Scared of being alone with baby

[user1484154332]

Hello everyone,

My little boy is 10 months old. During the first 4 months, he suffered from reflux, didn't sleep and constantly cried Day in day out. I spent a lot of time alone with him with no respite. My family don't live close by and my fiancé works long hours. I suffer with anxiety and the need to keep routine and I'm extremely introverted (I know that's impossible with a baby) so when my little one arrived I struggled. I breastfed for 7 months and I feel like it drained me physically even though I did enjoy it. My family used to make horrible comments about me to my face "no wonder he has had, it's all the crap you eat" "I'm surprised you've taken to motherhood like you have" and my fiances family promised help but never offered it when it came to the crunch. When my little one was 4 months I started working 2 days a week and he went to nursery. He loves it now and now goes to a childminder 3 days a week as I've upped my hours. The problem is, I feel panicked whenever I'm alone with him. I love him and love being with him when I'm with someone but really really panic when I'm alone with him. As a result I avoid time with him which makes me feel guilty. Is this a symptom of post natal depression? I'm acutely aware that I should be with him to build a bing but I feel like he's better off with the childminder who constantly plays and has fun with him. Please help. Whenever I think of the first few months after he was born I feel so grateful to have moved past it. I feel almost traumatised

[SophieGiroux]

I think you should go to your doctor and talk to them about how you feel (or a health visitor if you still have one).

[EllenRipley]

I'm no doctor or psychologist, but this does sound like a symptom of PND, especially if you suffer from anxiety. I felt the same when I was diagnosed with it, the birth and the first few months definitely felt traumatic and my symptoms didn't fully appear until after the shit part was over! It also sounds like you haven't had much support and don't discount your hormones still being in flux at this stage. So, go visit your GP to discuss - if you're not averse to anti depressants they can make all the difference and you may be able to access some counselling to work through things. Both helped me get back on track. Don't despair, it's common and does and will get better but you you have to be proactive about it. Good luck! X