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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Anybody else feel like they cannot be around partner?

11 replies

kate10x · 31/05/2019 21:38

Hey guys, totally new to this and first time I've ever been on mumsnet. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, first baby, and I'm really struggling.
I have been with my partner for a year, recently got engaged and found out I'm pregnant. All happened very fast but it has been everything I've ever dreamed of.. and more!
When I met my partner and for the last year we have been so in love, happy, everything. Since I've been pregnant, over the last 3 weeks it's like a switch has gone and I feel nothing for him? I don't want to be around him? I don't want sex? I don't want him cuddling or kissing me?
How on earth has this happened as all I've done is love and fancy him? It's really starting to bother me and I feel myself crying daily as I'm thinking s%&t, what has happened?
I want to know please if any of you Mummy's out there have felt like this, or experienced this? Do these feelings come back and this is purely raging hormones? Thank you xx

OP posts:

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Joopy · 31/05/2019 23:33

I think it's hormones, have you talked to him about it? It sounds like a lot he happened recently that will change your life, how are you feeling about marriage and babies?

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MiniMum97 · 31/05/2019 23:49

I had this with my second pregnancy. I was also very depressed but the odd thing for me was, as you say, like a switch had gone off. I felt absolutely nothing for my partner or my son. Didn't want the baby. Wanted an abortion. Felt dead inside. Felt irritated and angry by all of my loved ones. I believe it was antenatal depression. Horrible.

Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom or hope that it fades after so many weeks or whatever because unfortunately I miscarried and those feelings went then.

Seek help. There are specialist pregnancy mental health teams. Speak to your midwife and see if they can refer you.

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MiniMum97 · 31/05/2019 23:52

I also felt like if changed personality and everything I had previously wanted I suddenly no longer wanted. I felt very cold and uncaring. Just wanted to be on my own. It was a very weird feeling and place to be. I have never felt anything like it before or since and I have had difficulty with depression and anxiety on and off since my teens...it felt completely different to "normal" depression.

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kate10x · 01/06/2019 10:22

Thanks guys, it's relieving to know a couple of you have had similar. It's just bizarre, the love I felt before is still there but I just feel very detached from him and life really. Planned baby, now thinking oh my goodness what have I done? I don't want to abort although it's gone through my mind. I've had a previous ectopic which was horrific so I don't feel I want to do anything to this pregnancy. It's a blessing to be able to conceive and I wouldn't want to abort this little life I had planned to create!
Just feeling crap, hoping it's raging hormones. The love for my other half was all there 3 weeks ago so it's quite coincidental that I'm at the peak of hormones and feeling this.. hoping all settles down. Thanks girls, nice to be able to chat, not be judged and get it off my chest! X

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kate10x · 01/06/2019 10:28

And yes, planned to have a baby, I've been begging my partner for 6 months.. now it's here I'm like what have I done.. no feeling for baby or partner! Hard being a woman at times!!! X

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MiniMum97 · 01/06/2019 15:16

Hopefully it will pass. Hang on in there and I would ask for help from your midwife now as there can be a waiting list. If it's passed by the time you get an appointment you can just let them know it's not needed and it will be given to someone else.

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ReggaetonLente · 01/06/2019 15:37

We planned our DD and I remember feeling a bit panicked about it when I found out I was pregnant. A bit 'oh shit, what now?' Its a massive thing to deal with even though she was very wanted. I didnt seriously consider terminating but it went through my mind, I also remember thinking I wouldn't be sad if I miscarried. I dont know if it was a self preservation thing or what. Anyway, she's 9mo now and the light of our lives, life without her doesn't bear thinking about.

Hang in there OP, hormones are funny things and we don't all react to things how the movies would have us believe.

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kate10x · 01/06/2019 15:46

Thank you! Yep exactly the same thoughts have passed through my mind. The biggest worry of mine is the feelings towards my partner that seem to have changed. How come 3 weeks ago he was the absolute love of my life and now I cannot bare to be with him. Very odd and very scary.. just hoping it's alllll hormones and I start to chill in a few weeks! Hormones are scary things! X

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ReggaetonLente · 01/06/2019 22:31

I remember ages ago there was a lady on here who started a thread saying she suddenly couldn't bear her husband, his smell made her feel sick, the sound of his breathing made her rage, etc. And she didn't know why... so many people told her to take a test and she was pregnant! I do think it is a recognised thing!

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RabBreen · 24/11/2019 23:27

Hi @Kate10x,

My partner and I recently underwent IVF treatment as we were not ble to conceive and have thankfully been successful. Prior to beginning IVF she noted that she was feeling low and went to the GP for help with depression. She was prescribed pills, but having read into their side effects online and how long they took to settle she decided not to take them because the impact would not be settled before undergoing hormone therapy necessary to begin IVF.

Fast forward to now, and she has described much of the same as the things you are saying. She cant stand being around me (unless were in company, where she will put on a front) she cant stand my smell, and I have taken to sleeping in the spare room in order to keep the peace. Theres no intimacy and she flinches and grimaces if I try to hug or kiss her. She has also expressed a love that is hate for me, and even that she doesn't want the baby we spent three and a half years trying to conceive.

I had looked into depression and learned about AND following an earlier argument, but upon raising it as a reason for her altered mood and feelings, she would not accept it.

Today, we had another fight which ended with her acknowledging that AND may be the reason for this, but didn't want to talk to anyone about it and feels that any support will not help. I have told her repeatedly that I am wiling to help however I can, but I don't know what to do...

Are you still experiencing the same feelings, or lack of, with your partner? And if so, has there been anything he has been able to do to reduce any damaging effects this might otherwise have on your relationship?

Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated! And I appreciate I am not the appropriate gender to really be seeking assistance here, but having looked around on Dadsnet, there didn't seem to be any relevant experience to call on...Thanks :)

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kate10x · 25/11/2019 08:48

Ahh I'm so sorry to here this, but so amazing to hear about your IVF results.

I really suffered during the first three months of my pregnancy. I'm now 34 weeks and to look back at my post really scares me as I was a completely different person.

I got to about the 13-14 week mark and started to feel like myself again, I looked at my partner in the way I did before pregnancy and then started to fancy him again. A few days went by and I thought ok this is going to be fine, and as the days and weeks went by I can only describe the change as being quite amazing. I look at him now and feel more love than I ever have, and get quite upset and feel so so guilty that I ever felt I didn't love him.

I really struggled with the hormones. Hormones okay such a huge part in life and pregnancy, and the change our bodies go through is just so powerful. To your wife, Just hang on in there. I am 98% sure this is a hormone thing, and once you reach the end of pregnancy, she will be feeling much better towards you. Hope this helps, feel free to message again if so xxx