"Baby makes it all worthwhile"

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

I hate being pregnant. I've had HG both times and just generally dislike feeling uncomfortable and fed up, tired etc. I don't enjoy the movements etc. There is literally nothing magical about pregnancy for me.

People say to me, or I see it said to others, "when you hold your baby in your arms it will all have been worth it", or words to that effect. I know that this is not the case.

I was so poorly and struggled so much after my first that I almost gave him up. I had horrendous PND and psychosis. It was 20 months before I genuinely enjoyed my son for the first time.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today and I'm terrified. I'm wondering what on earth possessed me to ever consider a second child.

I just needed to vent about the "worthwhile" thing, because it really wasn't true for me last time. I'm not expecting any great advice or anything. Just needed to say it to someone.

[pebbles1976]

Hey there,

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and have a 2.5 year old. I too had PND and it was only when I was finally diagnosed and treated (when she was 1) that I started really enjoying being a mum.

I came off AD when I found out I was pregnant and now I'm terrified too. I have so much anxiety about the baby, the birth, how I'm going to cope etc. I'm not enjoying this one bit yet. I'm worrying that I now have antenatal depression, but not sure if it's just morning sickness, tiredness etc. I think I will wait til 12 weeks and see if it goes.

I'm also wondering what the hell I've done, but know deep down that this baby is very much wanted.

Feels nice to vent - fed up of these thoughts going round in my head...

Pebbles.

[troodiedoo]

When people say things like that it comes from a well meaning place. Those last few weeks before the birth can be terrifying I know. This is a different pregnancy and baby. You might not suffer the same with this one. But you know what to look out for so you are better prepared if you do. I assume your midwife is aware of your history? Please tell a medical professional how you are feeling.

[MorrisZapp]

When I had pnd my doctor said 'is he worth it though?', with a wink and a smile. Obviously she was a kind doctor and meant well but I felt like she just hadn't listened to me at all. No, he wasn't worth it. My life was ruined and I hated being a mother, hence my request for medication.

All those people who say 'it'll all be worth it when you get to meet your baby' are the lucky ones who experienced overwhelming love for their newborns. I personally felt nothing at all for mine, it took months to grow into a fully bonded relationship.

I was only ill for a relatively short time, the ad's sorted me out. See your doctor, and take any medication they prescribe.

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

Hi all, thanks for replying. I've been on ADs for many years and stayed on them throughout both pregnancies (sertraline fyi, no need to go without!). I'm under a consultant, the perinatal mental health midwife and a psychiatrist so lots of support underneath me.

Still feels shit, though.

[KatyN]

I hear you! I was on the list to be sterilised before my second child was 6 months old. Pregnancy and tiny baby stages are not for me. I said after my first if I could have another one without the pregnancy and the first 3 months I would have had another in a heartbeat. Actually it took me 4 years to face doing it again and I hated it again.
Mine are now 5 and 18 months and lookin back I would say it was worth it. But nothing would make me do it again.
What helped for me was picking a date in the future when I knew it would be 'better' by. So maybe for you it would be Christmas? It's a while away but you know it'll come so if you accept it will be a bit (!) shit but it will come to an end?
Good luck, kx