Do I have PND?

[LittleGreySheep]

I am just so bored with my baby. My life for the past three months has been an endless cycle of rock, feed, burp, change, wave a toy in front of his face while he chews his fists. All the books say "sleep when he sleeps"... which only works if he sleeps. Yesterday he woke up at 7am, had three 15 minute naps (because I had spent an hour rocking him) and finally went to sleep about 10pm. I can't read or watch tv or occupy my brain in any way - every waking second is spent rocking and rattling plastic toys and pulling silly faces. Then when he's finally asleep, I sleep. I have no time for myself. He's supposed to sleep and give me a few hours to myself every day! If by some miracle he dozes off in the afternoon I literally sit with one hand surfing the web and the other hand over the dog's mouth to prevent her barking and waking the baby. If she does bark and he wakes up I cry hysterically at the loss of my precious free time.

I don't get a night off because I'm breastfeeding. DH doesn't get home from work till 8pm, he takes the baby and I'm still not free because I have to cook dinner and rush around doing housework before bed at 10pm and I'm back on duty. And that's a good night because at least I've been away from the baby... some weeks DH works away two nights Wed/Thurs and drives back on Friday night, getting home at 10.30pm to grab a snack and go straight to bed. So I'm in sole charge of the baby from bedtime on Tuesday till breakfast time on Saturday. Depending if DH is busy I might have the baby most of the weekend too.

I've had to give up my hobbies. I can't even sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine. And there's no end in sight because I no longer have a job to go back to and the sort of job I'm likely to get wouldn't cover childcare. I basically don't exist as a person any more and I am going insane. That's before we even talk about the state of my body after childbirth and the resulting loss of self esteem. And the worst part is that I inflicted this on myself. I'm typing this with one hand on my phone while walking up and down jiggling the baby with the other arm. Is this what PND is? Just the mind-numbing boredom of being tied to a baby who is as interesting as a sack of potatoes?

[LittleMissB83]

Sorry you’re going through this. Is your son 13 weeks old? Mine is coming up to that (11 weeks yesterday).

Might sound silly but do you go out with your baby at all? I try to go out every day and do something with him. There are a few baby groups here, or I try and meet with a friend, or even just take my son for a half hour walk. I don’t have a lot of cash but there are a few things which are free/cheap, and obviously just meeting for a coffee isn’t expensive.

I’m not sure if it’s PND or not (not qualified to say!) but I think a certain amount of boredom with a young baby is normal. I definitely start to feel it if I’ve been in the house too long with my son, particularly if he’s a bit cluster feedy and whingey. I’m a single mum so I have to come up with strategies to keep sane!

[LittleMissB83]

Sorry, meant to write 12 weeks, fat fingers!

[Mbaby40]

Hi I hear you and feel the same. My baby is 7 weeks and today I feel like I'm losing it. The grieving for my previous freedom and adult company. My baby does have naps but they vary every day and I find it hard to switch off. I suffer with anxiety which today had reared its ugly annoying voice. Also feel that BF is taking its toll . I've made a decision today to start weaning this as I feel it's the right time for me to get back some independence and I need more structure with the feeds and not relentless clustering.
I agree on the need to get out even if just for a short walk, the staring at the four walls can't be healthy. Not saying I'm doing this but I am going to start trying.
I also opened up today to friends my partner and my mum. Talking to someone does help even if for 10 minutes. I've asked them to help me when they can during the day even if just for a cuppa.
I hope you have a better evening xxx

[Mbaby40]

@LittleGreySheep how's your day going? My friend told me today that everything your experiencing sounds normal. BF babies have really random short nap times. Can you get anyone over during the day for a chat x

[SallyAnne86]

Recently been diagnosed with PND. Well as much as you can be via conversation.

My daughter is now 10 months and I've been battling really since day dot. It's come to a head recently.

I wake up with a feeling of dread - I'm living a ground hog day existence - I find naps stressful and find myself praying for the miracle 3 Hour nap so I can get stuff done and have me time. However that never happens and I find myself upset when dd naps for 30 mins.

I feel like I force myself to be a mother and when I look at my partner I find myself wishing I could be as natural like he is with her. I love my daughter. So much. But I can't help thinking she's be better off without me as a mother.

My partner says he understands but his actions say different. He says stuff like life is good and I find myself thinking is it? Is It really?

I'm overwhelmed with remembering everything when we go out-buying all the house hold products to keep our house functioning and then when I say I have no money he says we need to look at our finance. Everything goes on dd! I pay for utilities, water bill , pet insurance - and I bought my self some clothes because I'm too fat to get into my pre pregnancy clothes.

Sometimes I feel so helpless and I don't think my partner supports me and doesn't recognise PND - or that I'm just mental and crap to live with.

Does anyone else feel like this.

[Choice4567]

How old is your baby? Why can't you watch tv when feeding?

[Mbaby40]

Hi SallyAnne

You are so not alone. Everyone assumes becoming a Mum is a easy transition. It is far from easy for some. Letting go of your old life and independence is a massive challenge. You have to remind yourself everyday that you have achieved loads for 9 months pregnancy and then 10 months of keeping a little person alive and keeping your home going and looking after yourself. I started taking anxiety medication after 10 weeks. I've suffered all my life and I knew the signs (dread in the morning) panic at nap times. Do speak to your GP and right down all the thoughts and feelings your having. Talk to friends and family tell them your struggling you are feeling overwhelmed. It helps and is the only way you will get through. Remember to breathe slowly if you are feeling panicked. Your doing a great job and every day will be different but look after yourself as much as you look after little one xxx

[Harmonyrays]

Have you tried a sling? It'll give you a chance to get some things done with baby calm.