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I'm not sure I should start this thread, but am having a massive panic and have no one to talk to

(64 Posts)
AngryBeaver Sun 14-Oct-12 09:14:57

Some of you may remember my other thread. Missed mc in Sept last year. Pregnant few months later. After lots of stressful weeks, we had the amnio and found that our little girl had Downs. We said goodbye to her on July 12th when I was 18 weeks. Worst time of my life.
I am now 6 weeks pregnant and was feeling quite happy about things.
I was feeling that it couldn't happen agin,we wouldn't be that unlucky.
But now I am having a huge flap. I have started to believe that it is going to happen again. I really think it will, I can almost hear the voice on the end of the phone saying it all again.
I can't talk to dh about this as he wasn't sure about trying again anyway and I don't want to stress him out.
I have no one to talk to about it here (abroad) and my rl friends aren't

GupX Mon 15-Oct-12 01:26:48

Hi AngryBeaver,

Oh lovely, I am so sorry you are up in the night (is it night where you are?) worrying about this and I totally relate to the 'panic stations' feeling.

I had a number of miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and we spent 7 years 'trying' to have a baby. When we finally made it past the 12 week mark, I was absolutely terrified that something would still go wrong (I was convinced the hammer was going to fall and something dreadful would happen). Fastforward three years to my two beautiful boys (we had twins) and I still worry often that something is going to happen to take them away from me. It has faded though.

I think what I am (very) ineptly trying to say s that it is totally normal to worry, especially when you have had to live through very difficult and distressing things. But you will get through it - whatever happens.

Chances are, everything will be fine. Whether things are fine or not, you cannot, at this stage affect the outcome.

So try to relax and keep your mind busy, as much as possible, with other things. It's stressful, and awful, but this to will pass.

Big hugs and love

AngryBeaver Mon 15-Oct-12 08:45:48

Thanks GupsX that was a lovely post.
I am so glad you got your lovely boys, how magical to have twins!
I have always said I would love that, so special.
I understand what you mean about something still happening. I think that too. I think I am just a worrier. Dh calls me a stress head, he is right, but I can't help it.
Does anyone kinow if you can have the blood tests that give you the ratio at this stage? Or does it have to be around the 12 week stage when they measure the nuchal fold?

lotsofcheese Mon 15-Oct-12 10:35:51

Good morning Angrybeaver I just wanted to say that the 1st week or so after BFP can really throw you into a tailspin - it certainly did for me, despite all my pregnancies being much hoped-for & long-awaited. I had panics about whether I actually wanted to be pregnant "What have I done" etc. So it's normal. And I'm much calmer now - what will be, will be.

I've been "unlucky" too - everything that's happened to me has been a statistical blip, the odds of all these things happening to me must be literally one in a million. Just bloody bad luck, which is no consolation.

As far as I know, the Down's screening is done from 11+ weeks. I'm not sure I'll feel confident about the results, as I have no confidence in statistics given all the weird'n'wonderful things I've had.

AngryBeaver Mon 15-Oct-12 19:40:43

Morning lotsofcheese, you have been throught the mill. I meant to ask and I hope you don't mind. What is PE? And is a molar pregnancy like a phantom pregnancy? Sorry to be ignorant.
I am seeing the midwife in a few hours. I will find going in there to be very difficult I think. I drove past the other day and had palpatations.
idn't sleep much last night thinkiing about today. Which is rather pathetic when you think I am only 6.5 weeks and this is onlt a booking in meeting. Laughable that I would lose sleep over this with what is coming in the next few weeks. That is if there is even a heartbeat at the scan. I am assuming they will scan me regualrly as they did last time.

Are they scanning you regularly too? And giving you lots of support I hope. Wouldn't it be nice if we both went on to have lovely healthy babies?xx

ghislaine Mon 15-Oct-12 20:00:45

Can you ask to go under consultant care at this meeting - if it is out of the realm of their usual expertise, that wouldn't seem like a strange request, especially as your background risk of having another T21 pregnancy is 1:100.

In terms of the bloods, AFAIK, they have to be combined with the other factors to give you the most accurate screening result. There is a blood test which can be done at around 7-9 weeks which samples fetal dna from the mother's blood (you can google this, there are some scientific papers on this, mostly from Norway I think) but I don't know if this is widely available or at all. I do hope it is if I am ever pregnant again, I will definitely be asking for it to save me weeks of inevitable worry.

lotsofcheese Mon 15-Oct-12 21:35:58

Hi again angrybeaver How did you get on at the midwife? Hoping it went well & you are feeling supported.

PE is pre-eclampsia; I got it in my 1st pregnancy very severely, and DS had to be delivered at 29 weeks - it was touch & go for both of us (him especially) & he spent 3 months in hospital before he could come home.

A molar pregnancy is a conception, which is so chromosomally abnormal that it is incompatible with foetal development - so instead the placenta grows abnormally, with the cells behaving like pre-cancer. It requires surgery (ERCP) & sometimes chemotherapy to destroy the abnormal cells.

So yes, I've had a shite time with rare nasties. I'm being scanned fortnightly at the moment & am dreading the results of the nuchal translucency. I'm 40 so it's probably going to come back high :-(

Hang in there & take it 1 day at a time x

AngryBeaver Tue 16-Oct-12 01:49:06

I think it's a bit different here. Ther ar no consultants, there may be something else. I will have to ask.
I asked about any tests that can be done now and she didnt know of anything, so I'm guessing it hasn't made it's way over here yet.
The most they can offer for now is blood tests every 48 hours, and early scan, and then the wait until 11+3 when they can measure the nuchal fold.
She said I can have a CVS between 10-12 weeks, but said that there was a chance of them getting my placenta instead of the baby'ssid e of it. She said that if it was a girl and they got the wrong sample, the results would come back as normal even if she had downs. So that makes me think, is there any point in the CVS as I would want an amnio to tbe sure.
Feel absoloutely wrung out. Shattered.
Thaks for explaing lotsofcheese, so sorry you have had to go through those traumatic times x

manitz Tue 16-Oct-12 10:05:46

hi there. I think the cvs chance of getting a placenta is fairly small and it would be good to have the test early if you are worrying. I would check what they have instead of consultants - a mw is great for delivery etc but not nec as aware of medical issues like tests etc in my experience. Even though I have had two tfmrs, an early birth, 2 c sections and a third degree tear and I am considered old so pretty high risk all round I wasn't given any extra treatment until about 12 weeks. so you have about 5 weeks to go. What can you do to distract yourself? any chance of a holiday?

Did someone answer your questions on molar pg? As far as I know it is a pregnancy which doesn't form properly so it is a bundle of cells but never develops. My ex sil had one and I remember she had to be tested for cancer and needed to wait 6m after to conceive as she had to be all clear. I'm not certain how the cancer is related though but it is pretty shitty.

manitz Tue 16-Oct-12 10:09:52

sorry, I've just seen that lots of cheese has answered you in a far better informed way than I did about molar pg. I don't think I know anyone who has a number of children and hasn't had something go wrong in at least one pg. I remember sitting at dinner with about 10 friends following my tfmr and realising that the only person I didn't know for sure had lost a pg in that group had adopted so presumably had had her own set of issues.

FWIW I also had doubts with all 3 pgs following my termination. Its lovely when it goes right but the worry about what could go wrong when you start out is scary. x

AngryBeaver Tue 16-Oct-12 10:55:39

Thanks manintz. Good to know there is hope after tfmr.
I definitely want the cvs, but now if it comes back negative, and they tell me it's a girl,I will still have to have the amnio. I worrry about the risk of miscarriage though,I know it's small.
No, I don't knit!Though I'd like to learn. Have tried to youtube it but I'm not a visual learner!
A friend has offered us her bach for a few days, so that is an option.
I will ask about equivilant consultant care. Although, as you and cheese say I don't think there is anything they can do until 10-12 weeks. I wish I could fast forward this bit of my life.
I bet you wish the same cheese sad

lotsofcheese Tue 16-Oct-12 14:05:07

Yes I do wish I could fast-forward!!!

I should be 9+3 just now, but last time I had a mmc at 11.5 weeks (heartbeat had stopped at 9+1) despite a good scan at 8+5 - so who knows if I'm still pregnant or not?!

I'll find out next Wednesday at my scan.....

I think for us, it's taking things 1 day at a time is the way to go. I'm not thinking beyond that at all. I just know I have a long way to go....

manitz Tue 16-Oct-12 15:46:38

I think sometimes you have to embrace limbo. I saw it that at before 12 weeks you can enjoy what might be, all the possibilities without the stress of making a decision. Also enjoy not having varicose veins and weeing all the time! i also enjoy eating nice treats to stop morning sickness and being a little bit spoilt.

There is nothing you can do to make this stick nor to make it a healthy fetus. it either is or it isn't so enjoy it as much as you can for as long as you can.

What is a bach? good luck with your scan lots of cheese.

Daphne78 Tue 16-Oct-12 19:27:14

Hi AngryBeaver

A huge congratulations on your pregnancy.

Just wanted to tell you that I totally understand you. I have a story very similar to Manitz (HLHS followed by Downs). We are starting to try again this month and if I get pregnant I am sure I will share exactly the same feelings as you are experiencing at the moment.

I have heard a lot of good stories so let's think positive.

Best, D

AngryBeaver Tue 16-Oct-12 19:41:53

good luck with the scan cheese, I have everything crossed for you.
My first scan is on the 29th. She suggested Monday at first but then had a wobble incase my dates were wrong. I only have 20 day cycle so going by that I am 6+5, but if I concieved later in the month then I could be a week or two out. She doesn't want me to panic if the baby is very small, or even too small to have a heartbeat yet.
So we comprimised.
maninz you speak sense as always. I am trying NOT to eat little treats though as my thighs are still touching from getting fat the last time! I feel revolting already!
Daphne Good luck with the baby making. If you feel anything like me, you will feel elated...and then crash! But I'm slowly levelling out (with a bit of talking down). I hope all goes well for you x

AngryBeaver Thu 18-Oct-12 08:12:08

sorry maninz meant to say, a bach is a beach house/holiday home

AngryBeaver Mon 29-Oct-12 04:18:02

How did the scan go cheese? All good I hope.
Mine showed no heartbeat, but she put me at 5.5 rather than 8.4 that I thought I was, so she wants me back in 10 days.
HOWEVER, I have just gone to the toilet and there was a small amount of blood on the paper, and I have mild tummy ache. I am so scared, I can't believe this is happening. Why is is going wrong again?sad sad

CrikeyOHare Mon 29-Oct-12 04:37:59

Beaver try not to panic just yet, my love. It's incredibly common to have a little bleed around the 5/6 weeks mark. I did, and my pregnancy proceeded normally afterwards. I also recall having mild period pains at the time too.

Put your feet up & call your GP when they open in a few hours - or NHS Direct if you start feeling worse.

Hoping it's all OK for you thanks

AngryBeaver Mon 29-Oct-12 05:04:44

Thanks crikey, I could do with a cuddle,but will take the flowers!
I have no one in this country that I can talk to about all of this. My dh won't be in until gone 11pm, and I have the children to put to bed yet.
I am hoping it will be ok, but this is my 6th pregnancy and I have never had any bleeding before. I have also not been sick yet, which is unheard of for me, but maybe it is too early on, as I say, I thought I was 3 weeks ahead.
It was only a tiny bit of blood (the dc's had all followed me into the toilet so I couldn't examine i properly!)
But I have rung the mdwf, she admitted it didn't sound good. I had bloods done earlier today so she will check the results and ring me, I am having more in 48 hours. I suppose that's all they can do.

CrikeyOHare Mon 29-Oct-12 05:17:50

How old are your DC? Can they get themselves to bed or are they too little? Any neighbour or friend who can pop in to help for a few hours? You really do need to put your feet up.

Wish I could tell you that it's definitely not an m/c, but I can't. Bleeding is never a good sign. But 1 in 10 pregnancies do have "implantation" bleeding and it's always around the stage that you're at now. So, there's some hope. Also, my sickness started at 8 weeks & didn't last long, so the absence of it so far is not necessarily a bad sign either.

I'd had an ectopic pregnancy a year before I got pregnant again - so when I had a little bleed at 5.5 weeks, I really panicked. But all was well, and 17 years later my "baby" is snoring in his bedroom!

Keeping everything crossed for you, I truly am xx

AngryBeaver Mon 29-Oct-12 06:13:58

Thanks crikey. No they're 2,4 and 6, so too little. But are in bed now. Hopefully they will stay there. No neighbours and only surface friends I couldn't burden. One or two better firends, but they have their own young families.
The midwife has just rung, she said my hcg levels don't look good. She said the ones I took two weeks ago were good, they doubled in 2 days. And although my levels are ok for the stage I am, they havn't jumped as far as she would like.
I don't think this is going to end well (again)..I am having a vodka and a cry

Pizdets Mon 29-Oct-12 07:35:16

Hi angrybeaver I've been following your story as I tfmr in the summer. Not sure I have anything useful to say as the baby we lost in the summer was my first and only pregnancy, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, I hope things work out ok and that your husband comes home soon and gives you the big hug you need.

As crikey says, try to take it as easy as you can.


AngryBeaver Mon 29-Oct-12 07:40:09

I'm sorry to hear that pez I hope you have a happy outcome the next time you start trying.
Thank you for your support x

lotsofcheese Mon 29-Oct-12 08:08:41

Oh angry I'm so sorry you're going through this, the waiting is just agony. I always felt the not knowing was worst.

Sending you big hugs & some chocolate too xxxx

AngryBeaver Mon 29-Oct-12 08:14:34

Thanks cheese how did your scan go?

lotsofcheese Mon 29-Oct-12 09:03:03

It was ok, thanks. I have another booked for next Thursday too.

Take care of yourself x

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