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Angry, like really angry

(13 Posts)
Desperina Sat 25-Feb-17 19:21:07

Can anyone relate?

About half an hour ago I filled my sink with smashed plates and glasses, scraped a knife down my arm and round my wrist (not bleeding just look like I've been tickling the wrong cat), tried to destroy my phone with a wall, tore up some paperwork and other things, hyperventilated for about 15 minutes, because bf sent me a quite insensitively worded text message. This is happening to me a lot at the moment (I am 32 weeks).

I am already under the acute mental health team and awaiting a referral to peri-natal because I have been suicidal. I feel like I could do anything right now (although I have calmed down a lot).

I could get in the car and go to hospital but I can't stop thinking of the satisfaction of driving it into a wall.

I have been depressed for years but I've never been a screaming, raging, violent angry person.

I want to die, I want to not be in this situation anymore. I don't see any way out.

Kleptronic Sat 25-Feb-17 19:35:59

Flowers for you flowers I can't begin to say I understand how you feel, but I have had my times. This situation is not fact. This situation will change. You can get through this. You have done well putting it out here. Feelings can and do change. How are you feeling right now?

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Sat 25-Feb-17 19:42:09

I have been in this situation myself, I would think you really need to be seen by someone tonight. Have you got the crisis teams number for your area? If not could you phone 101, they will talk to you and can send someone to come get you to offer support if needed. Please don't get in your car if you feel this way.
flowers its awful, and hormones exasperate depression like nothing I've ever known.
Here for a hand hold if that's all you want/need too.

Desperina Sat 25-Feb-17 22:59:04

I want to die but I don't want to hurt my family. I want to hurt my boyfriend but I can't bear to hurt my family. I can't face any more from my boyfriend.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Sun 26-Feb-17 00:09:28

Do you want to talk about what's going on with your boyfriend? Maybe it's time to leave him and realise what amazing person you can be without him? Could you stay with your family for a while?

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Sun 26-Feb-17 00:47:47

flowers

Argh it's shit, it's awful being so angry.

Can you do something calming like find a meditation/yoga video, call a good friend, have a bath, do some drawing/writing anything that will occupy you and chill you out a bit.

If you feel like hurting yourself then call 111/go to A and E.

It sounds like you need a bit more support than what your getting. For me anti depressants stopped the rage, don't know if your on them already but maybe they need switching/upping the dose.

flowersflowersflowers

This horrible feeling will pass I promise.

Desperina Sun 26-Feb-17 08:49:50

I can't leave my bf we are having a baby and he's the only thing standing between me and whatever slosh the government throws at single mothers these days. Not to mention the social workers and the court which I would rather die than be dragged through.

I'm not taking any ADs. I'm waiting for the acute MH team to become the PN MH team. Even if I did they take weeks to kick in.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Sun 26-Feb-17 20:57:29

How are you doing now?

Anti D's had an affect on me very very quickly, within days of taking them. For the first couple of weeks on them I felt snoozy and spaced out, still low mood but not angry angry. After that couple of weeks the snooziness lifted and I began to feel normal again.

Sheilasfeels Fri 03-Mar-17 10:42:04

Oh yes I've been there. PP are right, you need to tell someone how you are feeling, GP or mental health team. In the mean time try to do something to physically burn off that adrenaline and tune into the sympathetic nervous system. I'm sure you know all this but I'll say it because it helped me: deep breathing is the first step, count to four breathing in, count to 6 breathing out, gradually increase the count for your out breath. Then once you feel calmer could you have a bath to relax your muscles?
You will get through this. X

Desperina Fri 03-Mar-17 14:04:30

Hi all

I've been referred to peri natal mental health. Not a moment too soon. Nev r be afraid to ask for help! Everyone has been wonderful.

Although I am now having to deal with social workers and family liaison officers because of (wholly fair and accurate) disclosures about my bfs drinking. It seems there are an awful lot of people who need to cover their backs! Fair enough but certainly making a delicate situation more stressful.

Desperina Fri 03-Mar-17 14:05:59

Rather I should say I've got an actual appointment now, not just a pending referral/in a holding pattern with acute MH team

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Sun 05-Mar-17 14:05:47

Brilliant that your appointment has come through. The social workers and family liason are there for your and your babies protection, but I understand how stressful their involvement is.
Remember mumsnet's here if you need us!

user1463654951 Fri 17-Mar-17 10:15:55

I had I consolable rage when pregnant. I also have a history of depression. The pregnancy didn't make me depressed as such, but oh so very, veryyyyy angry. All directed at.my OH.

I now have my.little daughter and most of the rage has subsided, but things still annoy me.

I was recently prescribed anti depressants and counselling.

I wrote a lot of forum posts and researched similar stories. Hormones have a lot to do with it. And they can last for a long while especially if breastfeeding ongoing.

I meditate when I can, it helps a bit, not like it used to but as I say it is getting better.

I just need to be able to look at my.partners face without wanting to throw something at it.

Little.by little, day by day.

How are you feeling now?

Happy To PM chat if you want to vent. X

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