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Can I do this on my own ?

(17 Posts)
Rebocalucy Sun 06-Nov-16 18:18:41

Hi all,

I'll try to make it short ...

My little girl is 4 months old, since she was born Iv suffered terrible anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Although I am in a better place than I was 4 months ago, I have been to the doctors numerous times. In the end I went and asked for anti depressants, I was prescribed 10mg citalopram but the doctor reluctantly gave me these as I didn't score high on the depression test. I know I am not depressed. It's my anxiety and intrusive thoughts that's the problem, and even though I'm having CBT I am just so desperate for it to go away. I spoke to my councillor who has also said she feels I don't need the pills. I constantly feel sick and scared. My mind is always racing. I'm not sleeping too bad and my baby sleeps through. We have an amazing bond and I love her dearly. I just can't relax at all. I carry on my life as usual, I have a clean organised house, I go out to the shops / friends / family. I just carry on my life with a huge black anxiety cloud over my head ! It's my first baby and although my partner hasn't been really supportive of my mental health I cried a lot yesterday and he has promised me he will support me.

I just want to enjoy my baby !

Any advice and self help strategies would be appriciated.


Is there any way this could ease of over the months ? I just want it to go away, I want intrusive thoughts to leave me along as they make me shudder they get so bad sometimes.

Rebocalucy Tue 08-Nov-16 16:33:42

Bump sad

Morporkia Tue 08-Nov-16 16:48:21

Rebocalucy get back to your GO, also get in touch with your HV asap. you don't say what kind of intrusoive thoughts you are having, but this sounds like the PND i had after my DS's (quite traumatic) birth. they are there to help you...and you sound like you need a little bit more assistance than you are currently getting.

CottonSock Tue 08-Nov-16 16:50:06

Yes, go back. There are medications for anxiety too. I felt better within weeks. Best wishes

Rebocalucy Tue 08-Nov-16 17:58:45

Thanks both, the intrusive thoughts are of harm coming to my daughter, by me, others, objcects, anything sad the worse ones are the ones of me doing it, because I love my daughter with all my heart 😭😭

Morporkia Tue 08-Nov-16 18:38:50

oh sweetie, please get down there in the morning if poss. the sooner you tell your gp whats going on in your head, the better x

Rebocalucy Tue 08-Nov-16 19:45:52

Iv already told them sad Iv been back 3 times, They know my thoughts and said its anxiety. I'm so scared I just want my mum to come wisk us up and make me better but she is bed bound due to ms, how I wish I had her support ! Sorry for sounding so morbid I just really want to feel normal again and enjoy time with my beautiful girl ! I feel like I'm treading water and I'll never get better. I have a counciling session on Thursday, I will speak with her again. But I'm sure she just thinks I'm anxious. I'm so scared ..... sad

cattastic Thu 10-Nov-16 09:51:19

I had terrible anxiety too and felt a stomach churning dread in the mornings. IMHO you should ask for anxiety medication as otherwise you are doing really well, and you really don't need to suffer like this. For the racing thought and panic, I would try to get to a mindfulness class/course, which teaches you to be fully present in the moment, and also to be kinder to yourself. It really really helps.

Rebocalucy Thu 10-Nov-16 10:14:47

I'm currently having CBT so I'm going to try keep concerntrating on this. I'm at my Gps for CBT today so I will book an appointment. It's all just ruining my maternity leave, I just want to be calm and happy ! I love the fact a get to watch my beautiful girl grow up and share all the special moments ! How did you recover from your anxiety ? Did it take long ? ..xx

cattastic Thu 10-Nov-16 19:33:05

At the peak of my anxiety my boy was 4 months, he's now 9 Months and I feel calm most days (but I know if I do too much in a day I can feel the whirlwind creeping up on me again). It's also been a hard fight to get here, plenty of medication and work to find out the roots of the anxiety. At the peak I wasn't sleeping well and had just started waking up terrified that I had done something to him in my sleep. Intrusive thoughts like you describe. It was horrific. Is CBT not about reframing your thinking, i.e. for negative thoughts (depression) rather than for anxiety? Although I must confess I have never done it...

Rebocalucy Thu 10-Nov-16 20:25:55

That sounds exactly like me sad, what meds were you on if you don't mind me asking ? I have been prescribed 10mg citalopram but scared of side effects. The last 2 nights my sleep has been terrible, I keep having nightmares and waking up at 4am. My partner says I'm
Restless and contstantly moving around in my sleep xx

Rebocalucy Thu 10-Nov-16 20:26:54

CBT is mainly for anxiety but it hasn't really really worked if I'm honest, I feel like I just want to hug and cry to my councillor instead of sitting workingn through coping strategies lol xx

LifeBeginsNow Thu 10-Nov-16 20:37:10

How long have you been doing the CBT? It is a commitment to change as its reprogramming your mind. To begin with, it sounds a little silly when you try it as your brain is so powerful and the anxiety is dominant. Believe it will work and it starts to become second nature (I'm not there yet but my anxiety has reduced massively).

I'm also on sertraline (150mg). This has an anti anxiety element to it. It's hard to pinpoint what worked as everything seemed to come together at the same time but I'm glad I tried the pills. My mood is better also and I have gone from crying multiple times a day to once every few days.

Good luck. You will get there but you need the help of a good GP and your HV.

NoArtificialColours Thu 10-Nov-16 20:49:37

Just to reassure you of something I once heard- these thoughts are quite common to mums of new babys. It's natures way of mentally preparing you for danger, so that you can consider how to best cope if you needed to when faced with a situation where baby is in danger.

It probably doesn't help much because it is horrific and terrifying, you are literally thinking of the worst possible things that could happen but it will pass with time (to an extent, I still feel protective but it doesn't affect my behaviour).

It's very difficult being a mum sometimes but I think you are really brave to open up about these thoughts and seek help. A lot of people don't talk about this but I wish they did because it'd make us all feel more normal x

cattastic Thu 10-Nov-16 20:54:43

Are the intrusive thoughts getting better or worsening do you think? I ended up in hospital and came out on a combo of two antidepressants which also are good for anxiety. But I got it bad and you are not there yet. If your gp says it anxiety ask him why you are not offered appropriate medication.

Rebocalucy Thu 10-Nov-16 21:02:34

Thanks for all these replies ! I'm on my 4th session of CBT, to some extent it has worked in some areas, I have OCD tendencies and it has helped with these. My intrusive throughts do bother me, they make me constantly anxious and scared. I even go so far into the future as bulling at school and I was crying yesterday just the thought of my little girl getting bullied at school. When it's a though of me doing something it totally breaks me, it's so far away from the person I am. I have never been around or involved in any form of violence . Isn't it just crazy the love we have for our children ? I feel like the luckiest person in the world but I also feel like I don't deserve it and it's all too good to be true. Xxx

Rebocalucy Thu 10-Nov-16 21:08:40

I also have spoke to a friend about the thoughts, she had them and so did her friend at work ! So I know they are common but they could just brush them off, where as I can't due to my anxiety issues x x

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