 01:17:33

zen, thinking of you and your little Jack. You did the right thing for him and it was the best for him.
When you feel ready, do feel free to join us here We have all lost precious children, some born sleeping, some lost as babies and some older children too.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. xxxxxx

Startail Thu 25-Apr-13 00:37:31

RIP little Jack and time and peace to heal to your parents and DSIS.

WotSoFunee Thu 25-Apr-13 00:29:26

Love to you and your families xxx

SirBoobAlot Thu 25-Apr-13 00:22:25

Much love to you, Zen.xx

zen1980 Thu 25-Apr-13 00:18:18

Hey everyone just an update baby Jack was born at 7.02pm weighing a huge 1lb 10oz he Is absolutely perfect an gorgeous like his big sister. A lovely surprise that he is a boy not girl an we can't get over how big he is. He passed away with us cuddling him.
Our prayers were answered an it was over as quick as I could have asked only starting the process at 12.30 today.
I feel very proud to call him out son an we are spending the night with him before he is taken for the private funeral we have arranged.
He is at peace now with grandma x thank you all fit your thoughts, kind words an advice it means so much xx

manitz Wed 24-Apr-13 22:11:13

Hi Zen, hope it is all over and you are now able to rest. x

Southsearocks Wed 24-Apr-13 21:56:58

So very sorry that this has happened sad. Another MNer thinking of you all x

GaryBuseysTeeth Wed 24-Apr-13 21:45:00

So sorry to hear what you're going through Zen, am thinking of you. xxx

BasilBabyEater Wed 24-Apr-13 21:42:10

I'm so sorry zen.

I hope you get through this OK. Be kind to yourself.

mytwopennies Wed 24-Apr-13 21:39:54

So sorry you have had to go through this. You were in my thoughts today, I hope you somehow find the strength to make a full and speedy recovery x

ghislaine Wed 24-Apr-13 20:13:17

Just wanted to say I have been thinking of you today, zen.

CremeEggThief Tue 23-Apr-13 16:16:24

Just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. Xxx.

Michellephant Tue 23-Apr-13 16:06:41

Also, I just realised I hadn't suggested what to say to your daughter. There are some children's books that help to explain death. My local library has quite a selection of these types of book (which I think is fantastic) so perhaps you could look for something like that as they are age-specific usually and will help you choose your words. Children are often extremely resilient and good at dealing with these things.

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