Baby Blues

[Poppydm]

Hi everyone,
Just feeling really quite low and looking for some reassurance. Baby girl is now 6 days old. I went through labour and then ended up needing a c section. She's beautiful and alert and doing everything she should be doing and I so want to be enjoying this time with her and my husband but I just feel awful.
It started on the journey home from hospital on Day 3. I was just having ridiculous thoughts that made me cry. Things like how I wanted to protect her, make sure she has a great life etc. We've had a few really tough nights with her since being home. She has been cluster feeding 12am-6am so I'm absolutely exhausted. Every day, I'm so so emotional and I'm crying constantly. The smallest thing makes me cry. My husband is being amazing. He's really stepping up and trying to support and help me in every way he can. This makes me cry, firstly because I appreciate him so much but also just makes me feel this guilt. I feel empty and emotionless, including towards my baby and I have no appetite. I want to bond with my baby and enjoy her but I just can't see out of this fog I feel I am in. Is this normal? Has anyone got any similar experiences that could offer any advice or reassurance?
Thank you in advance x

[Wait4nothing]

I don't know if it's normal but I definitely felt the blues around this time - lack of sleep and too many hormones made me a bit of a mess- gave you a health visitor or midwife appointment soon? I'd mention in case it is more extreme than feeling down. Be kind to yourself - you've just done something amazing and it's bloody hard at this point.

[Poppydm]

Thanks for replying. I had a MW visit yesterday and I did mention it to her. She just wrote in my notes that I was teary and we'd keep an eye on it. I have a HV visit on Tuesday so I will also mention it to her if I'm still feelin this way. Just wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar.

[YokoReturns]

Yes, your hormones crash around this time, I was a mess with DS1 (less so with DS2 although still teary). However, if it's not better after the weekend, might be worth a chat with your HV about feeling low.

[Changingoftheguard]

Hiya, just wanted to say that I felt really similar when I had my lo.

I dreaded the evenings and when it started to get darker as that's when it would start, I'd be a blubbering wreck and cry so much, scared of anything bad happening, wanting to make them feel so safe and be happy. My partner thought I had pnd but it honestly did pass, I can't remember exactly when but it didn't last too long.

Maybe mention it to the health visitor, I did and she said it was completely normal especially if breastfeeding.

I remember my mam and sister coming over and I'd put a sheet thing on the wrong way round in the pram and I started sobbing thinking I was a terrible mam and what it my lo had been uncomfy.

She's 16 month now and that time seems so crazy when I think back, currently 38 weeks pregnant so I've earned my partner to expect it all again and lol, it does get better, stay strong, it's such a hazy blur at the beginning just muddling through being so sleep deprived.

[Poppydm]

Hi Yoko, thanks for replying. When you say you were a mess, was it similar to how I'm feeling? I will mention it to her if I'm no better.

[Poppydm]

Thanks so much Changing. It's an awful feeling that I just can't seem to shift. Really helps to hear other people's experiences. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Not long now :-)!

[Changingoftheguard]

I really do remember that feeling, it's hard to explain but it was a sadness and emotion that I'd never felt.

Honestly don't be hard on yourself it's so tough when your so tired and trying to be the best person and mam you can be. It really should get better for you stay strong and know your definitely not the only one to have felt like this and thank you not long at all :-)

[Dede124]

Bless you!! No experience post baby but I am 23 weeks pregnant now and feel such overwhelming protection and responsibility for when the baby is here to the point where I can't stop crying. It takes over my mind when I think about how I need to protect and love her and she's not even here yet.

I'm sure your exhausted and your hormones are all over the place. Don't feel guilty and speak to your health visitor if it continues xx

[Poppydm]

Thanks Dede. How has your pregnancy been so far? Well was another sleepless night for me. Three explosive nappies and a baby who just wouldn't go down. Really really struggling with these nights.

[HopeAndJoy16]

I found the first two weeks really, really tough. I dreaded the nights too, and literally couldn't wait until the baby finally slept and I could pass her to my DH and roll over and sleep. It eased off, and by the time my parents came to stay (week 3-4) I felt like we were coping well enough that I didn't actually need much help. What got me through was repeating "it WILL get better" and "it doesn't last forever" over and over. I was also so scared of not doing it (parenting) "right" so my DH kept telling me that it was ok, we were doing ok! And that also saved my sanity. My DD is now 8 weeks old and those nights feel like a lifetime ago!

Keep talking to your midwife and HV, and if you feel like it isnt getting better see the GP. It's hard when you physically need to recover too so be kind to yourself and accept as much help as you can get xx

[HopeAndJoy16]

Sorry I don't know if that helps at all, but really hoping it starts feeling better for you soon

[plimsolls]

I felt exactly like that from about day 4 to day 14. In the evenings especially. It used to get to about 6pm and my OH would say "is it hormone o'clock yet?" (In a nice way!) And he'd turn round I'd be sitting there with tears streaming down my face for all sorts of random reasons. I also used to feel extremely anxious, like if anyone else held the baby, I'd feel actually sick that they might drop her. It totally got better and I knew it was just related to post natal hormone crash/adjusting to new life.

Friends have had similar experience.

As PP have said, keep an eye on it and keep
talking to people but hopefully it'll just wear off naturally.

[plimsolls]

Sorry, the other thing was that I struggled with nights too. And then it came to me in a flash that of course she wouldn't go down st night yet. She doesn't know she's meant to!! It takes time for them to learn about sleeping and night times. Once we started planning for the fact that nights would be very broken, it got easier. E'g. OH would take her for an hour or two and I would sleep, understanding I'd be up again to feed her at midnight. And so on.

[Poppydm]

Honestly thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences. It really helps. Hope do you have any advice in terms of what to expect on a typical night? How to share feeds reposnsinilty with DH when breast feeding? Did you express or top up with formula? The baby has a tongue tie which she is having the procedure for on Wednesday so hoping that helps. Plimsolls I would say I'm the same in terms of time of the day. That's what's making me hopeful that it is just tiredness and hormones and nothing more serious and that hopefully it will pass soon. Thank you so much again x

[YokoReturns]

Poppy I just cried all the time, thought I'd never stop! It calmed down after about 48 hours (so Day 6/7) and I was feeling okay again. I had a horrible 3rd degree tear so I was quite low in myself, plus DS1 had jaundice and spent time back in hospital under the lights. Just keep an eye on your mood over the coming days and weeks :)

[YokoReturns]

PS I never shared feeds with DH, I ci-slept and breast fed whilst dozing. It's the best way to get sleep, if done safely.

[HopeAndJoy16]

Agree with Yoko, Co sleeping means I've been able to get much more rest plus baby also sleeps better!

How are you feeling Poppy? Xx

[mintich]

I had the blues for the first two weeks. Now at 5 weeks and feeling fine. You'll get through it but if you don't feel your mood start to lift then you need to talk to your partner and health visitor/GP

[LittleL232]

I felt just like you Poppydm. Having a baby is kind of like throwing your hormones, physical body and emotions all up into the air at once, and you just have to see where it all settles. I cried all the time in the first couple of weeks, I was really overwhelmed and combined with a lack of sleep I was a blubbering wreck. It should get better when you get into a bit of a routine. I found co-sleeping gave me a bit of extra sleep. If you don't start to feel better though, let someone know, don't keep it to yourself.

[Poppydm]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm feeling a little better. Haven't cried as much the past few days. The baby has tongue tie and is getting the procedure for that done this week so really hoping that helps in terms of feeding. She struggles to get s full feed meaning she cluster feeds like crazy. What do you use for co-sleeping? Don't really know much about it. We have a snuzpod but haven't used it attached to the bed yet as I had to have a c section so was struggling to get in and out of bed.
Thanks for the reply mintich. When you say you had the blues, how were you feeling/behaving?

[FellOutOfBed2wice]

Yes, I had this both times. First daughter from about day 5-8, second daughter a bit later, probably says 7-10. I just kept crying and felt like the world was frightening and big and awful and that I was utterly out of control. I tried to explain it to my DH and said I felt like the veil between life and death had collapsed and I could see past the veneer of the world and knew it was really terrifying and I had never felt more sad or anxious. He looked at me like I was a lunatic!!! I did mention it to my midwife at the time, and it did go away quickly. Was less worried the second time obviously as I knew the drill.

[YokoReturns]

We used a Chicco Next2Me crib for co-sleeping. Glad you're feeling better

[Sarah328]

I suffered with my first two and felt a lot like FellOutOfBed2wice did, and on my third pregnancy I decided to try a thing called placenta encapsulation, which basically turns your own placenta into pill form for you to take 3 times a day. Either it was a coincidence or it really worked for me and actually made me feel better than usual . Just thought I'd throw that one out there. I used a lovely lady called Natalie from //www.surreyplacentas.co.uk . I know it can't help you after this pregnancy Popydm but maybe in the future it can. Also after my first 2 pregnancies the feeling did not last forever and did eventually pass so although it feels like the feeling will stay forever, it really won't and you'll be fine, it lasted a couple of weeks for me :-(
I hope this helps x
Sarah