Am I losing my mind???(4 Posts)
Hi all, please bear with me, this may seem a little rambly.
I had my little girl 11 months ago, she was premature and the birth was, interesting, to say the least. When she was about 3 months old I started getting anxious every now and then, double checking to make sure the door was locked, checking if she was still breathing several times. But gradually it's processed into something more frightening.
Every single night, I become really paranoid. If it's dark, I can hear footsteps coming up there stairs or I can see something move out of the corner of my eye on my daughters monitor or I'll hear strange noises coming from it or I'll hear my daughters door open (my husband never hears a thing). Tonight I heard someone try my front door handle twice, my door squeaks so I can hear it a mile away, I woke my husband but he's heard so much of this kind of thing the past 4/5 months he's lost patience.
I'm terrified to go downstairs at night, I can just picture a shadow standing behind my front door so I won't go. I'm also terrified that something or someone is trying take or hurt my daughter. But these problems don't tend to affect me too much in the day time.
If I go to my doctor, they will probably think I'm mad and take my baby away from me or say that all new mothers are like this. Everyone I've talked to about this says it's natural and this is how it will always be now I have a baby.
But, I'm spending my nights terrified, not sleeping well, not enjoying anything anymore. Surely this can't be my life now forever?
I've suffered from this in the past. I absolutely understand how you feel. I was convinced the house was haunted because I was hearing noises and seeing shadows in the corner of my eye. I has the same creeping sense of paranoia which you describe.
You mentioned you aren't sleeping well. I believe this is the root cause. Simple exhaustion combined with the stress went through with your baby. A traumatic birth experience can have long lasting effect on your mental well-being. What you've described sounds similar to PTSD.
If you can regulate your sleep patterns and start getting some real restorative sleep you'll begin to feel a lot better.
I'm not an expert, I don't have any valuable advice. But I do understand. And I can tell you from experience, it is temporary and you can overcome it.
And ruby don't be afraid to see a Dr. No one will take your baby. Please don't avoid getting help or treatment because you are afraid of this.
Your GP will absolutely not take your baby away, that's your anxiety speaking I think. They will try to help you. It could be that you have PTSD or anxiety, and it's something you can get help for. I would make a GP appointment and explain about the intrusive thoughts and the lack of sleep.
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