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oh dear, termination probably

(6 Posts)
Writergirl Mon 06-Jun-11 16:04:29

DH and I have been a bit shit and have ended up with an unplanned pregnancy. We already have 3 kids (1 is mine) and our youngest is 10 months.

We have just started a business together, which we're excited about, we're just about to launch and everything is geared up to go. This will put a massive spanner in the works.

I'm feeling that we've just 'come out of the woods' with bb3, who had a difficult first few months - not illness, just major colic/screaming/relentless crying.

There is also only 18 months between bb2 a bb3.

We would probably plan bb4 eventually. I am currently 35 and the "2 babies in 2 years" has really put me through the wringer, physically.

We're not religious, but I feel a termination would be one of convenience, in a way. Although we could accommodate 4, in terms of our car and house size, the income from the new business is currently a big unknown. I also feel that I'm just getting back on track with my other kids in terms of giving them quality time and having our whole family back in balance.

What's my question? I feel sad that we have to go through this, and have brought this on ourselves through carelessness. I'm looking for reassurance of other adult parents who may have been in a similar situation and got through it.

Writergirl Mon 06-Jun-11 16:05:08

I meant 1 is mine only - all 3 kids are mine, 1 is from an ex-p!

NatzCNL Wed 08-Jun-11 15:12:17

Im so sorry to read about your situation Writer. It is a very heartbreaking decision that you and DH have to make, but it is something that you have to be totally sure of.

Termination is as life changing as going ahead with the pregnancy (obviously not in the physical sense). I had a termination at 17 which was nearly 14 years ago now, and I still find it hard to think about at times. I spent years after the termination torturing myself aver my decision - which was mine alone as my ex had wanted to keep the baby - and found that the guilt resurfaced many times over the years, especially when I had my first baby 9 years later.

I would suggest speaking to your GP and maybe a counsellor before making any firm decisions. I understands your reasons for wanting to not continue this pregnancy, but dont want you to think that once it is over, it is over IYSWIM?

I still stand by my decision not to continue my first pregnancy but there is still a tinge of sadness when I think about that time in my life. It is a very sad situation to be in and a horrible decision to make, but as long as you know the reasons are the right reasons, you will get through this. It can creep back up on you through the years, but you will get past it. Thinking of you and your DH x

KTM36 Wed 08-Jun-11 16:19:02

Mine is not the same Writergirl but I had a termination when I was 22, just about to leave uni and start my career and couldn't see a baby in my life at that time. It is a very difficult decision to have to make, but I remember sitting in the waiting room at the clinic where I thought I would be one of the oldest there, how wrong I was. There were couples of all ages and no doubt a variety of circumstances. You just need to make sure that you think of yourselves and the rest of the family objectively, easier said than done but from reading your post it sounds like you have already made the decision and are looking for support.
I definatley made the right decision and I am still with my partner 15 years on and we are just expecting our first baby. I don't think about my termination as I don't feel guilty or selfish just that I was practical and realistic.
I hope you manage to make your decision, it will feel right when you have, take care x

Writergirl Thu 16-Jun-11 09:16:34

Thanks for your messages.

I went through with the decision and am currently feeling ok about it. I am happy to be getting my energy back and being able to dedicate myself to all my kids as they go through important stages - coming up for 1, starting school and exams at school, etc.

I found out I wasnt as far gone as I'd thought (only 3 weeks) and the doc couldn't be sure that he could see anything so maybe it wouldn't have progressed normally anyway (I already had a similar situation like that).

It may come back to 'haunt' me, but DH and I have been having some up and down patches, so it was probably a good decision for everyone to not add to the burden.

Really good to know that there is non-judgemental support on here and kind words!

misty0 Thu 16-Jun-11 15:13:07

Glad you came to your decision and are comfortable and happy with it writer.

I've been watching your thread, and wanted to answer, but found it very hard to find helpful words. I have been ttc for a while, but recently had to terminate a much wanted pregnancy for medical reasons, and therefore struggled with advising you in your personal situation. I am totaly pro-choice, however, and am pleased to hear that you feel you have done the right thing for you and your family. All my best wishes to you and your DH going forward now.

I hope i am not speaking out of turn when i say that many of the regular posters here on this forum would probably echo my words - in that they wished you well, but found it hard to advise you in your thread you due to their recent losses and/or current situation of ttc again.

We are a nice bunch of ladies here smile and dont judge anyone at all as we all have to do what is right in our own situations.


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