How to get help for depression i think about killing myself everyday

[mangobaby1]

I have a long history of anxiety and depression & I don't know how to get help. I don't think my 5 month old loves me as much anymore. I can't play with her or have fun and when I do im just faking it. I feel like a terrible mother. I look horrible im stick thin and lost all my weight because I have terrible eating habits and im breastfeeding. My face is disgusting and pale I think I look like a man I don't understand how I can become so hideous when I know there's times in my life when I thought I was pretty.

I really want to get help but I don't know how to get help I feel like I'm livng inside a dark tunnel that's closing in on me

[socksmcgraw]

You are brave writing and you can do this I promise and you are smart for recognising that you have depression. Am sure others who have been through this will advise you but contacting your GP is one place, tell them what you have said here. I got some help from a service that was attached to the hospital when my baby was born so there may well be a service like that for you too. Having someone to speak to was so helpful. Much love to you and I promise your baby loves you too xxxx

[nina97]

Hiya, awe your post is so heart breaking. Please, please reach out to someone irl. Can you phone the Dr and speak to them. I think lots of people are faking it till they make it at the minute and even harder with a little baby.... You made a really positive first step writing that post, please, please speak a Dr or your health visitor and tell them how you feel. If you can get something to help you get out of this hole and onto firm ground things will start to look different. And just know you are nit alone... I am sure there are thousands of people who can relate to this today ❤️❤️

[mangobaby1]

Im really nervous to talk to the doctors & health visitor because I know they are already judging me for being a young mother (20) I feel like they won't give me help

[socksmcgraw]

Yes also wanted to add that you are absolutely not alone in feeling these things. We live in a culture where we often paint having a baby as idyllic but truly it is often incredibly hard and many of us have that faking it feeling. It DOES get easier I promise but please get help as you are so worth it. You sound like such a caring mum so look after yourself too. Can you speak to a trusted friend too? Thinking of you op and think of this as the first step to getting back to you. So much love to you xxx

[socksmcgraw]

They won't judge you I promise. Please reach out to them as they will know what to do to help you. Xxx

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

please do talk to your GP or health visitor. They won't judge. I had horrendous PND after my first child was born. My health visitor was wonderful.

[CarolineMumsnet]

We're so sorry you're going through this, OP

We hope you don't mind, but when threads like this are flagged to us – we like to link to some ideas for support. We have some more information about postnatal depression, here
We also wanted to share Mind’s information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.
Please do think about exploring some of the options in the links above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

[MajesticWhine]

Are you in England? If so then you can usually self refer for a talking therapy service without seeing your GP. And as a new mother it is often the case that you get prioritised so don't end up waiting for ages to speak to someone.
If you like PM me your location - maybe I can help you find the right service.

But your Gp or health visitor will not judge you they would be glad you are being open about what support you need.

[nina97]

Heya magobaby1 you are so brave. I had my first baby at 20 and can totally relate to your worry. I think when you are younger you feel like you have more to prove, well I felt like that, but I know now I should have been kinder to myself and the things I felt at twenty were the same things I felt at 35, and any professional will see this. And when you are 35, think about what will you tell someone of 20 with a small baby... You'll say, you're doing amazing, you're brilliant for reaching out, you're going to be OK, and welldone for getting help... You are so wise to recognise these feelings... I certainly didn't have your wisdom at 20. Do you have a relative or friend you can confide in..

I have a mum friend and she recently told me that she was in pieces when she had her first baby and when she started a conversation with me at a baby group she said I don't know what I'm doing... Apparently I told her we are all the same. And she said she felt so much better lol.... I promise you...reach out... You are not the only one. ❤️❤️❤️.

Do you have someone you can trust that could support you in speaking to a professional. X