Last Thursday (16th) I had a c-section after a failed horrible induction which lasted 2 days. I was discharged following day and it's been a tougher week that I could have possibly imagined physically and mentally and I'm terrified I'm getting PND.
My DH has been a superstar and I've had my mum helping too but it's been so hard watching them run around doing everything e.g. changing nappies, her clothes etc while I do very little except breastfeed her which is nothing but painful despite checking and rechecking the latch. Up until last couple of days even sleep (little of it) has been so uncomfortable and I feel like I can't breathe half the time. Moved the co-sleeper crib to DH's side because of difficulty of me getting in/out of bed which has also been tough, feel like I should be closer to my baby.
My emotions are all over the place which I know is normal, and although I'm starting to feel more recovered physically, I feel like I'm hopeless at everything I try and do for her. I feel like I'm failing her for not being able to breastfeed properly and giving up today, and that I might do something wrong and hurt her unintentionally e.g. hold her wrong, drop her, the list of anxieties are endless. Plus, I love her but I'm not elated like everyone else seems to be after having a baby, DH is on cloud 9 but I feel sad a lot of the time.
I have got a history of anxiety but have been fine for a few years. I had a normal pregnancy, I feel like I'm losing my mind and terrified of when I'm going to take care of her on my own. I just want to feel like a good mum.