Not enjoying being a mum

[Splattmanchoo]

Hi, my first time on mumsnet. Just looking for a ray of hope. I’ve been diagnosed with Severe post natal depression, generalised anxiety disorder & panic disorder. I’ve spent some time in a mother & baby unit but I’m at home now and on meds. My baby is almost 5 months old and I still don’t enjoy being a mum. I’m hoping I’m just not a baby person and as she gets older I’ll enjoy it/feel that love you hear about. Any rays of hope out there?

[HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had a hard time mental health wise lately- not kid related, but shit nevertheless- and I totally get it. Getting on the right drugs really helped me. What are you on? I’ve had to try a couple.

I’ve got a 4yo and a 2yo and I can say with confidence that the stage starting from about 2.5 is when it gets better. I’ve enjoyed both my children more since then.

[HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame]

Sorry, hit “post” too soon. It does get better. Have you got a partner there to support you?

[RavenClaw180]

It gets better. It really does. When I had my first I had so much anxiety, no one was allowed to hold him but me. But at the same time I hated what had happened to my body, my life, everything. My first screamed constantly and nothing I did worked. I felt like a fraud, like everyone else had this mothering thing down pat. I used to just sit there, holding him , both of us staring at each other. None of it came naturally, I had NO idea what to do with him and I was isolated with very little support.

He's in his teens now and he's amazing. Bit by bit I muddled my way through, some days were harder than others, but overall it got better. I adore him and I'm proud of the young man he's growing in to.

What helped me was finding parenting blogs that told it how it really is, but at the same time showed how to appreciate each stage my baby was at, how to be kind to myself and how to accept that this was all part of the journey. Forcing myself to go out for a walk with him each day was important, even if only round the block. Mumsnet helps too, even just lurking in threads and seeing what others are doing to naviagte this stage helps you to feel less alone.

Another thing to remember is, all mums are different, so don't compare yourself to them. As long as you're keeping your baby warm,fed,clean and cuddled, they'll be absolutely fine. They won't even remember this stage!

Also, some babies are just hard work! My third was such as easy baby. Approaching their tweens now and bloody hell, give me strength to survive this!

[Middlrm]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I haven’t gone through what you have I perhaps had mild depression for the first couple of months real black moments where I just wanted to die and then the guilt for thinking that was making it worse but luckly I seem to have gotten away with a short spout.

The only ray can give you is it’s out of your control, but you can heal.

Someone I work with said that she didn’t enjoy being a mum until her daughter was 12 months olD it takes different amounts of time for different people

My experience is but a tiny insight to
What you are going through but I hope
Like me perhaps with more time you will love being a mummy ... it’s just you have a severe case so more time to adjust and heal is needed.

There is so much pressure to tell everyone how amazing being a mum is and how Magical the bond is and the instant flow of love ... but not everyone feels it as intensely as others do the moment they are born ... just try not to feel guilty or like a bad mum... you are poorly and it will take time.

Take each day as it comes and perhaps
As their personality comes out you will find common ground to bond.

I hope you had some better experienced ladies who are able to help share their experiences with you ... just take each day and don’t look too far to the future at the moment x x

[MsMustDoBetter]

I promise you that it won't be this way forever.

I was so ill (and undiagnosed) with my first that I used to drive strange routes in case anyone was following us in an attempt to kidnap DD. I also thought that she was likely to die if I got anything wrong. I was full of nerves and anxiety.

It changes your life forever and the shock of it is difficult to come to terms with. The best advice that I had was a mum of 4 saying "just give in to it, trying to resist will drive you potty". She was right, I had to resign myself to it and put all my needs/liberties on hold for a while. Suddenly everything became more manageable, I could cope, I want full of joy but there were glimmers.

[inthekitchensink]

It gets so much better, I can’t believe how happy & content I am now she’s 2 than when I was when you are now, which was very, very dark. I’m a big believer in sleep, meds & talking therapy. And I really think it’s sleep that makes all the difference. Make sleep your hobby for the next two years til you catch up - and eat well, and don’t drink or definitely very little, that set me back. You will be yourself again, I promise, albeit a little different but it will all come back. Seek help, doctors for physical and mental health, and as much sleep as people can offer to babysit for. This WILL pass 💐

[HumpHumpWhale]

5 months was the absolute bottom for me, it got better from there - and I wasn't even diagnosed with pnd. It's so so hard, but it truly does get easier and better. I even had a second! My kids are 5 and 2.5 now and they're so great.

[SlB09]

It does get better.....much much better & we're only at 18m. I did not enjoy the first year, the first probably 5-6months was just going through the motions. Never thought I would ever feel that love that I felt I should, didn't feel like a 'mum', hated how life, body, relationship, friendships, spare time had changed.
Go easy on yourself, go with the flow if you can it's is so early for you right now. Once you open up it's so so common for some to detest that first year, some to love newborns but toddlers are just too much, some 'natural' mothers and alot more who love their own but can't stand other people's!! It's such a major change to your life and it takes time to adjust, and you will I absolutely promise x

[Echobelly]

I have a friend who suffered from severe PND but she loves life with her DD now. There is support out there, do use it and do keep taking

[Splattmanchoo]

Thankyou so much for your messages, I really appreciate it. You're all so kind xxx