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Facing medical termination on Monday

(19 Posts)
purcellfan Thu 06-Oct-11 03:46:39

We found out yesterday that our son has multiple abnormalities, probably due to a rare genetic disorder and have made the difficult decision to terminate at 21 weeks rather than wait to miscarry naturally and so I will be induced on Monday. It's especially sad as the cvs I had at 12 weeks came back clear so we've been hoping for the best for the last two months. At the moment I can't stop crying. It would be great to hear any experiences of med termination if anyone is able to help, eg how long did it take, how much did it hurt etc, particularly anyone who went through this around 20 weeks if you feel able to reply. Thanks.

CheerfulYank Thu 06-Oct-11 04:01:59

I have no experience with this at all but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

I'm really very sorry you're having to deal with this. sad

Jacksmania Thu 06-Oct-11 04:11:28

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you. I have no personal experience, but my friend was 21 weeks in mid-June and found out her baby had died. She was induced and had to deliver the baby. She was given an IV, and offered lots of pain meds or an epidural when the contractions started. She declined both because she found the contractions quite manageable, but when it came time to push, she opted for morphine in her IV so she could "check out", as it were. She left hospital several hours after she delivered. Her reasoning was that she felt well enough and saw no reason to stay and would be happier in her own bed. (Yes, she's an incredibly tough wonderful woman.)
She had a room apart from the regular birthing rooms, and was treated with great kindness, she said. Nonetheless, she said it was a very hard, awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry you're facing this. (((((((((((((((((((((((*HUGS*))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

LottieJenkins Thu 06-Oct-11 04:21:20

Again No experience here,Sending you love hugs and prayers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx {{{{}}}}

razzdazz Thu 06-Oct-11 09:26:50

purcellfan I am so sorry that you are having to go through this awful and heartbreaking situation. I was sadly in your shoes at the same gestation in April of this year. The staff were fantastic with me but if Im honest it was all a blur. I was given vaginal tablets at 0845am that soften the cervix. Four hours after that I had to take the same tablets orally. Up to that point I had had only mild cramping and slight bleeding. I delivered my baby boy 45 minutes later. I will not lie, it was the most excruitating pain, much worse than my two previous full term labours. I had gas and air, was offered morphine but declined as knew it would delay my going home. I also suffered dreadfully with the runs and sickness. I only had to give one large push that did not hurt me at all.
It is the days afterwards that for me were the hardest to bear so make sure that you are well supported and be honest about what helps and what doesnt. I chose to hold my son, have pictures taken and hand/foot prints, the time for me was special and it helped a lot. He was beautiful.
I wish for you all of the strength that you are going to need and again am so sorry that you are here.

purcellfan Thu 06-Oct-11 11:04:12

Thanks, especially razzdazz and jacksmania. Razzdazz that's much quicker than I was expecting, I wonder if it will be that fast. I've spoken to ARC and they've been really helpful and also told me that my hospital has a reputation for dealing with these situations very well. I don't know if I will choose to hold the baby, although I'm sure it would help, I'll have to decide when the time comes.
I'm waiting for the hospital to call me again but I think I have to go in for tablets on Saturday and then be induced on Monday. I've opted to have the injection in the babies heart to stop circulation, although it's too early for this to be compulsory, as they can then take a blood sample to try to find out what is wrong and whether any subsequent children would be affected. I have to go to a bigger hospital for that before going to my local one for the induction it seems.

I don't know what kind of pain relief I can have as I'm still breastfeeding my older child (luckily only one or two feeds a day) and I don't know how long things take to leave the body.

What does one take into hospital in these situations? It seems really weird to pack a labour bag but I suppose you have to?

razzdazz Thu 06-Oct-11 14:51:14

Hi again, I never took a labour bag as such, just things i would need for an overnight stay along with sanitary towels. It usually is really quite quick as your cervix does not have to dilate as much as a full term birth. I had opted to take the pills and not the feticide injection, however I didnt need them as my baby died himself naturally in the end.
Really hope all goes as well as it can for you.

Cherrybug Thu 06-Oct-11 15:07:43

Purcellfan - I'm so very sorry you are going through this. It's a frightening and devastating time. We made the difficult decision to end my pregnancy last October at the same gestation as you. Our baby girl had a very rare chromosomal abnormality which had a very poor prognosis - she may well not have even made it to term and even if she did would have had multiple severe problems and probably would have only lived days. We also thought we were in the clear after our fast amnio results came back normal but the full results showed that there was something wrong which was very rare.

Taking the initial tablet is very hard and then going home and having to wait a couple of days is horrible. On the day, I went into the hospital in the morning, was given the first tablets (placed by the cervix) at probably around midday (it's hard to remember exactly). I got the oral medication 4 hours later and started having contractions. These got stronger fairly quickly. My waters broke and my baby was born at 6.35pm. Contractions were painful but I didnt feel I really needed pain relief and I didnt want to be out of it as even though it was totally devastating, I wanted to be able to remember my baby and be with it enough to feel what I thought I needed to feel. If that makes sense. Anyway, like Razz, I held her, had hand and footprints, photos and we named her. We stayed overnight in a special family room with her and had a blessing at the hospital. We had a funeral, cremation etc also. People do things differently and what is right for some is not for others. I wouldnt have thought initially I wanted to have photos etc. but I am so glad I did, her memory box is very precious to me.

One thing I wasnt really fully prepared for was that I would fall completely in love with her when she was born. I found the emotional heartbreak very difficult and it takes time to come to terms with it. Despite the so called 'choice' you are still losing a loved and wanted child. The days and weeks afterwards were very difficult so please be kind to yourself.

You should take a bag in with you, pads for bleeding etc. We took magazines and snacks in with us to pass the time.

Sending you lots of strength and if you have any further questions just ask. There is also a support thread here that you may find useful where there are ladies who have been through the same thing and know exactly how you are feeling.

Jacksmania Thu 06-Oct-11 15:20:00

From what my friend said it can be relatively quick. 6 hours I believe?

No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but my friend chose not to hold or look at her baby, and while she didn't say so outright when we talked recently, she gave me the impression that regretted not doing so.

You will also need to watch out for yourself around what would have been your due date sad

Sending you much love and more ((((*HUGS*))))

daisylulu Thu 06-Oct-11 18:39:17

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I just wanted to share my experience. I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks in 2009 due to a fatal condition. I had no idea what to expect and wish someone could have prepared me emotionally. I chose to have the injection as was told there was a risk, albeit small, that he could be born alive and I would have to watch him fade away. I found the injection the hardest part (emotionally not physically) and found after it the rest of the experience was 'going through the motions'. Personally I'm not sure I could've swallowed the tablets had I not had the injection. Ime I was also very relieved when in labour that I didn't have to worry about whether he could've been born alive- however it's a very personal decision.

Re the actual delivery I did not deliver my son until 28 hours after the first pessary which is an unusually long time. However I only found the last 6 hours particularly uncomfortable - I opted for morphine which I could control myself. I also had gas and air during the end bit. I felt frustrated it was taking so long and relief when the pain did start as I knew the end was nearly there. I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for my son when he was born- I initially thought I would not want to see him or name him. I felt strangely euphoric and so proud of him when i saw how tiny and perfect he was. We had him blessed. My only regret is that I did not bring him any clothes or take any photos. Luckily my wonderful DM was more prepared than me and had bought him a blanket and teddy. The hospital took photos of him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I found ARC amazing and used their forum daily after he was born. It is such a strong support network. I got through the induction almost on automatic pilot and the grief hit me like a ton of bricks after- my advice would be to be kind to yourself and dont rush to do anything before you are ready. Your loss is very very real even though other people will not have met your baby and it takes time to grieve. Thinking of you.

Jacksmania Sat 08-Oct-11 14:53:33

Thinking of you. (((*HUG*)))

purcellfan Sat 08-Oct-11 18:33:50

Thanks guys. I'm just waiting to get let out of the hospital after the first tablet, they've been very kind but it has been a long afternoon as all the doctors were busy and we had to wait several hours for the pill (not their fault of course). The real thing starts on Monday so lots of distraction tomorrow I guess...
tomorrow I guess...

Jacksmania Sun 09-Oct-11 03:02:03

Oh sweetie. I hope you have lots to take your mind off things. I'm so sad for you sad
Do please keep updating. xxJM

Endogirl Sun 09-Oct-11 09:42:46

Hi purcel. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I hope that you managed to get some sleep last night and that today doesn't drag on too long. Take care of yourself and remember we're all here if you need anything.

xxxxxxx

razzdazz Mon 10-Oct-11 09:55:09

Hi purcell really hope things go as well as they can for you today. Sending lots of best wishes. Hope you have all of the support that you need.

ghislaine Mon 10-Oct-11 11:27:05

Purcellfan, thinking of you and your DH today. I can really recommend the support thread that cherry linked to. I didn't post on it for months after my termination, but it was a real source of help and comfort to me (and still is).

Jacksmania Mon 10-Oct-11 19:25:04

Hoping everything went as well as it could. I woke up thinking of you this morning, and I assume with the time difference you'd already have been in hospital.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((*HUGS*)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jacksmania Wed 12-Oct-11 20:58:37

If you feel up to posting, purcellfan, we're here if you need a hand to hold.

purcellfan Thu 13-Oct-11 11:02:19

Hi, Thanks, I've moved over to the support thread Cherry linked to, it's really helpful. All the posts here have been a great help and comfort in the last few days.

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