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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(792 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

LittlePoot Thu 14-Mar-13 07:28:35

I will do-well try and do that today. And will send to Natz as well. Pizdets-are you anywhere near London? Would you like to come too? (lunch on Saturday near Victoria)

Pizdets Thu 14-Mar-13 10:52:39

Oooh, LittlePoot, thanks for thinking of me, how lovely! I am in London but we have the in-laws down at the weekend so I can't make it. I hope you all have a lovely time, though.

Just logged on to share a bit of good news - had an early scan at FMC earlier this week as we were booked in to do the Harmony test...turns out they couldn't do it as the baby is almost a week bigger than my dates! Obviously had a bit of a panic about that as cycles are very regular and was using a fertility monitor but the sonographer was great, calmed me down and explained that I could be a couple of days out on ovulation and the baby could just be growing really well. As the last baby measured consistently small, I'm taking this as good news and trying to enjoy it. Also, as it measured 11+4, she did a couple of checks for me and did the NT measurement, which was very low. I've got the proper nuchal scan next week but it feels like a massive relief!

MaryAngela, I hope all going well with you! Thanks for the support to everyone, so reassuring to know you've all been there and had good outcomes.


LittlePoot Thu 14-Mar-13 12:47:14

Fantastic news! That is such a relief. And hopefully means you won't be a quivering wreck when it comes to your 'real' nuchal scan. Great stuff! x

cherrybug Thu 21-Mar-13 12:07:13

Hello folks.

Just popping in as I try to do from time to time to say hello and a big congratulations to Katie for the arrival of Seth! What lovely news to see! And brill name too. Hope you are both doing very well.

Also congratulations to Maryangela, Pizdets & Japp on your pregnancies and I hope they are straightforward. Hurdle by hurdle is the way I think and like Ghislaine, I kind of kept myself in denial a bit until after the 20 week scan. Wishing good things for all of you. Everyone on here understands completely so it's a good place to be.

Flower - hope going back to work is ok and you enjoy the balance. I feel like going to work is actually a bit of a break! But thats because I have a very energetic and feisty nearly 5 year old to deal with :-)

All good here, Kade is now 16 months old and it doesn't seem like two minutes since I was on here almost daily, worrying and getting wonderful support from everyone. Its lovely to log on and see so many are still here, still being generally wonderful and giving much needed support to those who have arrived more recently.

I will continue to log on periodically because I definately dont want to miss Kittens announcement when it comes - when will that be? cant be long now - exciting!!

love to all, Cherry

mrsbigz Mon 25-Mar-13 19:30:00

Hello!! I know I'm a bit of a stranger these days but like cherry I do pop in from time to time and see how you're all doing, and wanted to say a huge congrats to Katie on the safe arrival of Seth grin
And am gutted as I believe I've missed your meet-up by about a week!? Damn you work for working me so hard at the moment!!
I'm good, Callum is 14months now and just recovering from bronchiolitus (bless him) but luckily didn't need to be hospitalised. And Eve's 2nd anniversary is in Saturday which I'm dreading slightly.
So - sorry for no personals I'm just having no time - dh and I pass like ships in the night as I work mon-thurs and he works fri-sun!!!!
Will try and catch up soon xxxxx

Havingkittens Wed 03-Apr-13 10:11:27

Pizdet, how was your Nuchal/Harmony test?

Gosh, it seems to have gone so quickly since you both had your little ones, Cherry and Mrsbigz!

No news here so far. Got a week to go today. I went for a sweep yesterday but apparently my cervix was too far back and the midwife couldn't reach it. So, clary sage in the bath, raspberry leaf tea on tap, etc etc. for now. More acupuncture on Saturday - which is nice, but it didn't seem to have any effect on any of the things she targeted last week which were rampant heartburn, achey joints, lower back pain and bringing on labour. I guess one treatment isn't enough. I just hope the baby decides to come before they induce me next wednesday!

Wanted to check how Ghislaine is getting on after our meet up too?

Pizdets Wed 03-Apr-13 17:13:40

Hi Kittens,

Thanks for asking. I've been struggling a bit recently and annoyed with myself. The FMC nuchal was great, odds of 10,000+ for everything so despite the fact they can't give us odds for the specific deletion we had, it's a good sign and trying to accept that it's probably OK.

However I had a scan on my cervix last week (have had LEEP or whatever it's called in the past, plus a very late surgical termination last year) and they found my cervix is too short, so I'm booked in for a stitch to be put in on Friday. Just feels like if it's not one thing, it's another, and I start to wonder why I'm even putting myself through all this. There's so much horrible stuff gone on over the last year I can't even really begin to think about having an actual baby at the end. Any words of wisdom (or kicks up the bum!) would be appreciated. sad

Fingers crossed for you for a quick and easy labour over the next few days and hope you all had a nice meet up and are doing well.


LittlePoot Wed 03-Apr-13 21:18:52

Oh piz-I'm sorry you're having a tough time. On a practical note, one of my Nct group had had to have a stitch and it worked fine-she'd had a very late miscarriage in the previous pregnancy but this was simple and effective and her now two year old and mine are perfectly healthy little troublemakers.

But the mental bit is much more of a struggle. Honestly, I think I'd recommend speaking to your midwife and seeing if there's any counselling you can get. I actually had a really lovely third pregnancy (after the first two ended badly) but never did get my head round the fact there was a baby coming at the end. So much so I got massive PND when he did arrive and was fortunately rescued by the emergency psyche team before it got too out of hand. If I do decide to try for a second, I'll be loading up on counselling and support services to help make sure it doesn't happen again. You've been through such a lot and might really help to have someone to let it all out to. Maybe I'm way off, but have a think about it. I'd never considered it before, but am banking on it if I get there a second time.

In the meantime, just take things one step at a time and focus on the fact its great news to have such fantastic risk stats from your scan and that you're being closely monitored to minimise future risks. Xxx

PS-thinking of you kittens! Rushing about and climbing stairs seemed to set mine off...

PPS-and you ghislaine.

Havingkittens Wed 03-Apr-13 23:28:16

Sorry to hear you've got further stress going on Pizdets. I hope your midwife can reassure you as far as the cervical stitch is concerned. There are lots of cases of this being successful, so hopefully all will be well for you.

I'm quite a good example of hope after grimness! Although I'm often wary of posting my history in case it makes others worry they will have similar experiences. I'm now 43. Started TTC at 37, miscarried my first pregnancy at 10.5 weeks, 2nd & 3rd pregnancy both had v high nuchal measurements and were confirmed TS21 so terminated both pregnancies, miscarried a further 3 pregnancies over the course of a year, had investigations for miscarriage causes which NHS turned up no clues. Ended up having tests for high NK Cells, privately, and learned they were very high which pointed to the fact that my immune system was too aggressive and rejecting my pregnancies. Then, after getting pregnant within 1-3 cycles each time ended up taking 18 months to get pregnant and had to have private treatment to stimulate ovulation as well as treatment to suppress my immune system.

So, 6 years later and a few thousand pounds lighter I am now a week away from giving birth!

I am a little like Littlepoot in that, after all that, I still haven't quite got my head around the fact that there's going to be an actual baby arriving. I have given consent and active encouragement to my midwife to assess my psychological state following the birth, particularly as I also lost my mum just over a year ago amidst all of this. I have had counselling following my terminations and also bereavement counselling for the last year (which was more comprehensive than just dealing with my mum's death) so fingers crossed, although there will be some sadness about my mum not being here to share this time with me it will be just that, sadness, not depression.

Pizdets Thu 04-Apr-13 09:05:13

Littlepoot, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm really worried about PND. I've never had any kind of mental health issues at all but there was a stage last year after the termination where I really struggled to get out of bed and I think I was depressed. I think the ladies at the prem clinic were a bit concerned by my reaction (doesn't help the prem clinic is in the Fetal Medicine Unit where we had all our scans and bad news last year) and did suggest a bereavement midwife but it kind of got lost in the conversation. I'll try and follow it up tomorrow or in a couple of weeks when I see the midwife next.

I'm pleased you got the help you needed and feel better about it all now.

Kittens, your story is so inspiring, you must be such a strong person to keep going through all of that! I'm so happy for you that you have got to where you ought to be in the end. I did have counselling/therapy for a few weeks when I was at my lowest but it didn't really do much for me. I felt like she wanted to focus on the fact my family live overseas the whole time, which makes things harder but isn't exactly the root of my problems! Maybe a nice chat with a mumsy bereavement midwife would be less challenging and more comforting.

It doesn't help that my husband is so optimistic and keeps saying things like 'once we get to 20 weeks we can relax and enjoy it all' or 'we're never going to complain once the baby arrives, we'll just be so happy to have got there, everything will seem wonderful'. I feel like I'm a killjoy but he's setting us up for a fall!

Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to rant and for the advice. Also great to hear a woman in your NCT had a stitch Littlepoot, makes me feel much better to hear success stories!


PS - Kittens, fingers still crossed hard for next few days.

LittlePoot Thu 04-Apr-13 16:21:34

Oh dear lord Piz - that's not a rant. You should read back through the threads - there are some real doozies (including plenty from me and kittens....). And this little space is here for exactly that - hopefully there's always someone around to help. x

Your poor husband - trying his best to be positive and put a manly brave face on things when if you're anything like me, that's the last thing you need! They try their best don't they, but my husband never really felt the lasting effects of all our problems in the same way I did. Probably for the best - two of us moping about would have been a nightmare. As for PND, my advice would be not to worry about it - just be aware of it and if you're worried it's happening then don't be afraid to get some help. Bereavement-style counselling is probably more what could help you right now - my first go at counselling was not all that useful either, but did at least give me a chance to go through everything together. I just remember the counsellor being surprised at how angry I was about things - of course I was angry - isn't that a known stage in bereavement?! None of it was fair, other people around me got to sail through pregnancies with no problem - what's not to be cross about? I think a specialist bereavement midwife would be much better equipped to see how you're feeling and just gently steer you through.

Come on little kittens - time to make an appearance! xxx

ghislaine Mon 08-Apr-13 14:56:09

Hello everyone - back from holiday and good to see some familiar faces popping back in and special hello to Pizdets, sorry to hear things are not going smoothly but hopefully this is just a bump on the road to destination healthy baby. I'm glad to hear that you are going to get in touch with a bereavement midwife. I think that might have helped me - I emailed the ones at my hospital and was ignored which made me feel really judged, as if I didn't deserve to be bereaved because I'd chosen to end my pregnancy.

So the news from me, as some of you know from our meet-up, is that I'm pregnant again. I'm currently 10w. A couple of weeks ago I had a private consultation with a fetal medicine consultant to help me decide about whether to take the Harmony test. Short version: probably not. Long version: I can have a scan at 11w (that's next week - eek) and cvs on the same day and have definitive results for the major trisomies before the Harmony results are back. Another factor swaying my decision, and a piece of information that gave me quite a jolt, was that my T21 risk is now 1:43 which is more than twice what it was when I had Charles. So even going into the scan, my risk of miscarriage from cvs is less than half my risk of carrying a baby with T21. Plus I couldn't get a guarantee from the consultant that the Harmony results would be 100% accurate for T21, only 99% (and of course less for the others). It really plays on my mind that I might be the 1% and then I could be facing an even later termination which is a big fear of mine. My thinking has become very apocalyptic about such things. Peace of mind is really what I need.

Just generally, I was told that a big Harmony trial is starting at UCLH later this year with a view to introducing it into the NHS....

C'mon babykittens! <crochets furiously>

Havingkittens Mon 08-Apr-13 22:39:38

So glad to hear all is well with you ghislaine. I think I would do the same as you in your shoes. I wasn't told an "estimated" risk as such, but it would've been much higher given that I was 38 when I had my last TS21 pregnancy and 42 when I had my Nuchal at FMC and also that my risk was 10% higher due to having had it happen to me twice and still this one had the all clear so fingers crossed all is good for you too.

So far I've had acupuncture on Sat, a sweep on Sunday and will be having another sweep tomorrow and they will make an appointment for my induction by the end of the week if that doesn't work. Had a terrible night of niggles, shooting pain up my cervix, sciatica, hardly any sleep, woke up choking on my own vomit and had a nose bleed last night. All very delightful pregnancy symptoms! Will be quite pleased to reclaim my body, I must say. I think my first breakfast will be a fried egg sandwich grin.

BTW, babykitten is my OH's nickname for me. I shall have to hand it down to my successor!

LittlePoot Wed 10-Apr-13 07:35:11

Yes-I was desperate for some stinky blue cheese and some runny boiled eggs by the end. Hope the sweep does the trick and I have the pompoms at the ready.... x

cherrybug Wed 10-Apr-13 19:40:24

Hello all - just popping in.

Kittens - eek - any day now! Wonderful! How are you feeling about the possible induction? I was induced due to obstetric cholestasis with both my DD and DS - not what you hope for (I had dreams of a dimly lit water birth) but it all went straightforward for me and they were both born without any other intervention. Very quickly too! Best of luck.

Ghislaine - I'm really happy to read your news too and I know all the decisions and possibles are so difficult. I hope whatever you decide brings you the peace of mind you need to relax in your pregnancy.

Piz - sorry to read you've something else to worry about with the stitch. I hope the procedure is okay and you can relax soon. Great you have such good odds - an actual baby is hard to imagine isnt it in the early days - I felt the same when I was pregnant with my DS. But he/she will become a reality before you know it I'm sure. (I hope I dont sound like your husband too much wink)

Love to everyone else x

Pizdets Thu 11-Apr-13 11:43:54

Hi Guys,

Well the surgery went as well as could be expected and I'm feeling pretty good now. Slightly gutted about not being able to swim during my pregnancy as I'm quite an active person but I've been told I'm allowed to take the dog out for walks as long as I take it steady, so at least I'll get plenty of fresh air.

Ghislaine, I'm so sorry your bereavement midwife never got back to you - how awful for someone in need to reach out and be ignored by the people supposed to help! And huge congrats on your new pregnancy, that's lovely news. We didn't have the Harmony test at FMC in the end either but I found them so much more reassuring and professional than the NHS, well worth the money!

Kittens, hoping for some good news from you soon!

LittlePoot and Cherrybug, I actually feel much, much better now the operation is out of the way. I think I just found it very hard to deal with a setback and assume the pregnancy would continue, so I'd kind of seen it as a full stop. Coming out the other side and still being pregnant is a very welcome sensation! I've got my 16 week midwife appointment next week and I might raise the idea of the bereavement midwife then if I get upset again, but it's amazing what a few days clear run will do!

Thanks again to everyone for your support, means a lot!


LittlePoot Fri 12-Apr-13 13:44:35

Come on little kittens! Time to come out to play!

Glad all went well piz and great that you're feeling brighter. Counselling our chatting to bereavement midwives will continue to be available so if you feel it wouldn't help right now, you can always change your mind later-always good to know there's a back up plan just in case. But fingers crossed for a bit of plain sailing now.

And sounds like you're making a sensible decision ghislaine-do let us know how you get on with your scan and cvs.

Hello cherry and everyone else! Xxxxx

NumptyMum Sat 13-Apr-13 14:16:38

Kittens - old-time lurker here, popping by to say I'm looking out avidly for your next post! and thinking of you this weekend, hoping all is going well...

xx NumptyMum

LittlePoot Sun 14-Apr-13 07:05:36

(Nervously pacing and checking for news of little kitten feet....)

Hello numpty! Hope all's well. x

katiecubs Sun 14-Apr-13 11:05:55

Joins LP and Numpty with pom poms Go Kittens!! Can't wait to hear your news.

Piz so sorry you have been having such a worrying time, haven't checked in for a while so was just catching up. Glad the surgery went well and you are feeling better smile

Cherry and MrsB thanks for the congrats. Seth is 8 weeks now and very lovely and smiley. Felix absolutely hates him though and is just getting worse not better - he can't even stand for him to be in his line of sight. Yesterday he had a meltdown because Seth was looking at the TV when he was watching Fireman Sam which is apparently not allowed [confised]

Havingkittens Mon 15-Apr-13 15:20:27

Hello, just a quickie from me as we've just got home from the hospital and I'm trying to return messages, get a bath in, have a nap etc before family visitors pop by.

Our little boy, Alfred (Alfie to his friends, or Fred if he fancies it) was born at 7.30 yesterday morning after a very fast and furious 4.4hr labour following induction. Not much pain relief to speak of, even though I really could've done with it. There just wasn't time! But, as the consultant who came to say hello this morning said "Labour is not really fun so you might as well get it done quick, like ripping off a plaster!"

I'm just taking it all in at the moment. I can't believe he's here!

LittlePoot Mon 15-Apr-13 17:14:03


Congratulations kittens and welcome to the thread Alfie! So happy for you sweetie and glad it was quick. Just rest and gaze and keep him going while you work out what else to do with him. Well done you!!


ShangriLaLaLa Mon 15-Apr-13 17:45:19

Oh goodness Kittens, how fab is this? You are a total star and I'm one teary old timer!

Welcome to the world, gorgeous Alfie. You are a lucky boy to have such a brilliant Ma. xx

cherrybug Mon 15-Apr-13 19:18:27

Well I've been having a bit of an emotional day today and this news has set me off again! Kittens, I'm so delighted for you, how wonderful! Welcome to the world wee Alfie! Your labour sounds just like mine was and yes I was pretty grateful for the speed of it! Hope you recover well and enjoy these early days with your new little man. Yay!!! Cherry x

ghislaine Mon 15-Apr-13 20:14:38

Hooray for kittens, mr kittens and little baby Alfiekittens!

Absolutely wonderful news, hope by now you three are all snuggled up together and getting to know each other.

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