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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4(801 Posts)
Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:
Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird George 24/07/11
Sarahmia baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
Just wanted to add a huge congratulations to Bezzyk, and to your DH for playing midwife!!! Hope you are all settling in well.
Mrsbigz, wishing the time past so Callum can come home with you. Glad the feeding is going well
Hope all you other lovely ladies are well? Sienna is now 4 1/2 months old, rolling, teething, babbling and generally making day times so much more fun. The girls are still in love with her as are we. Just wish we could all shift this rotten winter cold.
Oops just posted this on the old thread so here we go again. Super intro natz - i feel so incredibly proud to have been part of this thread
Ahh Bezzy what a wonderful story - you brought a tear to my eye then! So happy for you all!
Congrats also to Bluecat. Just take each day at a time, easier said that done i know but coming on here is a great support.
Good luck with your appointment Kittens - let us know how it goes?
All good here, Felix is WIRED - like a wind up toy on acid! He is uber determined, impatient, short tempered and down right stubborn but also the happiest little guy in town Oh and commencing TTC in the not too distant future!
Lovely introduction Natz - looking forward to seeing the list grow and grow. Sounds like you're hoping to help with that then Katie?! Not sure we're quite ready to relive those first few newborn weeks just yet. I know its well worth it in the end, but I value my sleep too much to TTC again for a while! Glad to hear Felix is doing well. I could describe Jacob pretty much the same way. They're funny to watch aren't they? Fascinating to watch how they learn to do stuff. Jacob's developed his own special way of moving around on his belly or kneeling up and 'walking' on his knees. No interest in proper crawling and very little interest in standing up or walking like the rest of us. Who knows where that came from, but he's happy. Sounds like Sienna's doing really well too Natz, well done! And lovely that your older girls are joining in.
Anyway, I only stopped in to bookmark the thread from the sparkly new laptop I treated myself to yesterday, so I'd better get back to the washing up.... Hope everyone else is well and hope kittens gets on ok. xxxxx
What a lovely long list! I hope it provides some reassurance to those about to embark or currently on the scary journey of pregnancy. And it will be lovely to see that list grow and grow as it undoubtedly will.
Congratulations Bezzy, what a fab birth story! I hope you're enjoying these early days with your new little lady.
MrsBigz - sounds like your wee man is coming on leaps and bounds. Great to hear. Will look forward to your post when you announce his homecoming. Hopefully not very far away.
Ghislaine - glad the end is in sight re your parents! How is everything going?
Congratulations to Bluecat. I remember you from the sister thread and it's lovely to see you here. I know it's scary but we are all here to handhold and reassure when we can.
All good here. Kades doing great, still mellow and mega cute. Feeding going well which Im delighted with after the problems I had with DD. Still doesn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time but I don't really mind!
Hi to everyone else!
Ha LP - know what you mean about the sleep. If we are lucky enough to have another baby though i feel confident that i could get through it this time IYSWIM. Jacob sounds awesome - would be great to get them together again now they are a bit older so let me know if you are ever down this way.
Hi cherrybug - glad Kade is doing well, jealous of his mellowness!! Felix has a little sofa thing of his own and when i say 'relax' he goes and flops back on it and say's 'ahhhhh' but only for 3 seconds at a time, he doesn't quite get the concept of relaxing yet . Well done with the feeding xx
Marking my place on the new thread. I love the "list of hope", may this thread continue to offer support and comfort!
Congratulations Bluecat, day by day, it's the only way forward. And Bezzy, oh my God, what a birth story! Congratulations, and I hereby declare that your DH will no longer be Captain C(ondom), but Captain M(idwife)!
Katie, so now we're all watching this space I loved your description of Felix, he sounds a lot like Coffeebean, who is however not short tempered (yet), but I can see this coming. He just doesn't stop, ever, and man, the "talking"... he is so smiley and just points at everyone when we're out and about, then grins at them when he gets their attention. I can't believe he's one next week, it's bittersweet, where did the newborn days go? At the same time, so exciting to see him grow and understand more.
Today it's 2 years since we lost Silvia and I can't believe we are in such a different place than last year, when I was hoping and praying I'd bring a healthy baby home! I am sad, but it's a different sadness, a settled one, an accepting one. I can't imagine my life without my little boy, and this makes it easier to accept what was before.
I am rarely posting these days, but I am reading and thinking of you all. I wonder where Mishta and Cantdo are, I hope all is well.
sorry for the very short post but just wanted to let you all know that Callum is BACK HOME!!!!!! we got
released discharged yesterday late afternoon so have had a whole day back together as a family. He seems to have settled in well, and feeding is still going well (although am doing on demand rather than the scheduled every 3 hrs they have in SCBU!). DS1 and 2 are being really cute with him - keep wanting to stroke his head and/or kiss him - which melts my heart! thanks for all the support you ladies have given me, both through this pregnancy and also the past 5 weeks with his early arrival. can't believe he's 4 weeks old today!!?
will be back soon for a proper personals post, but just thought you'd all like to know the latest update xxxxxx
Very fleeting post as trying to
wrestle put the kids to bed.
Congratulations Mrsbigz! So glad Callum is finally home. Lovvely to hear how well he has settled in and am very happy the breast feeding is going well.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you, I hope yesterday was not too bad. I think every anniversary will be sad, but as you say, a different kind of sad. I look at Sienna sometimes and wonder if everything with Cara was just a really bad dream. I was thinking about Cara yesterday and thinking about what life would have been like if she had been able to be with us, and I realised that we would not have had Sienna if she had. Not that that makes loosing Cara any better, but I am so thankful for Sienna and just couldn't imagine our family without her in it.
Big wave to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you lots xx
Hello all, I haven't posted on here for ages. I have been lurking occasionally though. I just came on to say Thankyou all for your wonderful support since 2009. Without you I think mentally I would have been in a much worse space.
I have just finished a set of counseling sessions and feel like things have really moved on for me. (Sorry, this is sounding so selfish). The reason for my post is to thank you all... as stated above!
Without you lovely, supportive, non-judgmental, open, kind and wonderful ladies getting to where we are now would have been much harder. DH and I have decided to finish our family chapter and we have an appointment on the 28th of this month for his vasectomy. I hope this doesn't come across as weird but I am posting it here to show that there is hope for everyone. We had a whole raft of issues and managed to overcome them to get to a point whereby we feel happy (wrong word but not sure what to replace it with) and in control of our fertility and family making choices again.
Must dash, littlestar is currently tackling bigger star to get at a toy. Waves to all.
This is the first time I post in this thread. I had a termination in december because of a chromosomal abnormality. Just a few days ago I got a positive pregnancy test. I'm happy of course but I can't help worrying. The abnormalities were not hereditary but I'm worried already anyway. If I'm in week 4 now CUB and CVS is several weeks away, how can I stop worrying in the meantime?
hi glad to see the new thread. I too feel like I have moved on massively since I joined the last thread - allstar we are in a similar place to you and dh is awaiting the snip! I am both sad and pleased at the same time.
Hello linn welcome to the thread. I dont think you will be able to help worrying through this pregnancy to be honest. I personally tried to blot out all thought of 'having a baby' and just thought of it as a pregnancy as much as was possible. I didn't dream or think about how it would be when the baby was out and found it hard to consider what sex it might be. I suppose that helped me to not bond too much in the womb in case it happened again. I also tried to take it a step at a time but sometimes that's easier said than done. If possible I suppose you can enjoy the fact that the conception bit is out of the way.
Hope everyne is well. congratulations on getting callum home. x
A very quiet congratulations! I agree with Manitz, you probably wont stop worrying throughout this pregnancy. I had a termination in Sept 2010 due to a heart defect which meant baby would not survive, and she also had Turners Syndrome, both of which were just bad luck and unlikely to reoccur in future pregnancies. It was my 3rd pregnancy and the problems were detected at the 12 week scan so the termination was just 3 weeks later.
I fell pregnant again in Jan 2011 and throughout my entire pregnancy there was very few days that I didn't worry about one thing or another with regards to the pregnancy and our baby. Our gorgeous little girls was born 4 days late on the 26th Sept. Compared to my first two pregnancies, our 4th was by far the most stressful, for no other reaon than the fact we had experienced the loss of our 3rd baby.
I didnt tell anyone other than DH and GP in real life that I was pregnant - I told the ladies on this thread straight away for moral support! Nobody knowing IRL made it easier to carry on as normal and even occassionally forget that I was pregnant. With 2 older children it was easy to keep myself occupied and busy.
I hope the wait for your scan goes quickly and smoothly. Keep us posted and pop on here as much as you feel you need/want to, we all know what you're going through x
Hello all, rubbish day here! Just been made redundant bit crap timing soon as we have just bought a house and are hemorrhaging money on all the building work it needs before we move in (whilst also paying rent on our flat as well as the new mortgage!) and also considering we are going to start TTC next month. ho hum.
Linn- welcome! like the others have said i don't think there is much you can do to stop the worry but i hope the long list of thread babies helps a bit coming on here for some hand holding is also a big help.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you. Coffee bean sounds exactly like Felix who is also a crazy smiley thing.
Mrsbigz - super news you are out of hospital with Callum - keep enjoying that lovely cuddly stage, oh gosh am getting so broody!
Allstars - hi, thanks for the lovely post and lovely to hear from you
Kittens - how you doing? did your appointment go well? xxx
Lots of love to everyone else xxx
especially hello to cherrybug, natz, ghislaine, manitz, and mrsbigz. I have often thought about you all and wondered how you were getting on, its been nice to catch up reading on here. I was begining to think I would never make it over here. But I got my BFP on my third cycle of clomid. I had a scan yesterday so its all feeling very real as got to see the heartbeat as 7 weeks. Now trying not to worry too much on what seems like a long road till 12 weeks.
love to everyone xx
Oh Flower!!!!! i just popped on and this message has completely made my day!! many congratulations - it is SOO lovely to see you over here, i've often wondered how you are getting on, yet feel awkward posting on the sister thread sometimes. Hope the time passes quickly to your 12wk scan and that you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!
hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals, was only just skim-reading but saw Flowers post and had to respond! xxxx
Flower!!!! I'm SO delighted to see you here. What good news! I know it's early days and you'll be worrying like mad but fingers crossed for a very uneventful pregnancy. Good luck for the 12 week scan.
MrsBigz - great you have your wee fella home, hope he's settling into Chez Bigz well! What an ordeal for you, glad its behind you.
Katie sorry to hear about redundancy. Rubbish! These things often come at the worst time, I got made redundant when I was pregnant with my DD which was awful because it meant no mat pay and I couldnt get another job as I was pregnant. But it all worked out in the end and I'm sure it will with you. Good luck.
Linn - as others have said, lots of handholding here through the journey. Congratulations and take one step at a time.
Kittens - thinking of you and hope your appointment went well.
Natz - glad all is well with your family. I know what you mean about being so thankful for Sienna and not being able to imagine your family without her now. I look at Kade and think how he is a pure joy that has come from such a sorrow. I'm very grateful for him.
Ghislaine - how are you getting on? Have you hung the flags out to herald your parents departure? Hope you're enjoying some peace and quiet now.
All good here, we've finally got around to planning our wedding and have set a date for September. So the pressure is on to lose weight and get organised. Natz - when is your wedding? Are you all prepared?
Hi to Grandj, Babylily, Manitz, Coffee and everyone else. Hope all is well!
A very fleeting stop in (Sienna finally asleep after the evil toothy-pegs have been causing her much pain and discomfort, and they aren't even close to coming through yet!!), just wanted to say a congratulations to Flower!!! Wonderful wonderful news
I hope the wait for the 12 week scan isn't too stressful, I look forward to hearing an update soon enough xxx
Cherry, Congratulations on setting the date! We get married in just over 6 weeks (11th April) and am nowhere near the size/shape I wanted to be but the dress looks lovely and hides my wobbly bottom very well. All prepared other than that!
Katie, so sorry to hear about the redundancy. How rubbish! Hopefully you will be able to find something else quickly. If not, gives you more energy for TTC
Hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals xx
Hi everyone. Congratulations Flower! great news. And Linn, welcome.
It's wedding thread as well as baby thread it would seem! Good luck Natz. What will the girls be wearing to the wedding?
Happy birthday Coffeebean! Can't believe he and Jacob are one already. Where does the time go... and Katie, I'm sorry about the redundancy. Hope you find something soon -and as for ttc, good luck with that too. Exciting you have something to take your mind off the job but appreciate you want/need another one asap so fingers firmly crossed for you!
Good that Callum is home now! He has done so well.
Hi to Allstars; it's been ages... your DS must be nearly two like Babycant. Family complete here, too. I couldn't go through pregnancy again; just the thought of an anomaly scan brings me out in a cold sweat.
Babycant is a real character - never stops talking, even in her sleep. I wonder where she gets that from...
Hi to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you.
WHERE IS MISHTABEL? Thinking of you, too.
Hello all, am new to this thread although I have posted in this topic area before and had huge help and support a couple of month ago when I was struggling with the terrible guilt of a termination for T21 last summer. Am finally expecting DC2 after a rocky road of 2 mmcs and the termination all since DS (who is nearly 2 and a half). We were totally thrilled to get a low risk result from the nuchal tests etc, decided not to have a CVS and are trying to move forward with a smile, having got safely past all the points where we have lost babies in the past. We have finally been able to tell people the news and start to believe it ourselves. I am 41 and have been diagnosed with low fertility so we were not sure we'd ever get to this point.
What I wanted to ask though was about people's reactions to hearing the news. Where people know a bit about what we have been through, I have had mainly very cautious reactions - "oh, okay, er ..." - and I have had to spell it out to people that all is fine and we are happy. It doesn't really matter and I can understand it, but it did take the wind out of my sails the first few times, particularly when we are trying not to worry. Has anyone else had this?
tbh I reacted to my own pregnancy like your friends i found people too optimistic for me if anything and would have to brush aside their reassurances that everything was bound to be alright. guess everyone is different but just try and ignore them and feel how you want. congratulations by the way, rushing b4 battery runs low
Ahh, I've found you all!
Sorry, just paying a fleeting visit, as usual so apologies for lack of personals. Although I did want to say congratulations to Natz and Cherry for your impending nuptuals! Very exciting!
Lovely to hear from Allstars. Glad you are feeling good and settled.
Katie, bugger! You poor thing! What awful timing .
Hello and lots of love to all the rest of you lovely people.
The latest with me is that I have been on my first cycle of Letrozole and Ovitrelle ovulation trigger shot, which is known as "Super Ovulation" treatment. The idea to to try and get 2-3 eggs out a month to give me a better chance to getting a BFP. My consultant didn't even seem that phased by the mention of scarring at my scan. He has put me on a drug, which is actually an HRT drug, to build up my womb lining and it has done the job just fine apparently. I am also using progesterone supplements (suppositories -Mmmmm!) from mid cycle to lengthen my luteal phase. So, all good fun! I've been going through a bad patch recently. The loss of my mum has really just hit me quite badly in the last couple of weeks, which alongside the side effects of all the hormones and steroids are really making me feel pretty miserable. Also my grandma has been getting worse, literally by the day, with her dementia which is also really hard as I am very close to her. This is why I'm not really posting much these days as I am so swamped by all the stuff that's been going on here that I find it hard to keep up with what's going on with everyone else. I feel bad just coming on and banging on about myself and not giving much back.
Hello again, thanks Cant, girls are wearing ivory dresses with burgundy sashes and flower petals in the skirt (BHS kids clothing) and my bigger bridesmaids wearing burgundy satin dresses. Can't wait for the day to be here so I can stop stressing put over everything!
FindingItTricky - congratulations! We had mixed reactions from friends and family which as you said takes the wind out of your sails as the excitement is there for you. We learnt to ignore the negative reactions as it was hard enough trying not to think about the 'what ifs' without others voicing their concerns. I wish you a happy non-eventful pregnancy
Kittens, lovely to hear from you, I'm sorry things are so rough with you at the moment with regards to your nan and dealing withyour grief too. Ambery pleased to hear the treatment is doing what it should though, really hope this leads to a happy announcement soon.
It's the anniversary of Caras due date today, have not found it too bad to be honest. We are going out tomorrow to get a trinket box to put the rose from her funeral in, it's still on the shelf in the dining room untouched since the funeral. The girls are getting bigger and like to examine everything so we have decided to grind it up and keep it in a box. Lit a candle and had a few glasses of wine and thought a lot about her and how far we've come in 17 months.
Off to bed now to welcome in my hangover (get one just from smelling wine these days!)
night all xx
natz i thought you were doing some morning drinking and realised it was a midnight post. i think it's a great idea to have a momento like that of cara.
Kittens Its nice to hear from you but I'm sorry you are not further on in the conception process and that things are tough for you emotionally at the moment. I think the first stage of grief takes about a year (from what i remember from counselling) and it is still very early days for you. I feel Im quite good at the whole grieving thing having lost my sister and various relatives over the years but I cannot imagine losing my mum as it is such a key relationship and i guess that it's a loss you don't ever truly get over. I hope it becomes easier for you to bear over time.
Actually I've been thinking about my sister a lot recently as she was 7 when she was knocked down and 8 when she died (and this was 24 years ago so i suppose it doesn't disappear), my daughters are 7 and 9 and I guess their ages and the fact that I have to let them walk on their own soon/now brings it home a bit I am being as adult and sensible as possible about it all and the oldest is getting her freedom a bit now. x on a lighter note babyman is doing very well and gaining weight although he has dropped way down the chart he is now following the bottom line and is starting on purees etc now.
Hi everyone! Sorry for my absence. All good here, just had ongoing issues with 15yr old DD mainly, which now seem to be sorted. If I start about that now though, this'll end up a mile long, so I'll leave it for another day.
I had sooo much to catch up on..
First and foremost, Kittens, I was so sorry to read about your Mum's passing. I thought of you on Christmas Day, as I have many times since, and reading through, I just can't believe what a rough time of it you've had. I remember in one of my last posts, I assured you we'd be here for you if you needed, and then I go AWOL for a couple of months I'm just glad the other lovely ladies were here for you.
The saying that comes to mind when I think of you is 'Its always darkest before the dawn'. Well your dawn must surely be just around the corner!
As for your Grandma, dementia is probably the one illness where the families of the person affected usually suffer more than the person themselves. I used to work in a dementia-specific unit, and while I loved working there, you'd really feel for the families when they'd come to visit. The confusion and hurt they'd be feeling was almost palpable.
I hope with all my heart (as soppy as that sounds) that baby-wise at least, things turn around for you very soon, although I know it won't take the pain away of losing your mum, and slowly losing your grandma. Everything possible crossed for you here. And PLEASE, don't apologise about the lack of personals. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we understand and are just glad that you keep in touch and us updated on what's happening with you.
Thanks Shangrila and everyone else for the birthday wishes for Bella. Let's just say, she had a very Dora birthday. She is currently a bit annoyed at me because I won't let her cut my hair with her scissors (speaking from experience, safety scissors DO cut hair) so she's cutting Barbie's hair instead. I will have to put an updated photo up on my profile next time I'm on the computer. I thought of you all on her birthday, and how this place was such a support for me when she was ill. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. Would love for us all to have our own FB page to share photos etc
Birthday wishes straight back to your little boy Shangrila if you're reading (did we ever have a 'pet' name for him?), and of course to Franklin. And also for Babycant, whose is just around the corner. Big 1st birthday wishes to Coffeebean and Jacob! Hasn't time just flown?!
Congratulations to all the new mummies! Mrsbigz, so glad all worked out well in the end. You certainly have had an eventful time of it. So glad he's home with you all now.
Ghislaine, on the safe, and, for this thread, uneventful arrival of Charles - although 'uneventful' sounds wrong for such a momentous event as a birth, but I'm sure you know what I mean
Bezzy! What a birth story - I couldn't believe it! Just beautiful, though I'd imagine it must have been quite dramatic at the time. And yes, definitely need a new nn for CaptC
MyAngelAva, what bittersweet timing Isabella's birth was - a gift from Ava xx
Hope I haven't forgotten anyone. Did we hear from Gillian?
A warm welcome to Linn, Flower, FindingItTricky and Bluecat (not positive if you've 'popped in' before or not), and congratulations to you all. No advice on how to get through the early days without worrying, except to keep busy and take it day by day. Actually, I think I worried more as time went on (sorry, not real helpful there). But, worry or not, the days will tick over and eventually you'll get there. This is a great place to unload those worries though, with those that have been there, and understand the madness of it all.
Manitz, that is so sad about your sister - I'm not sure I knew about that before. Without meaning to be nosy, can I ask how old you were at the time? You're right of course, no matter how much time passes, when we lose someone so important to us, it doesn't disappear. Might get easier over time, but never disappears. I think it would be sadder though if it did.
(On a lighter note, we found out a couple of days ago that Bella ISN'T allergic to cocoa, which we thought she might be. At least now she'll be able to have dairy-free Easter eggs this year. So happy )
Katie, so sorry to hear about your redundancy. Hopefully it'll be a case of when one door closes, another door opens. I checked out your wedding photos - just beautiful - you, the setting, the men in your life. Makes me want to get married :D Good luck with the TTC (DH is another on the list for the snip - if he's ever at home long enough to actually have it done)
I'm going to wrap this up now, before it gets any longer, though I'm sure there's lots more I haven't mentioned. A big hello to Cant, Coffee, Natz. Littlepoot and everyone that I haven't mentioned. I do think of you all, especially on a Friday and Sunday night when I'm watching Escape to the Country and 60 Minute Makeover - I love them!
Love to you all, and I promise not to be a stranger in the future xxx
(Apologies for any typos - my phone has a shattered, not just cracked - shattered - screen. Can barely see, though can't bring myself to send it away to be fixed. Sad, I know)
hi there mishtabel nice to hear from you. i was 13 when she was knocked over and she went into a coma with major brain damage and 14 when she died. The only good thing about it was it helped me make my decision when I had my first termination having had a sibling who was very sick. xx
Oh Manitz, I can't imagine how devastating that must have been for you, and your parents. As if teenage years aren't hard enough, to also have to deal with losing your little sister....there are no words really. I only hope that somehow you have felt her with you over the years - probably not coming across as I intend it to, but I hope you know what I mean. Much love xx
hi mishtabel, thanks very much for your sentiments. it was actually 25 years ago so I suppose the anniversary was on my mind but I always forget on the day and it was a long time ago so the old cliche that time heals is true. It was devastating for all of us at the time but the accident was the worst and her continued life beyond the accident made me wish for and believe completely in a need for organisations like dignitas, in the end her death was a relief as there was so little of her left.
And of course I grew up and moved on and it took a while but I think I'm a pretty rounded person now with kids of my own and a great life. My parents will always have it with them but the birth of their grandchildren has helped a lot but i dont think you ever get over it as a parent as you know yourself. I hope I never have to experience it with one of my children but I try not to let it make me too cautious with them but want to let them live a little. love to you too. x
Hi everyone, and special hellos to Flower (hooray for clomid!), Linn and Tricky. Good luck on your pregnancy journey and take heart from the thread babies list.
waves to everyone else Kittens and Katie, I really hope things brighten up for you soon.
We are (I hope!) coming out of a reflux fog, my poor boy has been very grumpy and grizzly during and after feeds and he's none too keen on sleeping either unless he is attached to me or next to me. He doesn't like to sleep during the day for more than 20 mins at a time either! We're both a bit tired... Luckily for him he's rather cute.
My parents' visit ended prematurely when my father took umbrage at the way I reminded him we needed some help (ie I asked him to make me a cup of tea). They packed their bags and stormed out although not before they paid a visit to A&E because my mother had a headache. Drama, much? It was lovely and peaceful once they'd gone!
Hello lovely ladies. Today is the 3rd anniversary of losing my precious baby Daisy (and my baby Amy also has her anniversary next week). I'm feeling a little wobbly...or actually rather like I want to howl, wail and smash things, but there are lots of reasons why I need to keep it together today. But I thought I would pay a little visit to you all here.
I logged on, and what should I see on the intro post? My little boy's birth celebrated! Franklin would not be here if we hadn't had to let Daisy go. He is 2 and 2 months now, and totally adorable. Thank you so much Natz for the lovely list of babies. It is wonderful to see all the names I was so familiar with, that have had bubbas!
My Dd, 5, was asking me about Daisy and Amy the other morning. She asked some really hard questions...how big were they? where did they go? (I tried explaining about spirit, and not 'needing' our bodies when we die...phew) She wanted to know, did I dress them? Where did they lie? And most heartbreaking...where are they now, why couldn't we keep them and why didn't I keep them warm? Sob. I know the questions will come and I try to answer them simply and softly, but it's so hard, especially near the time we lost them.
Thank you for being here, and sending out love and very best wishes to you all.
Oh bless you lins. That must've been very hard. Little ones are so innocent and frank with their questions aren't they? Sending you a big hug. xx
ghislaine, I bet you wish you'd asked for that cup of tea weeks ago don't you? Glad to hear you've got a bit of peace and quiet now.
mishtabel, it's lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear things have been rough for your DD. Is she still having problems with the bullies?
You're right mishtabel, dementia is very hard to watch as your loved one looses their grip on reality day by day. My grandma was a physchotherapist until she retired at 82. We used to call her "The Oracle" because she was the one with all the answers, who seemed to be able to make everything better. Now, when I need her the most, she is slipping further and further away. She has enough lucidiy to want to comfort and look after me in my sadness but not quit enough to be able to much about it. She is nearly 92 though, so obviously it's not a big surprise, just very sad to see her so helpless and not very good timing - although I suspect that's no coincidence.
Manitz - I'm so sorry you had that heartbreak of loosing your sister. It must be very poignant with your children reaching that age that she was when she died. Did you find the counseling helpful? I have just been for an assessment for grief counseling and am hoping they will find me a place in the next few weeks or so. I am a right bloody mess at the moment and I think it's going to be that way for a while, especially with my grandma how she is too.
Well, AF showed up this week so I'm back on the letrozole today. A higher dose this time so hopefully I will get more than one follicle for OH to aim at! Will keep you posted.
Lins, I hope you had a peaceful day yesterday. Your DD's questions are the ones we all ask ourselves - it is hard, I'm not sure I have answers myself, only emotions.
hi there. ghislaine I'm glad you are all back on your own again. Far more relaxing. Lins, although the questions are hard I think it is really good to face up to them so that the girls are always part of your family. I hate the idea that my babies would be dirty secrets. Kittens, I didn't get counselling at the time but about 10 years later I was pointed towards it by a friend when I clearly hadn't dealt with some of the issues. I called cruse and it was great, just over the phone the woman told me about typical grief for loss during the teenage years and the science behind it really helped me out - just knowing I had had a typical reaction helped me resolve some of the anger but it was all with hindsight so I'm not sure if it would have been so useful at the time.
I had some counselling at work following my first termination. It was useful and probably saved my friends from listening to me waffle. The guy just listened really. I think it probably has its place but to me it seems just a tool to help you work things out yourself. It has been more useful talking to /reading about others who have been through similar experiences.
wow - it's been quiet on here (and the sister thread) recently - hope that's a good sign and means everyone is out enjoying this beautiful weather!!
just looking for some handholding really....saturday is the 1st anniversary of the day we lost Eve. i can't believe it has been a whole year - it seems like just yesterday it all happened. If I didn't have Callum here as proof that it must have been at least 9 months (well, ok 7 months in his case) then i wouldn't believe it.
i've spent most of march so far re-living all of the events of last year...the horrendous nuchal, the decisions re: cvs/amnio, the amnio and of course the horrible waiting. and then of course saturday dh and i will go and visit her grave, but i'm hoping that i'll hold it together as he's then off to work for the day and i'll be home alone with the 3 boys. well actually the boys will keep me busy no doubt, but i actually want time to remember her. yet all the time i now look at at callum and realise that had we not lost her, then he would not be here now. sorry, am not making much sense. just wanted to talk to you on here as (typically) everyone IRL who knows, barely ever mentions her now and i doubt remember when her birthday is.
my mum however was a sweetie the other day - she's really into geneology, and asked me whether i would 'mind' if she added Eve onto our family tree.....that really choked me up - of course i didn't mind anyway - i'm babbling now and i've a cute little boy who's wanting a feed, but just wanted to drop in and hope that someone will come along to tell me that what i'm feeling is totally natural! xxxx
Blimey mrsbigz-your mum putting Eve onto your family tree got me choked up too. A fitting reminder. The first anniversary for me was the hard one. The dates and memories are etched on your mind so hard so of course it's natural to be thinking about her and reliving that awful time. For me it's faded dramatically, especially now I've got Jacob. But from what others on here have said, I think I'm unusually detached from my past nightmares. Just my way of dealing with it maybe. But for now, and especially for tomorrow, just hold on that bit tighter to dh and callum, and yourself for that matter. We'll be thinking of you.
just popping in to say hi to Mrsbibz, what you describe sounds totally natural to me. Because you lost eve you have callum, bitter-sweet, if that makes sense.
Thinking of you over this weekend, hugs xx
HI everyone, its been ages since I posted. Ive been very busy and dont know where the time went.
Ghislaine, I cant believe your parents storming off like that. You must have been both annoyed and relieved. Sleep will get better, hang in there (Coffeebean still not sleeping through but its so much better than the early days). He napped on me for the first 4 or 5 months, then went into his cot without any problems. I hope Charles will grow out of his reflux.
Lins, I was actually talking with DH about what we will tell Coffeebean when he starts asking questions about Silvia and why we go to visit her grave. I have no idea, probably a gentle form of the truth is best. Hard though...
Kittens, sending you my love, and as usual my fingers are crossed for you xx
Mrsbigz, I hope the first anniversary was not as bad as you had imagined? I am with Poot on this one, I found the first one much harder than the second one. I was a few weeks pregnant on the first one and I remember visiting Silvias grave and feeling so sad and afraid but so, so hopeful at the same time (and annoyed with myself for allowing myself to feel hope, and guilty for rushing into another pregnancy). I hope the day brought you some peace as well. For me too, the second anniversary was quite a peaceful day, the run up to it worse than the actual day. I remember reading ages ago a post by Shangrila, an old timer <waves if youre reading> , in which she was saying she feeled healed, and thats how I feel now I guess. I cant believe Im in this place now.
Quiet congratulations to Flower, Linn and Tricky, I hope you will find this space helpful.
Big hello to Cantdo, Mishta, manitz, Natz, Katie, Poot and Cherry xxxx
Thanks for the thoughts ladies. To be honest the day was bloody awful as on thurs morning I took Callum into a&e as his cold had got worse and he was working hard to breathe and feed - diagnosed bronchiolitus (although thankfully not the rsv strain which ds2 has when he was about 4 months old) and he was kept in under observation until Saturday thankfully he didn't need any oxygen or a tube fitted). But it meant that Eves anniversary was spent in hospital about 500 yards from where she was born. I couldn't get out to visit her grave as am feeding on demand (& he was doing little and often while so poorly) and SJ was looking after the other boys so I didn't have him with me either. I did however have one very thoughtful friend who knew the situation and who went and visited her grave 'on my behalf' (her baby boy is in the same cemetery) and left a pink teddy - so I was really grateful for that. I spent most the day in tears for her and worry for Callum and guilt about who I should be shedding the tears for!?! Aargh - not how I planned it at all. I've not had a chance yet to go and see her (although we're out of hospital now' as Callum still not 100% but I will as soon as I can.
Sorry for the me post - just had to let this out here xx
Oh poor Callum, and poor you, that sounds awful. It is strange how our babies' lives intersect like that. Your friend sounds brilliant, that was such a thoughtful thing to do. I remember on our first anniversary we didn't make it to the cemetery either (we'd gotten confused about closing times and left it too late). I felt dreadful and cried that I had let the baby down. We did go that weekend though. It's so nice that your friend was able to go and be with Eve while you were with Callum.
And I meant to say earlier that your mum sounds lovely <sniff>.
Mrsb sorry you had such a difficult weekend, hope Callum gets better very soon x
Natz not long till your big day now, hope you have a fantastic day! and Cherry hope the wedding plans are going well.
havingkittens, thinking of you and hope you are getting lots of support in RL.
I had my scan on monday, baby was very wriggly and would not stay still, all is fine and as it should be. We got our results today NT was 1.90 and our combined test risk for downs is 1:2335 which is better than I expected given my age. Now starting to feel more pregnant if that makes sense.
Hello to everyone else xx
Oh flower congratulations! Fantastic news. I bet you can hardly believe it?! I remember getting the letter through with my odds which were similarly amazing and I had to ring them to check they hadn't mixed me up with someone else. And I definitely know what you mean about feeling more pregnant now. You'll probably have another wobble by the time of the next scan, but just enjoy your mini bump and those lovely results. X
Oh well done Flower and baby flower! Are you going to have another scan before your 20 week one?
Hello, been a bit absent, sorry!
Just came on to rather belatedly wish Natz congratulations on her recent nuptuals! Probably/hopefully on honeymoon now but I hope you had a wonderful day!
Great news from Flower too. Congratulations to you too!
So sorry to hear about how the day turned out for you MrsBigz. I hope Callum is on the mend now and that you've managed to get some time to visit Eve's grave. It must've been so hard for you to be there at the hospital on that day of all days, but hopefully Eve was watching over Callum for you making sure he was going to be ok.
Not much to report here. AF just finishing, so embarking on my 3rd cycle of letrozole.
Hope everyone else is doing ok. Katie, have you had any luck finding another job?
Hi there, it's been a year probably since I last posted, but I just wanted to say a big hello to everyone, from down here in Australia.
I ended up moving here mid 2011, with my DS and my (now ex) husband. I am very pleased to be back home in Oz, though I do miss the UK in many strange little ways. It was over 6 years I was in the UK and I had my DS there, so it will always be a huge part of my life.
I am settled back in my home town, got a part-time job and DS is in pre-school (he is 3 now). It is great to be near my family again.
I have had to give up any hopes of having another child, since what happened with my husband. I am 42 now and not in any place to be getting into another relationship. It hurt for a long time but I am at peace with it now. And there is so much else going on (he is taking me to court - long story best left unexplained as probably risking defamation if I go into it!!!
But of course I have my beautiful DS who is just the light of my life. He makes me laugh every day, he's a funny little bugger.
I am glad to see so many more names added to the list of thread babies - congratulations to you all. I remember our meet up in London and trying to put the faces to the names again.
anyway big wave to you all from Mimsy... xxxxx
Oh mimsy-so lovely to hear from you, although I'm really sorry things didn't work out with your husband. I think we last heard from you when things were starting to get bad but I'd hoped for the best. Hope things get smoother for you soon.
Hey kittens my love. Good luck on this cycle. Hope the higher dose drugs are ok and don't give you too many side effects. And hope you're feeling kind of ok. xx
Things are very quiet round here. I guess that means quite a lot of being kept busy by little ones. Hope all's well though. Flower-how are you getting on?
Just a quick fly by visit to wave hello to all. Wedding was fantastic, emotional and just perfect. Am happily married and have been for nearly a week now!
Will read back and do a proper post soon xxx
Hi everyone! Been quite a while since I've been on. Have been having some scary health issues over last few months and am waiting to see a neurologist. So have been really preoccupied and worrying myself sick. Hopefully it'll be ok, we will see.
Congratulations Natz!! Glad you had a wonderful day, hope you all had a great time. I'm sure the girls all enjoyed every minute. Have you managed a honeymoon?
Yay Flower, great news! I'm so pleased you've got such great results. When is your 20 week scan? Hope you're feeling ok and enjoying pregnancy as much as possible.
Kittens hope your next cycle goes well and hope time is helping a little after the loss of your mum.
Mimsy, I think I may have joined around the time you left, I remember reading posts from you. Sorry you've had a rough time lately.
How is everyone else? It has been quiet hasn't it! Hope not because everyone is knackered! Kade is almost 6 months and still doesn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. I'm hoping he'll get better once we start solids otherwise it's sleep training. Have bought No Cry Sleep Solution in preparation.
Right, DD is thrusting bedtime story book at me so must go - hi to all and hope everyone, bumps and babies are doing well!
Cherry sorry you are having a difficult scary time, hope things work out with your investgations, and Kade starts letting you get more sleep.
Natz Congratulations, glad you had a FAB wedding.
Kittens hope everything works well with your next cycle.
I'm doing ok, the sickness is now wearing off, and I'm getting used to my changing body. its all new to me, I've never been this pregnant before. I have my 20 week scan when I'm exacatly 20 weeks on the 23rd of may, see the consultant then but that is because I had fertility treatment so been refered back to him. Hospital and midwife have just reiterated last time was a horrible one off, so they dont see any extra concerns.
hello to poot, Mrsbigz, Ghislaine and everyone, hope things are going well.xxx
hi natz congrats on the wedding. mimsy it's nice to hear from you though I am also sorry that you were unable to work things out. I was wondering how you are and I'm glad you got to go home.
Cherrybug, I don;t know what's wrong with you but when i had ds I also found a lump on my neck and it took a year to sort out. it was a huge single nodule on my thyroid - i was absolutely paranoid the whole year and it was horrific. I think it's even worse when you have all the hormones flooding your system too. I hope you get some answers soon.
Kittens good luck with the next cycle.
All well here and am really busy. sacha is weaning and really strengthening up. x
just a quick visit from me i'm afraid - always seem to have a babe on my boob and i'm not too good at writing one-handed!!!
Hi Mrs Natz, congrats on your wedding - glad you had a wonderful day and are enjoying married life
Cherry, sorry to hear you've had a health scare, i hope that it is resolved soon and you can stop worrying, and that Kade starts giving you some sleep time!!
Flower - SO happy for you that everythings going well with your pregnancy - your 20wk scan will be here in no time?! glad the sickness is fading now and hope you're enjoying the new pregnant you xxxxx
Kittens, hope you're doing ok and this cycle works out for you x
waves to everyone else
just wanted to let you all know something - remember Callum was diagnosed with a CCAM while in utero (picked up at the 20wk scan) - well he had a CT scan in Oxford last month, and we had the results through last week and there was NOTHING to be seen on the scan at all!?!!! Consultant said it was one of those cases where the condition just rights itself. In fact had he be born at term it would have probably not have been seen at all - but because he was early they were chest x-raying him every couple of days. So that's a huge relief (though if you heard him when he cried you'd know there's not much wrong with his lungs haha!)
he's now 15wks old (though 6weeks adjusted) and we're just starting to get the first smiles.....aaaaarrrrrrr!!! x
Fabulous news mrsbigz, gosh you must be so relieved. I am so happy to hear that, you certainly deserve some good news after what you've been through.
Congratulations Natz, although you must already feel very married by now... I am bit behind with my personals. Mimsy, I am sorry things didn't work out, I hope you have lots of support in RL. Same for you Cherry, I hope you are well suported and that things are ok now?
As for us, my little Coffeeboy is 15 months, walking and "chatting" all day. As usual, sorry for lack of personals, I've had very little time to come in here lately. I wish we could meet up again though, that would be so lovely! Sending lots and lots of positive vibes to Kittens. I wonder how our founding members are - Cantdo, Mishta, Numpty, a big wave to you all!
It's so quiet here. And I keep forgetting to check in. I guess it's a good sign if people don't need to talk/have support. But I do think of you all.. Great news, Mrs Bigz. And how can Coffeebean be a toddler already? No longer a baby...
Babycan't is 2 now. How can that be? And do you know, I missed the third anniversary of the due date of my first lost baby last week. I just forgot. Which feels weird, too. But good, too, I guess. I am trying not to feel guilty, as that would be, well, pointless, really. I feel I have moved on - I'm not, in my own eyes, someone who has lost two babies - even though I have - the lost babies have turned me into who I am now, the parent I am now, for better or for worse.
I would love to hear everyone's news. Much love to you all.
Wow, Cantdo, Babycant is 2... although Toddlercant is more appropriate now. I am asking myself the same question, how can that be? I am sometimes looking at Coffeebean (but a bean he is not) and asking myself when he did grow into this funny little boy?!
I don't know if you remember but I also forgot Silvia's due date last year... I did feel awfully guilty, but at the same time it must be because this date is not as significant, for me, as the date she was born. And I feel that I have moved on, but as you say her loss is now part of who I am. At the same time, I want a second DC (eventually!) and I still have some anxiety inside.
Anyway, I'll cross this bridge when I come to it. I just wanted to say hello, really, and it's good to hear from you.xxxx
Funny how quiet this thread is at the moment. I quite often check but never seem to have enough time to actually post.
Cherrybaby doing grand but not taking to the solids at all. It's a real surprise as he seems so interested in watching us eat and so I really thought he'd be ready. DD took to solids no bother but he's a different story. Just doesnt seem to want to eat. I was hoping once he started solids he'd sleep a bit better so it's frustrating! Still feeding him at least 3 times during the night and the little monkey wont sleep in his cot. I looked back at DD's baby book and she first slept through at 10 weeks! Just shows how different they all are. Anyway not too stressed about it but hope he'll get his appetite for food soon. Makes life much easier when you can placate them with a rice cake!
Health wise I'm still waiting to see specialist. But trying not to worry too much.
Flower - hope all good with you and you're enjoying your pregnancy. What is your due date?
Ghislaine, Mrs Bigz, Manitz, Babylily, Grandj, Myangelava - if you're reading, hope you and your babies are well. MrsBigz - great news about your little one.
Kittens - hope 2012 is improving for you and you're doing ok?
Coffee/Can't - I forgot Leilas due date this year too. It passed me by. I dont feel it's a significant date for me really and feel much more emotional about the day she was born. Again though it feels less painful and more manageable now, though like you is a part of me. I'll never forget her and carry her with me. Coffee, I can understand the anxiety about doing it all again. Once you've been through that, pregnancy loses its innocent optimism. Perhaps next time though, once over the scan hurdles, you'll truly be able to relax and believe all will be well.
Natz - hope you're enjoying married life! I'm faffing about not really doing anything about the wedding and really need to get a move on. My task this week is to contact some dressmakers about the dress. I'm back to work in June so will have even less time to get things done!
Love to all
I've been holding back posting this, especially when it sounds like people are moving on.
I feel like I'm going backwards a bit. I found pregnancy not too bad mentally (apart from the obvious fears of something going wrong, right up until the last minute). But now my son is here I am struggling with how I feel sometimes. I love him intensely, and he delights me. I'm so happy watching him grow and develop. When he smiles I feel like sunshine explodes in my heart. But now I also have these feelings of "what if" - how would I have felt about my first baby? What would he have looked like? Like my son, but with down syndrome? How would I have reacted as a mother to him? At the time of the termination I never had any doubts, even though it was an awful time. But now I'm questioning myself. It's really hard to explain how I feel. I know I did the right thing at the time.
Ghislaine, I am spared those questions mostly because my babies had fatal conditions, which makes the 'what ifs' less compelling. But a friend of a friend has a little girl exactly the age my first lost child would be (just three) and of course my first child didn't have a condition that is always fatal (Turners), although it was in our case (and sadly is in many). Anyway I don't see this child very often but when I do, I imagine my missing child, only mine would have had (a non-fatal case of) Turner's, and I wonder what she would have been like. It's very fleeting though - I can't explain it - it's more like a passing wonder, rather than a concrete thought process or even a deep sorrow. Not sure how to express it. I have no points of comparison for my second lost child (I happen not to know children that age) and I find I remember her as she was when I gave birth to her at 20 weeks, rather than as she might be now.
But sometimes it occurs to me that I will always be accompanied by faint, passing shadows of the babies I briefly carried, and of lives that could have been. And it's almost comforting, actually, in a funny way. I should think you will feel that way too - I guess part of having your son is that he has both given you incredible joy and somehow also shown you more acutely what you lost with your first baby.
Coffee, I bet Coffee isn't such a teeny bean any longer! Interesting to hear you tentatively mention another baby. I should imagine the pregnancy anxiety never really goes away but must be less harsh than last time around. Did Katie start ttc again, or did I dream it?
Cherry, good luck with the wedding plans. Exciting. Can you tell us about the dress? As for the food thing, I think babies all do it at their own pace, not ours. I can imagine you want him to start eating though! I guess you just have to keep offering and try to chill. Easier said than done....
Wise words, cant. I guess I didn't think my feelings would manifest this way, especially as I found being pregnant again quite healing. I imagine it will get better with time. I suppose it's part of adjusting to being a mother to a boy who's actually here with me.
Did somebody upthread mention a meet-up? We could have another one! It'd be great to see all the old faces and meet the new ones. I'd love to see some wedding pics, I adore weddings. And baby pics (or in person!) would be good too.
hey ghislaine - reading your post struck lots of chords with me as i feel very similar to you. like you our dd had down syndrome - and also this cystic hygroma which the specialists were never really able to explain how it could affect long-term...spectrum ranging from nothing to possible severe brain damage. as you know on Eve's anniversary in March i was in hospital with Callum when he was poorly, and i had then (and often do) the same thoughts as you.....what would she have looked like. could we have actually coped with her and the unknown health issues that were imminent. most poignantly is when i see my two eldest boys around little girls (any age really, but particularly babies) - they are so loving and caring to them and treat them almost as though they should be on a pedestal. they would surely have loved Eve no matter what (that is the beauty of children - the innocent, unconditional love) and had we never known about her prognosis and she'd just 'arrived' we too would have loved her unconditionally.
BUT like you i look at Callum and can't imagine my life without him - he is a joy to be with (particularly at around 3 in the morning). i think that the questions and 'what if's' are a natural part of the greiving process - gosh if we didn't think these things occasionally then it almost makes a mockery of the hugely difficult decisions we had to make in the past. but what i always remind myself is that we made the right decision for her and our family at the time. and despite how much i desperately miss her still (although it is getting easier) i still am confident in that. sending you some unMN hugs though - it's a hard feeling to deal with.
on a lighter note - i'm all for meet-ups! love putting names to face
Thanks Mrsbigz, I think I even have the same triggers - at Easter we went out for the day and we saw a couple around our (advanced) age whose baby had down's. I couldn't stop thinking - did they know? Was it a surprise? Did they go through the same emotions and would they have decided differently? It brought it all back. You are right, if I didn't have those sorts of reactions, I'd question my humanity a bit. Hugs back to you.
Ghislaine, I am sorry you are struggling. Not more to add to Cantdo and mrsbigz... I also remember my little girl as she was when I gave birth to her. I did fleetingly ask myself what she would have looked like if we didn't terminate, would she have made it to term,would she have been able to smile, would she have known I was her mum... the prognosis was awful for us as the abnormalities were in the thalamus, the area in the brain which regulates all the senses. What I am holding on to is the certainty that I wouldn't have had my little boy if we had her, and I know this sounds awful, as if it was a choice between my two children, but it wasn't at all. I don't know how to explain it, I just can't imagine my life without him, and this gives everything another dimension.
On a lighter note, I did mention a possible meet-up, it would be nice to see everybody again.
I have to dash now, but thinking of all of you ladies. Big wave to Kittens.
Just curious - when you had your last meet up where did you all meet - and where is everyone from? X
Last time we met up was autumn ish 2010 and we met up in central London. so it was just the southern contingent (London, brighton, Cambridge and surrounds) who made it, but there were quite a few of us!
If another southern meetup happens then count me in. To avoid the potential for any uninvited attention, we got the people who wanted to come to say so on here then pm'd the details of where and when to meet. Kittens was our organiser and did a very fabulous job. x
hi, first post in this section.
firstly im so sorry for each one of you and your sad losses, its shocking to see so many names on here
i admire you hugely to have the courage to ttc again
i hope i will have the strength
we lost our much wanted and dearly loved baby boy in march due to hypo plastic left heart syndrome.
we are planning on ttc starting next month,
i think i'm going to avoid cleaning products and only have plant cleaning products on the house and avoid as many chemicals as possible, with avoiding certain diy jobs
try and eat as much organic food as possible
just trying to think of ways to be as healthy as possible, certainly for the first half of the pregnancy
i know i'm going to be an anxious mess.
my gp has put me on high strength folic acid, and i'm just trying to think of anything i can do to aviod this happening again or anything else happening.
hello and welcome to sad but trying mummy. i also terminated my pregnancy because my baby had a hypoplastic right heart, that will be 5 years ago on 5 july. I have since had two healthy sons and a third who had downs syndrome (that pregnancy resulted in a second termination). Downs was totally unrelated to the heart condition and pretty unlikely. I am sure you will find this board very supportive as i did through my pregnancies which had their ups as well as their downs.
Ghislaine, I have just caught up, your first post sounded like you were struggling a little but you sound like you have had good advice and now a bit more sorted. Just wanted to add my experience in case it helps. Following my first termination I had ds1 and suffered a bit of the blues for about a year. I found it a tough year despite being ecstatic to have him. I put it down to having expected to always be happy if only I could have a live baby but it wasn't the case. With ds2 this time round, I knew he wouldn't solve all my problems and havent had the same anxieties. As ds1 got older my anxieties diminished, think having a baby in the first year can make anyone feel a bit down as it can be slightly unrewarding and isolating.
As I said I am not unhappy or at all depressed this time round but I do always wonder about my lost babies. Especially downs as it is more visible. I wonder if parents with children with downs knew and how they feel. I always wonder what my babies would look/sound like. I like to think of them now as I think that is what ghosts are and how they remain alive and how their lives can be acknowledged. I don't know if that makes sense and I have to run now but I kind of sometimes wish i had him and occassionally though less so wish I had her too.
Would love a meet up too. xx
hi manitz, it's comforting to hear from others that they have gone on to have healthy other children
that must have been tough finding about one of your much wanted babies had ds.
how on earth did you cope second time round?
some idiot has said to me, that if i have another babes that dies it won't be as bad as i'll be expecting it
other people[my dad] has said to me is it worth it?
meaning don't get pregnant again.
i can imagine people won't be pleased for us if i did get pg, i can't imagine there will be the same joyful reaction normal people get, i'll be expecting comments of oh.......
that type of thing
i just feel if something like this happens again, it will totally break me
how many children do you have in total,? didy ou have any before you lost a child to hrhs?
did you do any thing differnt in the fololowing pregnancies?
how on earth do you cope with the 40 week pregnancy process?
i was htinking of taking it a day at a time with mini goals to focus on such as an 8 week scan, then a 12 weeek one, then an echo at great ormond street at 16 weeks
then the 20 week scan, then another echo at great ormond street again at 24 weeks.
Hi again sad but trying, I have four living children and had two girls who were 4 and 2 when I had my first termination. I think the idiot was right but said it wrong - they might have meant that you don't think you can cope but you do and you will - or they could just be an idiot. My dad had a similar attitude to yours especially with my last baby, really didn't think it would be a good idea for me to have another. they just didn't want it to go wrong again.
I approach it like I'm pregnant and that is great but I can't think of it as a baby. Just try and enjoy each stage for what it is. Like you are suggesting really. You just can't think of the future.
ghislaine, I also remembered that one of the big things that dawned on me after ds1 was born was that during the pregnancy I'd been looking forward to the baby's birth and a subconcious part of me thought it would be her who would be born (the baby I had lost). It was a bit of a shock when it wasn't and I had to love an interloper instead - I do but i have never loved any of my children immediately except like a really nice pet. Think I'm focusing here on the fact that you said you had gone backwards so apologies if you no longer think that. x
Hi sad but trying mummy. So sorry I hear about the loss of your baby boy back in march - I'm sure you will find a lot of support and handholding on this thread... I know that I did!
We lost a baby girl last march - we terminated as she had downs syndrome and also an enlarged cystic hygroma all down her back it is the worst thing I've ever had to go through.
I wanted to ttc again straight away (while I know others who have preferred to wait a little - I guess also depending in the diagnosis and whether waiting for pm results etc) we were very fortunate to fall pg again 3 months later and my baby boy was born (9 wks early!?!) in January. I didn't do anything particularly different in that pregnancy - id always tried to eat / live healthily anyway, plus Eve's diagnosis was just random, rather than being something I could have controlled/avoided. The women on here were amazing all the way through - of course you're going to be nervous/anxious when you fall pregnant but I found it helped to set small goalposts like you said. Viability scan, 12 wk scan (we also had a private, more detailed nuchal scan - which gave us the confidence to avoid further invasive testing).
For various reasons my pregnancy wasn't straightforward at all and had its for share of scares however ds3 is here and perfectly healthy - so goes I show it can all work out in the end.
Try and ignore the comments of others - I think mostly they mean no harm but often don't know what to say / how to say things to you when you've been through a termination. People didn't want us to ttc again - but not in a horrible way, just that they didn't want to see us go through such an emotional time again. But we knew we wanted 3dcs so we followed our hearts
Best of luck on your ttc journey xxx
thanks for such kind replies, feel quite vunerable at the moment so your kindness is appriciated
like with my dad i haven't asked for his advice, he just gives it to me.
i don't want other peoples advise, well not people i know in rl.
it's different on here because i'm asking for your advice
it does give me hope to read about other people that have gone on to have healthy babies, i truely admire you mothers you have such strength.
hopefully i will have too
manitz how did your 4 and 2 year old take the news, after your termination?
we have a dd who is just 5, she is not taking it very well at all.
i've been suprised and shocked at the depth of her grief.
i knew she would be upset as she was sooooo excited about having a baby.
but shes taken it hard and its difficult to see hersuffer
hi again. how far gone were you? I was 26 weeks so my kids were aware of the pregnancy. When we realised there was a problem we started going for cardiac scans etc so they wanted to know where we were going. I explained that the baby might not have all its parts to make it work. That meant that by the time of the termination they were aware there may be a problem. I dont remember them being that upset, mostly curious, I think it made the older one realise about mortality but the younger one was quite confused.
Why do you think she is so upset? do you think it's because she wants a sibling? maybe cos they had each other mine had less investment in the pregnancy. I also had the baby in july then the oldest started school in the sept and dd2 started preschool which was a massive distraction. Also I had been working but went on maternity leave so it was better for them as they got me home and I really focussed on them, so perhaps their life improved? we felt like shit so we went to some impromptu festivals and treated ourselves, i became a bit more fancy free. I was like mrsbigz and wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. It didn't happen immediately but I had ds about 15 months later.
I think you give her a hug/lots of hugs. Its probably that she realises how fragile life is. x ps my dad also offers loads of advice - you'd almost htink he had a womb!
hi sorry i missed your reply. i was 22 weeks
dd has been in tears twice again today, i'm thinking of contacting someone about her.
i'm at home anyway so dont think its because she wants me at home, think shes just so sad as she was looking forward to the baby so much.
hey sadbuttrying - my situation was a little different to yours. i have to older ds's who were 3 and 1 when we lost our baby last year. because we'd had 2 mc's previously we'd decided not to tell them we were pregnant until our 12wk scan (or tell anyone actually!) and it was that scan that bore us bad news, so from then until 17wks when we finally tfmr, we didn't tell the children as we felt they were too young to properly understand. thankfully although i was showing, it wasn't enough for them (especially the older one) to notice.
however kids are very reactive to their surroundings and while i tried my best to hold things together i'm afraid that i was often in tears around them.
once we'd lost Eve and had her buried, we have taken the kids to the cemetary to visit her. we've explained that we're visiting their sister, and that while she was in my tummy, she was too poorly to be born like they were. the youngest still doesn't quite get it but my (now) 4.5 year old does ask lots of questions.
i found this book to be really helpful - i remember it from a funeral that i went to years ago, and thought then how it would be a really good way to help explain death/dying to kids. hope you may find it useful too?
thankyou think i'll order that, i ordered we were gonna have a baby but had an angel instead but its so sad, that i havent shown it to her yet.
but then again so is our situation, perhaps i will show dd the book.
i'll rty waterbugs
thanks for your kind message and im very sorry for your loss too
Hi everyone, and hello to sadbuttryingmummy, in response to your first post trying again is hard, and accepting that with pregnancy awful things happen that we have no control over is hard, you can do everything right and still loose a baby this happened with our first.
I had my 20 week scan yesterday and as the doctor said it has been a long and difficult journey, we lost our first concieved naturaly then 16 months ttc and fertility treatment to get this little one. In the end the fear of never getting pregnant over rid my fear of things going wrong, having said that I spent the first 13 weeks in denial even up till yesterday, and when the doctor told us to relax and enjoy our baby I got all emotional. I said to dh last night we are going to have a baby! most people have worked that out by 20 weeks but I havent dared believe it, probably wont fully until baby is safely in our arms as I dont feel I can fully bond, I need to protect myself still, and hope things will be ok when baby comes? I'm rambling now.
Scan was all fine, had to have two as baby was laying across me snuggled into posteria placenta and couldnt see tummy, face and brain first time after half hour and some poking baby moved, it was amazing to see all the chambers of the heart. As doctor said have now got over half way, so looking forward to due date, oct the 9th.
Sorry for the me post, hope everyone is doing ok
lots of love xx
I haven't posted anything in months. Just two days after my last post I started to bleed. I was almost angry with myself for testing so early, if I hadn't I would have just thought it was my period.
Im pregnant again now, week 12. Yesterday I had a CVS. My midwife referred me because I was so worried after what happened in december (had a termination because of abnormalities).
I almost tried not to look at the scan but couldn't help it and almost panicked inside when I saw a black area behind the neck, not as large as last time thankfully, but not thin either. :-(
The specialist said that it would not be any point in measuring because I hadn't taken the blood sample for a CUB. And that he did not want to worry me when I would have a definitive answer in a few days from the CVS anyway.
He did not seem that worried and said that during his 20+ years at the hospital he had only come across two women who had two different non hereditary abnormalities after another.
But I can't help worrying myself sick anyway.
Hi Linn - just jumping on to give you a ((hug)) and support for the CVS result wait. xxx
Oh Linn, I'm so sorry to hear about your earlier miscarriage. And I hope you don't have much longer to wait for your test results this time. Fingers crossed for a good result. In the meantime it is true that it is very uncommon to have two bad results in a row so hang on to that. xx
Linn - sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I hope you dont have long to wait for the CVS results this time and that when you get them you get the all clear and can relax. Let us know how you get on.
Flower - really great to her your 20 week scan went well. Just the last stretch to go now. Oct 9th will be here before you know it. I felt the same about not feeling as though I was bonding for fear of something still going wrong. I think it's perfectly normal though. I hope you're enjoying pregnancy despite this.
Hi everyone else - all ok here. I've actually been doing some wedding planning as it kind of dawned on me that september isnt actually that far away. Met with the dressmaker and am currently trying to decide on fabric. Also thinking about table decorations, flowers etc. I swore i wouldnt get dragged in to the whole wedding shenanigans but have found myself actually enjoying thinking about favours etc. I'm making everything myself - cake included so lots to plan!
Love to all!
LittlePoot - yes :-) I am so relieved! The CVS for the most common chromosomal abnormalities was clear! And I couldn't help to check and it's a girl. DS will be happy to get a little sister I think. So I am happy but a bit cautious, until after the later anatomy scan. If that's ok then I will really be able to relax. But happy for now! :-)
Woo hoo!! Such brilliant news. One more hurdle down. Am really pleased for you. x
Fantastic news Linn!!! So pleased for you, and congratulations on a daughter in there
Hello Poot - hope you are are doing well? xx
Linn, just popping onto say that i'm so pleased that your initial cvs results came back clear - and congrats on having a little girl
So sorry i've not been here for absolutely ages! Hope everybody is well.
I've not had time to read all the messages properly but Natz congrats on the wedding, sorry it's so late but glad you had a lovely time!
Welcome and congratulations to all the new people, Linn so pleased to see your CVS results were clear - fab news!
I have a little news myself. I tested on sat and am pregnant! Kept it a secret from DH until yesterday. He was doing the London to Brighton bike ride so i wrote it in a card and got Felix to give it to him at the finish line
We are really happy and excited - feeling pretty positive about it all, which i suppose is a worry in itself as i know it will be a real crash back down to earth if things don't work out. For now though i have a big smile on my face.
Lots of love to you all Katie xxx
LADIES.................Oh I am soooo pleased to have found you still here, I could cry!!
Hello to everyone, I hope you remember me (I'm on the list of Hope if you don't).
Do you mind if I join you again after a VERY LONG absence??
Katiecub Huge congratulations to you, I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months.
Hello Linn as someone who's been through a CVS I can understand you delight at getting the all clear. I was in the same boat last Jan/Feb time.
Cherrybug, NatzCNL, Littlepoot and anyone else I have not name checked Hello Hello Hello....
I haven't caught up on the thread entirely so forgive me if I've missed anything significant.
I have some news........I am 11+1 today, 3rd Pregnancy, hopefully 2nd Baby and I had to come back because I need you guys. It wasn't until this afternoon when I was explaining to someone about my history that all of a sudden I thought 'No one knows what I'm going through and I really need to talk about stuff' and then I thought of you.
Quick memory jog on my history: May 7th 2010 Termination as baby had Annencephaly, I was 15 weeks. End of Jan/early Feb 2011 CVS @12wks as chance of Downs was 1:43, was given the all clear and went on to have a very healthy baby boy called George.
I'm a bit frightened of the outcome of this one. I have my 12 week scan on the 29th of June and could do with some hand holding.
Sorry it's a bit Me Me Me, will you have me back?
Congratulations Stormbird lovely to hear from you!!
I've been away for a wee while too but also back for some hand holding. Will hold your hand if you hold mine x
hello, congratulations katie and stormbird and linn I'm pleased your cvs is good news. Katie, my dh was doing the bike ride too. What time did yours start? I was by the first bit along the seafront at the wrong end from the finish line. dh finished about 2pm and started at 7.30 he loved it and we really enjoyed brighton. went for fips and sat on the beach for ages after. it was such a lovely day. the parking was manic...
good luck all 3 of you with your pregnancies. x
Hi Manitz - thanks
DH started at 7am and finished at 1.30 so sounds like they did it in the same time. I have done it with him and some other friends a few years ago and i think we finished at about 5pm then as i was so slow
Glad you enjoyed Brighton, am biased but i do think it rocks! x
Katie!!! Congrats - really pleased for you. And Stormbird, hello and congrats on your pregnancy too!!
A nicer bunch of handholders i've yet to meet (as i'm sure you know all too well!!) so am happy to share in both of your journeys and offer my virtual hand - this group was my lifeline last year xxxx
Woo-hoo! I step away for a few days and suddenly it's all go again in here! Hooray!!! Congratulations Stormbird and lovely to see you back. Blimey though, George isn't even one yet is he? You have been busy! Everything crossed for you. And massive hugs for you Katie! I nearly texted you the other day to ask you how you were doing but I didn't want to be sending you an "are are you pregnant yet?" text, so very exciting to see you back here. I do agree that Brighton rocks although I am also slightly biased. everything's crossed for you all. xxxx
Littlepoot Your right, George is only 11 months and I am practically 3 months pregnant. It wasn't planned at all in fact it was a huge shock and I cried for 3 days..........before I pulled myself together and just got on with it.
Manitz Mrsbigz Hello (WAVES)
I'm having a bit of a mental battle just lately as I am so worried that the upcoming Scan, Nuchal and Combined bloods are going to throw a spanner in the works.......What are the chances of being high risk again for downs?? What are the chances that this baby has Annencephaly?? Should I have just gone for a CVS to get it all over and done with?? This questions are constantly spinning through my head, it's all I can think about.........................I'm struggling to stay positive, today especially.
Hello! I thought I would stick my head in as I recognised a couple of names, and also see that there are a few of you fairly newly pregnant with the extra worry about scans that everyone in our position has. My situation was that I sadly terminated my 1st pregnancy just over 3 years ago for T21 and serious heart defects. I then miscarried pregnancy no. 2 soon after, before falling pregnant yet again and going on to produce our lovely little boy, who has just turned 2. I was never a very regular poster, but have found great support on these threads.
The latest update to this is that I had another baby - this time a little girl - 2 months ago. I hope that what I'm about to type doesn't worry anyone unnecessarily, but I thought it might be helpful just in case anyone has a similar experience, particularly as none of us go into scans with the naivety of first timers.
We had an early private scan at 8 weeks and saw a heart beat. But the 12 week scan was awful, with a NT reading almost identical - in fact, slightly higher at 4.7mm - than for the first pregnancy that we terminated. It was so like the first time - to begin with the sonographers were very chatty, but then fell increasingly quiet as they did the measurements. They said that they expected the baby either to have a chromosomal abnormality, or if not, then a serious heart defect, given the readings (and, I'm sure, given our history). We went straight to CVS as we couldn't not know. A lovely consultant, who recognised us from before, saw me crying in the corridor, and pushed the lab to get initial results back to us in 48 hours so we didn't have to wait over a weekend once again. And somehow, this time the results came back clear for chromosomal abnormalities. We had further detailed heart scans straight afterwards and at 16 and 20 weeks as they were still concerned about potential heart defects, but nothing was picked up, and our lovely little girl arrived 2 months ago.
I don't know if this is reassuring or not, so please excuse me if it isn't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that hopefully you will have smooth experiences this time round. It is still far more likely than not. But that if you should find yourselves in a position like me, there is still hope, even though it may not feel like it at the time.
My best wishes for your pregnancies!
Wow, I just decided to pop my head in and there's all this news! Apologies, I've not had a chance to read back very far either.
Congratulations to Katie and Stormbird on your pregnancies, and to Katerina on the birth of your daughter.
Thanks Katerina for posting. It goes to show that, as horrific as it is to see an increased nuchal fold, there's still a chance all will be ok. We all know that feeling of blood running cold when the sonographers go quiet. Good to know there can still be hope.
I am still on this Super Ovulation treatment. It's not been working so far. Last cycle I tried it I didn't ovulate until CD24 which was rather too late! I took a month off for a hysteroscopy last cycle and then despite pretty dire blood test results I've managed to produce to ripe follicles this month which I will be firing out ready for OH to take aim this week! Keep your fingers crossed for me. Time is running out!
Hope everyone is ok. xx
Oh kittens sweetie, I'm hoping so hard this works for you. I've been stalking you occasionally on the other board, just checking you're ok. Xxxx
Ahh thanks all
Kittens and Poot so lovely to hear from you old timers. Kittens i am keeping every possible part of my body crossed for you this month. You have not had IVF yet have you? Is that also an option? Really hoping that you don't need to think about that anyway.
Poot how are you and how is Jacob? Felix is very chatty now, really come on wth his language over the last couple of months and is hilarious.
Congratulations Katerina on the birth of your daughter, lovely news and i agree that's a great story to share. Nothing is certain is it? I'm so sorry you had to go through so much stress again though.
Mrsbigz - thank you so much for the virtual hand! how is your little one doing now? x
I bet Felix is brilliant! Jacob is finally thinking about learning to walk-he's never been very into moving about so no rush from him. But instead of learning words, he's learning animal noises! No idea why, but he can do elephant, snake, spider (tickly tickly), cow, cat, sheep, tiger (and any other roaring beast). But only says mummy, daddy and nana. Oh and dude! And I think we got noodle tonight (noo noo). So he can talk to the animals but is still rubbish at getting his point across to the rest of us! Ah well, hopefully he'll get it one day. It's so funny finally finding out a bit of what's going on in those little heads of theirs isn't it?
Blimey Katerina-another one with a tiny age gap. Congratulations! How has it been with two? Lovely to hear from you anyway.
Love to all. Xxx
Hi all, haven't been on here for ages, but just thought I'd have a quick check on everyone, Kittens in particular - everything crossed for you here too for this month Kittens xxx
Only had time for a quick scan, so I probably missed a lot - though I did see Katerina's, Katie's and Stormbird's lovely news so congratulations to you all!!
I have had such a horrible time with my 15y old dd these past few months. She started off the year alright at school, but sort of got in with 'the wrong crowd'. Long story short, she is truanting ALL the time, smoking (cigarettes and marijuana), lying, stealing (finally got caught the other day), is rude, has trashed her room to the point of vandalism, and taking off from home when she feels like it. She took off for 5 days about a month ago, and is gone again now - for 8 days so far, and I don't even know where she spent last night. The close relationship we used to have has just gone - I'm pretty devastated/sad/angry/lost about it all at the moment and I go from desperately wanting her to come home, to wanting to wash my hands of her all together for the hurt she has caused (which I know, sounds horrible). One good thing is that she has a lovely boyfriend who is trying to get her on the right track, though, the way she's going, he won't be around much longer, and heaven help her then. DH comes home today after being away for 3 weeks, so at least I'll not feel so alone in all this (though it has been a major worry for him while he's been away), and my sister comes up from Melbourne tomorrow, which will be nice, though I wish I didn't have all 'this' going on while she is here. If anyone had have told me a few months back I'd be in this position , I would not have believed them.
In happier news, my 17y old dd is fine, also has a lovely boyfriend, and Bella, who is now 2 1/2, is as cute as ever. She just woke up (7:30am) and said "Mum, time get up?" I told her, no, it's still early, go back to sleep - so she did. She's still BF morning and night, but I figure, as she can't have dairy, it's a bit of extra calcium/nutrients (though am quite happy to quit when she is!). She misses her big sister though, and is always asking where she is
Anyway, sorry for the me, me post, but I know you ladies will understand xxx
PS I just added a couple of recent photos of Bella to my profile. I also, a few months ago, updated my ('shitty' for those who remember) house blog if anyone still has the site address/is interested
Love to you all xx
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