Will I be referred to social services?

[Worried2020]

Hi all,

I’ve been feeling very anxious since my baby was born over three months ago. Just general health anxiety and worrying thoughts that baby could come to harm when out and about. Things like a car hitting us in the pram or someone spilling coffee on her in a coffee shop etc.

I thought it would get better but Its becoming quite exhausting so I’ve self referred for therapy through the NHS website - just doing that made me feel a bit better. Anyway I’ve just had the triage call today and the lady was very nice but the asked what my daughters name was as she said they need to know of any child in the house under 18. I’m now beside myself that they are going to call social services and she’ll be taken off me until I’m better. Will they refer me to social services? I’m terrified, my husband will be so upset with me (haven’t told him how I’m feeling as I don’t want to upset or worry him).

Can I call back and ask them to not do that? I’m so worried, I wish I’d never called up and just sorted it myself.

[Worried2020]

Bumping because I know this doesn’t get much traffic - perhaps I should move this to chat?

[Kerning]

I don't know if they will refer to SS but even if they do SS will not remove your baby for this. I've had some involvement with SS (completely different situation to you) and honestly they have been very very supportive.

You've done the right thing self-referring for therapy. Have you been to your GP or spoken to your Health Visitor about your anxiety?

Also you need to speak to your DH - wouldn't he want to know so that he can support you?

[Camsie30]

Couldn't read and leave. I have no experience of this but just wanted to say that I think you're really brave for seeking help. I'm sure no one is going to take your child away. Hopefully you will get help and support x

[mindfulmam]

I'm not completely sure but I think they will inform your HV for her to be aware and maybe visit you for support. That's ok. No one will take the baby from you

[Worried2020]

Oh I’m so worried 😟 I feel so stupid! I don’t want to tell my husband as he grew up with a close family member who had mental health problems and it blighted his childhood. I couldn’t do that to him x

[Worried2020]

I just don’t want any fuss from anyone, I just wanted to privately speak to a therapist and now I feel like it’s a bit out of control x

[Worried2020]

Thanks for all your replies xx

[EpcotForever]

I don't have any experience, but I have a similar mindset to you and miss out on so much in life due to worry.
I have never spoken to anyone else because I panic they could take away my children. I'm not sure if they do and thinking rationally I'm sure they don't. I always have something in my ear though.
Have you phoned them back at all? Maybe it could help to see a gp or someone in person now you've taken the first step.

[Comeonbabyyay]

Lovely of course you will be fine.
I am being referred to perinatal mental health team and I am on antidepressants with a newborn.
HV, GP, all involved.
It is a normal fear but if anything having a baby means you get more support and quicker.
Babies that need social services involvement are rarely from mums asking for help.
If they did that then mums would stop searching help in fear, imagine the consequences of that.
I would go see your GP. Honestly nobody is taking your baby away and your GP will reassure you.
I have had two babies and have had mental health involvement for both.
You are a good mum and you asked for help
Well done OP
It will get better

[Worried2020]

EpcotForever I feel so stupid, what have I done!? I’ve made things so much worse. I might try and phone back and cancel the therapy. Sorry you feel like this too xx

[Worried2020]

Comeonbabyyay sorry to hear you’re going through this too.

Perhaps it’s something I said, (she went through a questionnaire) perhaps I answered the questions in a way which worried her?

[Hadalifeonce]

When I had PND, I saw my GP he gave a a prescription for meds, referred me for counselling. My HV came to see me a couple of times. She approached a charity called Homestart, as I had a toddler too, they were very helpful and supportive.

I have no idea if SS were advised, I expect not. I was no danger to myself or the baby, I just needed extra support.

Please don't worry, if they see you are caring for your baby, they will just help you. From your OP I can see no reason why anyone would think you aren't a good mum, you are a little anxious, and in need of reassurance and support.

Please tell you DH how you are feeling, he too can help you.

Be kind to yourself, having a new baby is a little scary for everyone, sometimes a little more so for some.

[Hepsibar]

You are not stupid you are lovely. Talking things thru may help you deal with worries. No one is going to do anything and you may get some useful tips and strategies ... worth a go.

[TwitcherOfCurtains]

It would be incredibly unusual for SS to be contacted in your situation. It's only if they feel the child is at risk.

I have bipolar and have never had any SS involvement.

[Sally872]

Do not cancel the therapy. You have lots to gain from it. SS are really overworked and foster carers in short supply. They will absolutely not take your baby. Your baby is not at risk from you. You need help to rationalise your worries and manage your anxiety. But your anxiety will make you over cautious but wont make you a risk to your child.

Good luck, well done for taking the first step.

[Lightsong]

I was put on AD's and referred for CBT on the NHS by my GP shortly after my youngest was born. Much like you, I was so anxious about anything happening to him, I felt like we were living in a Final Destination film and death was out to get us.

I didn't get referred to SS and the therapy really helped. Honestly they just have to know your set up, you're doing the best thing you can and it wont get better on its own.

Good luck

[Puddlelane123]

They definitely won’t be referring to social services so please put that worry out of your mind. Social services have their hands full with children experiencing abuse and neglect, and they are not going to get involved in the case of a mother who is suffering from pna / pnd. Especially one who has the presence of mind to a) recognise this and b) self refer for counselling. Genuinely, do not give this a second thought.

Huge sympathies at what must be a challenging time. Health anxiety is exhausting especially when centred around a little human you adore.

[rottiemum88]

I’ve made things so much worse. I might try and phone back and cancel the therapy

OP, this is your anxiety talking. Try to calm down and accept the help you obviously need. Think about it logically, anyone involved can see that seeking help for the problem is a sign you want to be healthy, for the sake of your baby. Cancelling that help because you're now panicking is likely to raise alarm bells more than anything. It will be ok, but you should tell your husband. He's likely to be considerably more hurt if he finds out from someone else and then realises you didn't feel you could tell him. He isn't a child anymore who needs you to protect him...

[Worried2020]

Thank you everyone!

Lightsong thank you your post has reassured me! That’s exactly how I’m feeling, it’s like a horror movie in my head! I only feel ok when it’s just me and the baby at home because I know I can keep her safe x

[AmelieTaylor]

Please don’t worry.

SS might be unformed & get in touch, but only to support you.

They do not take babies away from loving parents with a bit of anxiety.

The worst thing you could do now would be to cancel the therapy! That’s your anxiety talking!

Have you seen your GP in case you have PND? It’s hormones, it’s nothing to be worried or ashamed/embarrassed about & doesn’t mean you don’t adore your baby. Just pesky hormone imbalance. You’ll feel much better if you get some help from your GP if it is that.

[CatsCatsCats11]

No I'm going through similar in pregnancy, it's because they have specialist teams for pregnancy and early motherhood they will fast track you.

[Kerning]

Please don't cancel the therapy. You've done the right thing reaching out for support - you recognised you couldn't continue and proactively sought help. Take all the help you can get.

Think of it as a team of professionals trying to help you - you've reached out to one by self-referring for therapy and they may in turn reach out to others for you e.g. your Health Visitor.

Some info on postnatal anxiety here, am sure there are lots of other resources online too:

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk

xx

[Worried2020]

rottiemum88 yes I expect you’re right, it’s me thinking the worst as usual. It’s exhausting.

Really can’t tell my husband, he doesn’t handle mental health issues well. His sibling has recently had issues and he was very angry about it as he was worried about the pressure on put on his parents x

[Worried2020]

AmelieTaylor yes saw my gp yesterday, he wasn’t really interested. He said I shouldn’t take AD while breastfeeding...

[Worried2020]

I hope they don’t tell my health visitor, she wasn’t the easiest person to speak too and I really don’t want to speak to lots of people, I’m quite embarrassed by the whole thing tbh