I need some help and advice.

[Kylie1985]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe anxiety and depression. I have a 3 year old daughter and I have PTSD from her labour (I haemorrhaged and also developed a very nasty infection in my stitches). I also had post-natal depression. My life around me is falling apart too. My husband was awful during my first pregnancy (couldn't care less about the upcoming baby and used to say "you're pregnant. You're not dying" if I ever complained of being tired). He was amazing after I gave birth (physical pain resonates with him but mental does not). But our relationship is in tatters now. He routinely lies to me about everything. He doesn't contribute towards our lives. I have to do everything from cleaning and cooking to organising Christmas and birthday. I feel totally overwhelmed and if I ever drop the ball, I have nobody there to catch me. The pressure is immense. I've decided I can't take anymore and I want a divorce. He doesn't seem to care and just tells me what an awful person I am. The stress and anxiety is getting too much for me. I have now fallen out with my parents (because my father essentially said I should have never married my husband anyway) and now my best friend (one of the only people I feel I can rely on) has just told me she can't handle my negativity anymore and if it keeps up we will drift apart. I don't have many friends as a lot of them have moved abroad and live thousands of miles away so it's hard to talk to other people. I do probably rely on this friend too heavily but it's hard not to be negative. I feel sad all the time. I'm not eating. Hardly sleeping. Yesterday I stood in the shower and just cried for 20 minutes. Sobbed. Wished for a better life. Wished things would changed. I feel hopeless and alone. And I feel like nobody cares anymore. They don't want to hear I'm unhappy. They don't want me to bring them down. The only thing that's stopped me from hurting myself is the fact I'm pregnant. I couldn't make that decision for another human being. But I'm scared of what's going to happen when I give birth. I feel like I have nobody left. I don't feel like I'm a good mum and I feel like everybody would be happier if I just disappeared. My husband knows I have mental health issues and hasn't once asked me how I am doing. My parents know and don't ask or fob me off if I mention and as I said, even my best friend is basically telling me to stop talking about it. Everyone says if you are depressed, tell someone. Ask for help. I feel like I'm screaming for somebody to pull me back from the edge of the cliff but nobody hears me.

[Stroller15]

Oh OP i am so sorry to read this. It must be incredibly tough having to deal with all of this. Can you speak to your GP and really emphasise how overwhelmed you are feeling and that you don't have support in real life. I really hope things improve for you. I am sorry I can't be of more help, I hope there will be knowledgable posters along soon but do know you are not alone and you mean the world to your little one and baby.

[Ladysap]

Please go and talk to your gp. Have you been offered counselling for your PTSD? I was after my traumatic birth and it made a massive difference. It was in the hospital where my dd was born and they walked me through the theatre where the trauma occurred and it really helped me to let go (it took me 3 years to pluck up the courage to do it but I was so glad I did). I'm sorry about your husband not being the person you need him to be - that's sounds exceptionally tough - have you told him what you need in order just to keep going? Can you have an honest discussion with your parent/s about your situation and how you really need their love and support not their judgement? Sorry I don't have the answers for your situation I hope this may help.

[Kylie1985]

I've been referred by my midwife and spoken to 6 different medical professionals. All promised to help. Nobody has. It's an initial conversation and then I'm passed on to somebody else. Each time I have to run through everything again. I've tried so many times to ask my friends and family for help and say to them how sad I am but nobody listens. I'm either told to be positive or told to stop talking about it because my negativity is bringing them down.

[Ladysap]

Have you spoken to your gp or just the midwife? The NHS can be frustrating and it sounds like you will need to persist to get what you need.

I guess you need to find some time for yourself and write down what is most important to you and go after those things one at a time. You are the only person in the world with the power to find happiness, and your children deserve for you to be a happy person again.it may be that you need a fresh start in order to achieve that. Be brave and go for what you truly believe.

[Kylie1985]

I've spoken to everyone my GP would refer me to already. I think the NHS just aren't sure what to do with me so I keeping getting passed on to somebody else. It's not long until my due date and I just can't see myself getting the help I need now.